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Moms in their 30’s

Should I meet the single mom who is texting my husband?

My husband met a mom and daughter at a kids event. Said the kids hit it off and they had exchanged numbers. Usually I am the one asking for a moms number but I was not there I was at home. He proceeds to set up another and another play date now asking me to stay home and rest.

At first I think it’s nice the kids genuinely seem to like each other and it is nice to have a break. I asked a little about my kids new friend and find mom is single, ex and baby daddy is not great, and daughter is great and a good playmate for my son. What is odd is my husband tells me her custody schedule. To me that feels like an odd detail to remember even I don’t remember my BFFS custody schedule for her own kid.

Well I see a message come through and because I’m a little suspicious so read the texts. Two weeks in he is trying to meet her for lunch on a day he is working in the office. She declined it saying she doesn’t have time when working to take a long lunch. And she had to ask him are you married as she says you never mentioned a wife. He says yes but lays it out like he is just looking for a new friend. Then they start texting every night for hours. him asking her favorite color and making inside jokes. Asking about her dates she goes on with other men, her feelings and her daughter. Sharing pictures but including only our kids and himself. As though I don’t exist. She asks again saying it’s nice to have a friend but maybe we shouldn’t text about all this and just focus on the play dates. Does your wife know how much we talk? Asks to meet me. He lies saying yes that I know that I stopped him from inviting her over for a playdate unless he did all the work of hosting and he wants me to come with him to meet her butI’m so antisocial with anxiety I don’t go. He’s like I could beg her to come and she says oh no sorry I didn’t realize she had anxiety. No that lakes sense and says she understands. He keeps texting her.

Now today she is set to have a play date with him and the kids. I don’t really blame her she didn’t make vows to me. But I have not told my husband that I know. Once again he said no, you deserve a break babe, don’t bother coming. I keep considering going, not to cause drama but because I want to meet her and I am concerned that my husband is using my absence to try to portray himself as her bff and basically look like a single dad. Maybe they are just friends but it is a violation to not be honest with me about him cultivating this friendship. Also all this texting happened in a matter of weeks not months. Am I being jealous? Can a dad be friends with a single mom and secretly try to have lunch with her? Should they text for hours up past midnight?

Would love to know what other moms would do? I am not sure I want to stay with my husband. But technically he has not cheated. Just misrepresented me to her and spent a lot of time talking to her. I did ask after seeing the messages to know more about her and he said she was just a mom. He could have said well she’s great we text all the time and obviously he didn’t say anything. But is telling her I am ok with his behavior. Right now he doesn’t know I have seen the texts. But the amount of them was shocking.