Pregnancy loss, stillbirth and infant loss 👼

One week since delivering stillborn twins at 26 weeks

The pain is still heavy, like my body’s stuck in cement. I’ve cried more than I think I ever have. I’m exhausted and I still feel so sad but my eyes are running out of tears to flow. The shock of it all has faded, it still doesn’t feel like real life. I go back and forth between sitting still, completely numb and trying to be proactive to protect my mental health.
I’m trying to figure out who this new version of myself is, grieving childless mother. A big part of me wants to stay strong, keep up healthy routines and habits, be lively and energetic in caring for our 5.5 month old puppy, and work on projects to honor the lives of our babies we lost. While the other half just wants to lay and do nothing.
I have some time off work to allow this grieving process, thankfully. I can’t fathom going back to work. I don’t know how to face my colleagues and clients after everyone knew about my pregnancy and was excited.
Anyone have any insights on transitioning back into reality/ work life?

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I'm so sorry for your loss 🙏😔

I’m so sorry for your loss, I think maybe taking some time for yourself is your best option and just take it 1 day at a time and take little steps back into “normal” life now. Do what your emotionally ready for and nothing more x

So beautifully said Jess it's so nice you could find the words x

It took me 3 months to return to work though I know thats not a luxury everyone can afford. I recommend trying to give yourself as much time as possible, if finances are a stress this is the time to reach out to your community, no one likes to ask that of others but from my experience people truly want to help and have no other way to in these circumstances. You'll know its time to go back when you find yourself feeling like you need the routine, be honest with your colleagues but also know you do not have to share with them except for what you are comfortable with. Some people get curious and ask stupid questions that are really none of their business, others will act like nothings wrong. Child loss makes people act really weird and its not something that goes away unfortunately, but you get somewhat used to it. While you are taking your time recovering, try to move around, grieve your babies on the couch, at the kitchen table, on the porch, and while walking around the park...

I also lost my twins during pregnancy at 23 weeks.
My best advice is not fight the new version of yourself. Learn your new needs.
Personally 7 months into this grief journey and it doesn’t get easier, healing gets lighter at times and you can breathe normally again.
I still have bad moments but life does feel mine again.

Talk about your babies as much or as little as you want to there is no right or wrong way to do this process.

Feels free to message me anytime, loosing two babies at once is something I could never explain to people unless you’ve experienced it.

My heart goes out to you 🤍

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Fall from couch

I’m a first time mom so please don’t be harsh. I’ve been crying since it happened 30 minutes ago. I feel stupid. I had my baby girl doing tummy time on the couch, I was right next to her and holding her, I don’t know why I even took my eyes off her, I basically just turned the other side of the couch to grab her sleep sack because I was about to put her to sleep. So I just turned my body for a milli second and bam, she falls.. :/ she fell and I could see she like braced the fall, basically had her arms up, but fell on plank flooring head tummy first. In that second I grabbed her so fast and I cried then she cried loud, for maybe less than a minute. I was crying a lot more. I called her dad and she calmed down and she acted normal. Tracked him and was acting herself. I told him I had to go to the ER but he said she was acting normal. After I just cried and held her and went to the mirror cause she loves looking at herself. She looked and just seemed sad but then I sang to her and she started smiling at herself and at me then she always squeals or yells when I sing to her and fakes laugh. She learned to fake laugh from my mom lol. This made me feel better but still so scary.. it was already her nap time so I put her to nap. She has a thump on her forehead going towards her left side scalp. Didn’t really seem to bother her. She is now taking a nap so her ped just told me to make sure she does not throw up and is acting normal and not hard to wake.. just feel awful. She’s 8 months but almost 7 weeks adjusted 😩

Need some reassurance - nursery

My little girl will start nursery at 7 months (in September). She currently needs a lot of support to fall asleep (contact (hold in arms/rock to sleep/sometimes feed to sleep) and will cry if not given this support. I am really nervous that she won’t be able to fall asleep at nursery. Is anyone had this experience and everything went well in the end?

Controversial statement but a genuine question about sleep sacks

I give my daughter blankets.

She's 9 weeks old and sleeps in a next to me. She sleeps with a blue crocheted blanket that doesn't even fully cover her, it's just for her torso and legs because she hates to sleep in clothes. She will only sleep in a nappy and blanket. Put any types of clothes on her at night and she'll scream the place down. Simply take them off and she's smiling and happy. I've tried every form of clothing. Zipper. Pop button. Nothings rubbing her or making it uncomfortable. We've tried changing the temperature of the bedroom. Nothing works apart from nappy and blanket.

She's started to be able to roll on her belly but not be able to roll back (she moves her face to the side so she can breathe but I'm an anxiety ftm so I'm constantly checking and watching her)

I'm no longer comfortable with the blanket due to the rolling and inability to roll back. Yes she can move her head very easily every single time but I'm not sure in her ability to move the blanket from her face.

What sleep sacks have worked best for you? I can have her in a nappy and also feel like she's in a blanket so it's my only option.

I don't mind trying a few different sleep sack options before finding the one that suits her best.

Thank you and sorry for the long post

Baby bottles 😭 baby refusing breast I tried so much

I'm so sorry to ask but is there anyone who's got any free baby bottles? I've asked my health visitor and she's going to refer me to baby banks but while I'm waiting Ive asked free groups in my area and I've heard nothing so far.

She's refusing to take breast anymore at all, I've had to syringe feed her but she's 9 weeks and takes a lot sorry to ask here thank you in advance

Do you believe that your parents have tried their best when raising you?

As a 32 years old. I still hold resentment towards my parents (both remarried), it would be nice if they can take some accountabilities for all the emotional neglect that I have experienced, including being emotionally abused by a stepparent. But to set myself free, it would be helpful for me to accept them as they are, and to accept my own flaws.
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It hurts the most when I chose the "hard route" when raising my daughter, I can't help but feeling sad that I constantly have to give her what I never had ............. the more self-awareness I gain, the more I realize I have a long way to go, I need to work hard on improving myself.
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I know exactly why my parents pick the "easy route", because it made them feel better about themselves without doing any work.
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I am determined to break the cycle, just wanted to rant here for a bit.

Magnesium for my toddler

I have a two year old who’s struggling with sleeping the night anyone notice a difference with using magnesium? And anyone you would recommend?