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Step Mamas 🇬🇧

Am I being unreasonable?

Ill try keep it short as I can and im not sure if it will fully make sense. We have my SS (10) full time as his mother isn't in the picture. She sees my SS every once in a blue moon and this has been ever since I can remember. Ive helped bring SS up practically as if he was mine since he was 6. Anyway, he occasionally goes to see his bio mums parents and this will happen a couple of weeks in a row then they wont have contact again for months. Ive noticed that when SS is there he has no rules or boundaries and seems to be treated as if hes some kind of baby which is the complete opposite of our home. In our home he is expected to clean up after himself, wash his pots etc and for years ive been working on trying to get him into routines with his hygiene, that said it is ALWAYS on me to remind him he needs to shower, brush his teeth, put his dirty clothes in the washing basket to be washed etc. Recently when he comes back from their house its like he decides he doesnt have to do anything he would normally be doing ie tidying after himself for example; he doesnt use common sense or even have any thought for anyone else around him.

Today I hit my breaking point, this is after weeks (since hes been seeing their side) of him shouting at me, leaving mess everywhere, refusal to do anything other than want to sit on his console. He also regularly has a habit of even if he knows ive just gotten the baby to sleep he'll scream or slam a door and wake him back up.

I came down this morning to my entire house that I clean daily stinking off eggs to find him having thrown his dirty plate and pan in the sink and when I asked for him to clean up after himself I then find egg just left all inside the sink that I sanitised the night before to clean the babies bottles. Plus my 6 month olds clean baby bottles all knocked into the dirty greasy water SS had used to wash the frying pan in. No thought or consideration to solve the mess he'd just made or even just say ive knocked the bottles in they'll need cleaning. Of course I wasnt happy about it and went to tell my partner, wanting him to parent SS, he is now not speaking to me and saying its always something for me to moan about and i done need to take the "moany" tone with SS. I spend hours a day tidying up after everyone in the house, for me it would be nice for just some consideration when im doing my best to keep a clean home for both of the boys to grow up in.

Am I being unreasonable for being irritated over it? Im seriously getting to my breaking point atm.