Stillbirth and pregnancy loss shouldn’t be taboo: let’s share our stories. ♥️

Has anyone thought about adoption

I lost my first at 16-18 weeks gone it was awful the only support I had was my partner and I never got to have a scan or prints as there was just no support when I lost my second and third baby at 7 and 12 weeks I got photos and there was more support then I joined a support group who was amazing I still haven’t got over losing my first and I still have dreams nearly 9 years on about her but it’s easier now and my babies keep me filled up with cuddles

Started TTC in 2020 and had my first miscarriage February of that year. I went on to have 4 more miscarriages during the almost 2 years TTC. I lost them all very early on between 4-6 weeks. Even though they were early they still absolutely broke my heart and I still get sad about them now even though I finally have my beautiful rainbow daughter earthside. I never thought I’d get to be a mum after suffering so many early losses but I never gave up. I pushed the doctors and nhs as much as I could! We even booked private assessments with a fertility clinic. I was willing to pay as much as I needed to finally be blessed with our rainbow but in the end it happened naturally (with some help of started thyroid medication) and I am so in love with her. Birth ended up being traumatic for us which I am still trying to deal with now, she also wasn’t very well the first week of her life and we had to stay in hospital for longer than we wanted to be but she’s well and happy now♥️🌈

I was pregnant n lost my baby at 6weeks my due date would’ve been July 14th so I’ve jus been in a ugh mood yea we are trying again but blah

I was 9 weeks and lost my baby. That would have been our second. I was completely heartbroken and terrified to try again. I was the “one and done”person. The years just kept flying by and of course my daughter and I are getting older. So me now over 40, 12 years between them I decided we should try. I actually ended up pregnant with twins but at my 8 week u/s one was not viable. I now have another little girl (6 months on the 18th). Now I think, wow I’m a mom of 4 babies when I thought I only wanted one. I know so many who have had a loss in some way and it’s heartbreaking. Knowing there are other women who have dealt with the same thing may help someone through the process. 🌈❤️

I lost my first at 17 years old and was 6 weeks pregnant then lost my second at 19 years old at 16 weeks made me not want to get pregnant again out of worry it would happen again however since got blessed with a full term baby when I was 21 and a 28 weeks baby at 23 who’s still doing really well hearing other peoples positive stories really helped me know they is a light at the end of the tunnel and it’s a lot more common then I first thought x

I just had a miscarriage a couple weeks ago with our 2nd baby. Early in the pregnancy, didn't know anything was wrong until I went for my ultrasound and they said there is no embryo. I was shocked, my heart sank, I didn't know what to do or say. Just cause it was early doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. I cried for days and telling my 3.5yr old daughter that there was no more baby in mommy's belly was the hardest. She was so excited and had picked out a couple onesies for the baby already..she told her daycare and would draw pictures...and it broke.my heart breaking the news to her. One thing I can say is my heart breaks for all the women who have had multiple loses, infertility issues, stillbirth...you are all strong beyond belief. My heart goes out to all of you. We go through so much carrying a baby to term and then giving birth..but it is something else when it's a loss...and passing it and having a broken heart while.its happening... ❤❤

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Sorry for your loss mama. I feel your pain. I had a miscarriage on Feb 10th I was 12 weeks. I went into the ER for bright red spotting then come to find out there was no heartbeat. It completely broke me. One of my friends tried to make me feel better by saying “well at least you weren’t further along” And..Just because I was early on in my pregnancy doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

I lost my first born son at 27 weeks. Definitely a very hard time in our lives. My family was distraught. I think had my rainbow baby the following year. And then in 2019 I had a miscarriage. I’m currently pregnant and praying so hard for a healthy baby and pregnancy.

My first daughter is a full term stillbirth, the trauma is deep-_- somehow I think my soul has gone away with her X

I lost my Son in September. He was my Forth child and I have so many things in my head. I just feel like shit and would sell my soul to change everything.

I lost 6 babies while pregnant 27 weeks, 20 weeks, 40 weeks, live birth at 38 weeks, 20 weeks, 12 weeks and 9 weeks. 1st one was when I was 16 last one at 27. I'm 55 now and miss my kids still, still remember them on their anniversaries 3 of which are on the same date.. love and light to all of us angel mums xx

We lost our 1st and I was a mess. All I wanted to do was be pregnant and I was almost out of hope. It took alot of Faith, talking and allowing myself to mourn with time. I had my rainbow 🌈 baby 11 months later and my 1st baby would be 19 mow but is in a great place waiting for mama. I still think about that sweet baby and I recently got a feather tattoo in dedication (will post below) key is to allow urself time to cope. GOD BLESS

I lost my baby a week ago at 24 weeks. I was having a normal pregnancy when I started to be in pain I went to the hospital then I just started bleeding out of no where and within two hours of being there I had him… everything happened so fast the nurses didn’t even tell me I was in labor until I was screaming in pain and he just couldn’t make it his lungs ended up collapsing and after hours and hours of waiting they let me see him while he was all messed up and he just looked so horrible and it was just terrifying. I’m only 20 years old and the doctors said they have no clue to why I was bleeding or in labor and I’m just completely lost with emotions and scared to even try again being that he was my first everything💔😪 it’s total heart break and I wish this pain on nobody

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I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you went through and what you are feeling, it still being so close to when it happened. I hope you’re doing ok and have support from family and friends. You are strong and you are not alone.❤️

I lost my little boy Arthur a week before I was due to give birth at 36 weeks in April 2020, it was the start of the first lock down and it absolutely broke my heart, no one apart from me and his daddy could see him, we weren't aloud to bring him home, we spent 16 short hours with him in hospital, making memories, having cuddles, sharing kisses, getting photos and spending time as a family, Arthur had a velamentous cord insertion which led to a major bleed. We miss him every hour of every day and will never ever forget how perfect our little boy is!! I hate how people don't like to mention him and don't like to ask questions buy I'm the sort of person that keeps his memory alive by talking about him every single day like when people ask me how many kids do you have I will always say 3 no matter what and explain how we so sadly lost baby Arthur. We have been blessed with a rainbow baby but that doesn't take away the heartache we have for our Arthur!! Thinking of yous all!! 👼❤

I lost my second child very early in my pregnancy. That was almost 16 years ago and it still hurts knowing I never got to hold my little one

I lost my son at 33 weeks. I had a placental abruption. I’m 24 years old. One of my worst nightmares. I cried so much my eyes we’re swollen. He was so beautiful i held him a 5 ibs. August 16th. Left a scar on my body and a scar in my heart but it is what it is

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I’m so sorry for your loss, and is absolutely the worst thing anyone could go through. What did you call him? I hope you have someone you’re able to talk to but please reach out to me if you need to x

In Jan 2019 I found out I was pregnant and having a miscarriage all in the same day. I had been having a period for 3 weeks and cramps. A friend knew right away I took a test and went to the hospital. They took a urine sample and my levels were so low they said I was maybe 3 or 4 weeks that even doing an ultrasound wouldn't show anything. I didn't know how to reslly feel or process it all honestly. My fiance ignored me for 3 days because he dealt with it before and that's how he handles loss. I could have used love ans support but thinking back now I get it. I honestly don't think about it much because of not knowing how to process it and being I found out the same day within hours I didn't have time to process much of anything really. It sucks and I ended up being pregnant that may with mt rainbow baby and then another just in July. So I now have a 6 yr old 17 month old and 3 week old. My family is complete.

I had my littleboy 25 days ago, I was 29 weeks pregnant. While away having a staycation, the first morning I started to bleed heavily after having a completely normal pregnancy until that point. I was taken to the nearest hospital by ambulance and my partner and toddler followed in the car, the hospital was an hour away, to discover upon arrival my baby had died and I had had a placental abruption. I was taken into the delivery suite and my waters were broken. The labour lasted 4 hours, I was offered an epidural which at the time I wanted, it didn’t work so I gave birth with only gas and air. In hindsight I’m glad it didn’t work as if that was the only experience I was going to have with my baby, painful or not I’ll take it. Roscoe was so perfect he was nearly 40cm long and was perfectly formed and looked like he was sleeping. That was the single most difficult day of my life.

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Oh my goodness. I am so sorry for your loss. That is truly heartbreaking.

@Rachel I experienced the same in May at 39 weeks placenta eruption. I’m still trying to figure out why that happens.

Following. I don't want to cry right now. ❤

Thank you to all of you for sharing your stories of loss! It makes me realise I'm not alone in feeling so deflated. I am due to have a second D&C on Friday this week and inside I'm broken but I'm being strong. I experienced my first loss at 6weeks gestation in 2018, I went on to have a rainbow baby in April 2020 and I found out a week ago that I had had a second missed miscarriage and am having a D&C this Friday (04/06) I'm absolutely devastated 😢. Thank you so much ladies for sharing

Thank you for working to destigmatize stillbirth. My daughter was stillborn 5 days before her due date. I am her mom. ❤ I wish the Peanut App had a badge for angel moms as well. I don't know how to signify that I had a daughter, but that I do not have a child living with me. "Mom" badge to me mostly means people plan to discuss parenting... Angel Mom would be a nice addition, and the chance to put our child's name as well.

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Yes the app should do that to be able to show support to those that have lost. I am so sorry for your loss. Sending love your way

I lost a baby at 10 weeks due to food poisoning Jan 2018 (6 weeks before my wedding day)... We lost our second baby at 9.5 weeks 6 weeks after our wedding day, missed miscarriage, so I was pregnant but no heartbeat. I was told I could wait for the miscarriage to naturally happen or have a D&C. As I’d already experience a ‘natural miscarriage’ I opted for the surgery as I just couldn’t handle carrying around a baby that was no longer alive... it was SO hard losing 2 babies within a matter of weeks, I felt I myself had died a few times that season, I can’t even explain the heartache. But God has a plan in everything and later on in that same year I became pregnant with my toddler and have another one on the way. Those that suffer multiple miscarriages may have an unknown condition that taking one aspirin a day during the first 4 months of pregnancy can help save your baby. I don’t know what the condition is called however I know it has worked for me and was suggested by my midwife...

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... you must however take a low dose aspirin. I took a 75mg or ‘baby aspirin’ a day and I believe that’s why my pregnancies have now been successful. I hope this helps and gives hope to at least just one person ✨❤️🙏🏾

I’m going to try this!!! Thank you 😭 I’ve had reoccurring miscarriages for unknown reasons! My last one was when I was the furthest along at 10 weeks and babys heart stopped (we had seen it beating at 6 week scan) and they stopped growing at apparently 6 weeks. So heartbreaking. I also opted for a D&C after a failed induction prescription. I’ve had 3 miscarriages and have struggled to get pregnant (trying for two years now) since having my second son 💔

I lost a baby at 8 weeks, I know that's early but it took a toll none the less. It took me 5 years to conceive again and my little girl is now almost 10 months.

Its tough esp at the mo with covid, i definitely recommend trying t0 orgabise something when allowed yourself, maybe a coffee morning or something. Hope you manage to raise some funds xx

@Rachel i did fundraising for my local Sands after Bobby was born. Quiz nights and raffles etc. It is difficult roght now with covid but could be worth registering an event and organising something, it could be anything. It is a lot of work vut totally worth it and then you could pick a charity or donate to your hospital charity if they have one xx

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I thought about doing it through sands but when I asked they said that all money raised had to go all to them, I couldn’t do some for them and raise money for donations of items to my hospital etc. That’s why I tried to raise money on my own, I have started the raising money so I can knit items for both stillborns and premature babies. Have a just giving page and a fundraiser on Facebook. Spreading the word on mummy group I am a part of. Some ladies are even knitting items themselves to pass onto me to donate x

I lost my 1st born in 2014 at 42wks, my little girl Rekha, no reason or explanation given, just put down to one of those things. I've since had my rainbow baby girl Ariya and now expecting my 3rd. I know I should be happy about it but pregnancy is so crap and hard after a loss and I can't help but wake up in a panic every morning thinking something might be wrong. How is everybody coping with pregnancy after loss? Xx

I lost my first son Greyson at 34 weeks I gave birth to him March 15 2019 after being in labor for two days. His placenta was to small in size and could not sustain him as he continued to grow.

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So so sorry for your loss 😞❤️

So sorry for your loss 💕. I lost MY son Grayson March 2020 to a small placenta as well.

Hi I’m Rachel and my first pregnancy was in 2017, I found out I was pregnant in December and my baby was due end of august. The scan and appts went on as normal no problems and we found out we was having a little girl, we was so excited. My partner had a boy from a previous relation who was 19, but this was my first. Everything was fine until my 32 week midwife appt , I went and they measured and tried to listen to the heartbeat but struggled to find it. I was sent to the hospital for the Doppler and then for a scan where I got told there was no heartbeat. I had to ring my partner at work and break the news. I then had to get induced and 2-3 days later I gave birth to my daughter naturally, we had already name her Paisley ELoise and she weighed 3LB 6oz. We was given full use of their bereavement suite at Bolton hospital called th butterfly room for 3 days to spend it with our little girl. We was not bothered and they took professional photos of us with our baby and we got a memory ...

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...box. We had a priest come in to discuss regarding a burial as she was born at 32 weeks , she had to be registered and buried. It all passed in a bit of a blur. I could not fault any of the staff at the hospital and we luckily had an amazing family and such amazing friends. They didn’t walk on eggshells around us and they treated our daughter as if she a human being and acknowledged she was real. But I know and understand that there are so many woman out in the world who don’t have that support system. But their is charities out their like SANDS who help and you can talk too. Don’t feel like you have to keep it a secret and don’t be shy to talk about your little one as they were here a part of this world if only for a moment. We found that I had micro vascular blood clots in my placenta which they believed starved her of oxygen and food and each new pregnancy I would need to have blood thinning injections. Please speak out about it girls don’t be afraid to. Xxxxx

Sorry for your loss too, its rough. The grief changes and lots of therapy helped me to get to a better place but i think about Bobby everyday as im sure you do with your son 💙 I'm the same, my family mean well but can be a tad overbearing so actually in a way lockdown has helped. Its been good but i see so much of Bobby in her which has been hard but midwife says its to be expected and the grief is Veryan real after giving birth. It's definitely helped speaking to them about how i felt. Feel free to message me and I'll try and help as best i can xxx

How was ur after the birth of ur little girl and congratulations by the way. How was it with family and friends. I’m finding it abit to overwhelming and just want to be left alone

This thread is good but as a stillbirth mum im a little disappointed there isnt a badge you can use on your profile but lots of others. Also i think people think it is contagious because i cant say I've found much support or met many new people on here, shame really. My son was stillborn at 41+5 on 21/12/16 & I've just had my rainbow Zoe who is now 10days old x

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I’m so sorry for ur loss and I totally agree with u. I just feel like stillbirths and not talked about like ther forgotten. The pain never goes away, we will never forget our baby’s. More needs to done for mums 100% like a place or someone to talk to x

I totally agree, although I did have good support from family. But when I lost my little girl , the following year I tried to raise money on just giving , so that my could buy wool etc to make hats and stuff for prem babies and still orbs, as the hospitals don’t always have hats etc small enough if born very early, but I didn’t get much help or anything, so wasn’t able to knit things to donate to the hospital. Which was a shame as I really wanted to help. Would love to raise money again to help raise awareness and knit items for use in hospitals but just don’t think I will get much help like last time.

I lost my baby boy at 34weeks in Dec 2019 due to my placenta. I’m now pregnant expecting a little girl due to be induced on wed 10th Feb. I’m so scared and anxious. How did anyone feel having a baby after stillborn?

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Honestly the same, my rainbow Zoe is 10days old today and the stress at the end of pregnancy was horrendous, it changes when they're here but its different because they're here. Good luck xx

I am so sorry for all of your loses. I lost my little boy junior at 22 weeks last year. My heart aches for him everyday . I am 25 currently pregnant with my rainbow baby, a little girl. I am trying my best to stay positive. Sending love and light to you all 💕🌈✨

We had our twins on November 6. I carried them to 39 weeks and 5 days. Elden was born first- less than three hours total, and a very smooth delivery. Elora was born after him. There were medical errors during her delivery, and she passed away before we got into a c section. I didn’t believe it. It thought that they were wrong and that she would be fine when they got her out. My uterus tore during the surgery and I lost two liters of blood. But I didn’t notice- I was too busy staring at her. She had red hair- we always joked about having a red head because my husband’s beard is red. She was the most beautiful little redhead I have ever seen.

We lost a baby at 7 weeks in 2017. Im now 15 weeks with our rainbow and everything is looking well 🌈💕😘

I lost a sweet boy and gave birth at 37+4. I miss him every day.

I lost mine just 6 days after my daughters first birthday we lost her brother in such a traumatic way. I was halfway thru the pregnant but at least I got to hold his body before his body was gone too. I will never be the same but I will do the best I can to keep fighting on for my daughter that I still have. I was never supposed to have kids and now it’s ruined the idea of growing our family. I’m losing my fiancé because I don’t love myself anymore. But everyday I get up and still try to move forward no matter how empty I am inside

I'm Kimberly and I'm 40 years old right now. In 1999 I had my first pregnancy a boy that I miscarried at 21 weeks had to have a D & C. In 2000 I gave birth to my oldest daughter. In 2001 my 3rd pregnancy was a miscarriage at 12 weeks, I was diagnosed with stage 1 cervical cancer. In 2003 I carried a girl for 6 months and she was stillborn. In 2006 I gave birth to a girl, she defied the odds and survived. In 2012 I carried a boy for 7 months he had too many issues and passed away within an hour after birth. I got to hold him and hear him cry and coo. My cancer was back and my cervix prematurely opened. I found out that I was pregnant at 16 weeks with twins this year. A boy and a girl. At 22 weeks I was in a store and didn't see this little boy rushing towards me with a basket trying to steer it but he couldn't see over it. He slammed right into my belly. Later that day I started bleeding badly. I ended up in the ER and the doctor told me that I had miscarried baby boy but baby girl wasn't injured at all.

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Omg what a strong woman you are to have gone through so much pain and loss you've been through so much I cant even imagine. Thank you for sharing your powerful story . I hope after you heard your cancer came back you heard better news not long after.

Ima a mama to 5 beautiful babies. 4 of them are waiting for me in heaven❤️

My daughter had CHD and Hypoplastic left heart syndrome. She was measuring 6 weeks behind and at 37 weeks she only weighed 2lbs On September 1, 2020 I had a c section. My baby Evelyn came out alive but never made a peep. I remember immediately knowing something was wrong and the tears began running from my eyes. All of a sudden no one was speaking loud enough for me to hear. A nurse came over and explained to me that while my baby is alive she will not make it. We were able to hold her while she passed. I later found out she had a chromosome defect. She was pretty much the poster child for this defect. My heart hurts constantly. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about her. I know it would have been harder if she was alive and suffering but that doesn’t make this loss any easier.

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Sorry to hear about your loses Laleh and Rachel I can’t imagine loosing a full term baby 😞

I went through 4 miscarriages back to back before my 🌈 baby I was lost depressed going through the miscarriages

Just over 2 years I lost a baby girl at 16weeks. We found out she had a very rare condition of Down syndrome. The doctors gave me a choice to either keep going with the pregnancy or to give birth right then. She pretty much had 0% chance of living, she would of either died during pregnancy or be stillborn or die shortly after. The longest a baby had survived with her condition was 9months old. We made the heartbreaking decision to let her go hopefully peacefully and not in pain then rather be selfish and go through with the pregnancy. We were lucky enough to say goodbye to her properly and visit her on her bday. To this day there is still a part of me that hates myself for doing what I did, I feel like my body failed me and failed her. In my eyes when we women are pregnant we are the only ones who can look after that child with the choices we make and act on so if by chance you do loose a little one it’s normal to feel hate to yourself and that you failed but remember it’s not true👼🏻

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This is so devastating and a heartbreaking choice to make either way 🤍 sorry to hear this

Thankyou ❤️

I lost my baby on Tuesday - just coming up on the 2nd trimester. Devastated, heartbroken, been here once before, before our rainbow baby, and absolutely advocate for this experience of loss to no longer be a silent loss. I posted about my first miscarriage in Spring 2017 and received 400 messages from my own network of family and friends who shared their devastating losses, one after the other after the other. So many of these women shared that they have never told anyone. Can you imagine? It breaks my heart all over again. Some of them were my Mom’s friends - my Aunties as we call them in Indian culture ... some of them had been holding onto this silent pain for 40+ years 💜

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I am so so sorry for your loss 💔

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. I hope you again have support around. It is heartbreaking x

5 years ago I lost a baby at around 12 weeks... I didn’t know I was pregnant until it happened. I was in a physically abusive relationship and the baby would have been conceived out of force. When I lost her, I told no one for years. Only my husband knows about her. I think about her (I had a feeling she would have been a girl) all the time. Even though her father would have been a vile monster, I would have loved her all the same. I’m not extremely religious but I think there was a reason she was taken, I believe it was to keep her safe and since that day she watched over me, gave me courage to escape, and find love again and have two more beautiful daughters. 💗

Last year I had a miscarriage at 7 1/2 weeks. And it was so hard for me I became so depressed and didn’t want to talk to anyone. And when I would see all my family or guess what work pregnant it would just make me cry. And while now I’m pregnant with my rainbow baby and I can tell you she’s changed me so much.

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Congratulations on your rainbow! I know exactly how you feel & felt! All the questions on why you, what did I do wrong etc. I’m here if you ever want to talk. 💕

Thank you and I will

I have had a abortion (health reasons) at 19 yrs old, stillborn at 22yrs old and 2 miscarriages at 22yrs old! Finally at 24 I had my rainbow baby but it took a toll on my body, family and life in general!

I’ve had 7 non confirmed losses due to the early gestation & 2 missed miscarriages & 3 confirmed loses. I have two beautiful children & a rainbow baby girl on the way. ❤️

Can I just say alot of the comments about baby loss speak about rainbows. I would just like people to know that sometimes there are no rainbow babies for a variety of reasons.

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This is very true. Thankfully there is more dialogue surrounding childlessness but there is still a very long way to go. Sending hugs to anyone learning to live with this this right now x

Respect to all of you amazing, brave and resilient women! I have been calling for more conversations like this. I recently took part in an interview and expressed this very sentiment. My Princess was born sleeping in 2011 at 35 weeks and I found my main issues stemmed from people projecting their feelings, telling me how I should feel instead of actually asking me. So many assumptions, assuming I wouldn't want to talk about her, assuming I would fall apart. Then I carried fear and guilt with me into my subsequent pregnancies. There is no joy in losing a child but having spent 15 years thinking I could not have children, my Princess is a blessing and even though she isn't physically with me I'm very much aware I am still her Mum. I really struggled when people asked "how many kids do you have"? If I said 2, I would feel like I am denying her, if I said 3 I was open to having to explain and subject myself to either deafening silence, quick change of subject or misplaced pity.

Hello fellow warriors. I had 7 losses over 7 years. This included 2 missed miscarriages requiring surgical management, a partial molar pregnancy, removal of uterine septum and an ectopic pregnancy with removal of tube. I got my rainbow baby in March 2019 and went on to write a book ‘it will happen’ (available on Amazon) and create a podcast ‘the worst girl gang ever’ (on Apple podcasts and Spotify). It is my hope that we can smash open this taboo and open up the dialogue in order to end the isolation, invalidation and shame that so many of us feel when going through this. Unfortunately I have gone on to have another 2 losses since we had our son and I’m petrified of having to go through this shit show again 🙈