Health visitor visit went awful.
So this is my 2nd time having a baby. Without sounding like a know it all, I know what I’m doing with my baby.
She had a training nurse with her, she went pale after seeing my dog (secured) in the kitchen, asking if he can jump the gate, if he’s had a walk today (because he was excited there’s new people in the house) telling me he needs to go for a walk - all from the actual health visitor btw telling me my partner needed to take him for a walk in the mornings and evenings…as if we don’t 😭 baring in mind we are navigating parenting 2 children, he works 5 days a week from 9am - 11pm if he wants to bloody rest in the morning he can…our dog won’t die from missing a few walks . So after she was done belittling me about my dog in his own home…she moved on to telling me that my baby was in an unsafe position - imagine when you’re holding your baby on your chest over your boobs, he was in that position but on one of those baby support pillows in order for him to stay asleep…while I ate some food & fed my toddler. My eldest slept the BEST in that position and so does my new baby. Let me just add that I don’t often put him in that position, only when i desperately need him to stay asleep while i do a task. Then she was looking at me sideways because my toddler was putting all his toys on the sofa…judging my partners working hours & talking to me as if ive never made a baby’s bottle in my life.
She inspected my Moses basket, inspected my next 2 me crib which absolutely fine go ahead you’re doing your job, but then she said “you need a mattress protector” I’m sorry what? Never in my life have I heard you NEED mattress protector on your Moses or next 2 me. I get it, they are doing their job, but there was no need for her to speak down to me, my house is clean, the kids are clean, my toddlers having fun, my dogs enjoying playing in the kitchen, yet I got told off and looked at sideways.
With my first child, the health visitors were absolutely amazing. This time, she’s made me feel like absolute sh*t. Everything she said, was said in a condescending way. Is it possible I can switch her? I don’t want to have to worry about her opinion on how I run my house. I felt absolutely fine before she came, like I was doing a good job and parenting 2, now I feel worse, I feel like a bad mum, a bad dog mum. wtf!!!
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I’m sorry you’ve had a shit experience with your HV. I’ve just had my third baby and my visit with mine was a waste of time. I did most of the talking and we spoke about my 7 year old more than the baby she was there to see. Some people don’t think about the things they say / how it comes across. Unfortunately, not everyone is in the right job. Take it with a pinch of salt. You know you’re doing your best navigating your new normal. Don’t let her make you doubt yourself! 🩷
Same here! We have two Jack Russel x chihauhuas and she was petrified of them… also told me I need to get rid of them before our boy learns to crawl incase they bite him!
This seems crazy. Well done to you for ensuring your dog was in their safe place before allowing strangers in.
I always put the dog in her bed when we had health visitors come. 2 of the 3 said that I could let her out to say hello and the 3rd one said thank you as she was allergic to dog fur. My dog isnt nasty or anything she just loves fuss and attention so isnt always helpful when they came to see my little boy.
You do what you've got to do to get baby to sleep long enough to feed yourself and a toddler
They called me today and booked mine in for Tuesday I’m absolutely terrified. Heard so many stories like this, surely they can tell the difference between good/bad parents. Taking the bedsheet off to look underneath it is insane. Are they going to check for dust too??🤣
You can ask to swap. You can also just opt out of health visitors in generally. It's not mandatory.
Some health visitors are questionable, i believe you can request another! I’ve just had my first health visit with my 3rd child and she was lovely, I have a 6&4yo who were being very painful, my 6yo kept just butting in the conversation and my 4yo was climbing all over me and repeatedly saying “I’m hungry feed me” even though it was 10am. Then she was demanding to hold the baby trying to drag her off the weighing scales🤣 I also have a dog who the health visitor was stroking before I put her out in the garden.
The reason I’m telling you this is the environment was extremely chaotic and the health visitor was extremely lovely and dealt with it so well as I think if she hadn’t I’d have caved! There are much better health visitors out there and honestly if I’d have had the same experience as you I would ask to swap! What an odd woman and I’m sorry you had to experience that!
Some are lovely but some are pointless. One in the past told me my eldest was fat. After my 3rd (shes almost 10 months old) one told me my flat was fire hazard cuz i never got chance to finish what i was doing prior to having her as she was prem and i was unwell like preeclampsia and then after my daughters birth i almost died. She visited i really needed to go back to my birth hospital as my wound was leaking and pouring out and she rang an ambulance for baby for her breathing but fucked off before they turned up
It’s such pot luck:
My first HV was just interested in the value of the flat we rented as her son was looking in the area and she said it was a lovely home. She didn’t even look around and the next two appointments she either forgot or was late.
My second HV for baby 2 was actually just interested in the baby and my health which was nice.
Remember these are not mandatory and you can say no to them if you are gaining nothing from them. You can attend drop ins at your local children’s centre or GP to meet with feeding teams and get weighed. They don’t need to be in your home judging and intruding
You can request a different one, sorry you had a bad experience, maybe she was just being extra "efficient" because of the trainee....not that that helps.
Why was a nurse coming out with a HV anyway? That's seems completely out of scope.
So sorry you’ve experienced this 😢 my HV has been so lovely, we have a staffy who I had in his crate as he loves a fuss but she was happy for him to come out and was so relaxed and went through anything I needed, hopefully you can swap and have a better experience
You can absolutely complain. I had mine not be present at all when I needed the advise they just forgot about me . Long story short I went to nhs body and wrote an email to them about the situation and she very quickly contacted me after that.
Contact them - absolutely tell them about the situation they need to know HV are there to help and lead you make you feel like you’re doing a good job not put you down especially second time mum
Here’s the email hct.pals@nhs.net state which area name and obviously the complaint.
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