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Pregnancy after loss

Missing my Silas

I'm currently 22 weeks pregnant with his little sister and despite tons of therapy and soul searching prior to ttc again im having a hard time separating the two in my mind. Its like any time I think about baby related stuff, feel her kick, think about her future I end up slowly drifting back to him again. Remembering him, longing for his future, picturing what kind of kid he would have turned into, talking to him in my head and then I'll catch myself and realize im doing it again. I so badly have wanted to make sure this little darling has an identity completely separate from her brother, I have read stories from kids who grew up being the child born after loss and hearing about them growing resentful of living in the shadow of their parents grief. I worry about simultaneously keeping his memory alive but also keeping a balance for our daughter who may not understand for quite awhile. Today I'm supposed to be unpacking his nursery to see what I can use for our daughter and so I woke up just feeling this all and needed to get it off my chest.