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Wanting to adopt

Ok so I've been needing to talk about this for a while but I have only been shot down. I was adopted. The women who I was adopted away from was awful. She saved me. She inspired me to do everything I can to be like her. Now I always wanted to one day be able to say I saved a child like my mom did me. Now I have three kids and I really want to adopt one more because I feel like that's a way I can be like my mother. But my husband wants no part in it. He won't even let me bring the thought up in conversation. it's tough. Sooo please give me advise
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We just adopted both our boys through the foster care system. If he is hesitant, it’s not the time. You both need to be ALL IN because it is the hardest thing we have ever done in our lives. The difficulties don’t end with their adoption, it’s ongoing

Love to you. What a full heart you have. We have/do explore adoption as well. We are blessed to have one child. Medically, unable to have more. We have gone toward this option and away so many times.

Ed tu just wax w

Yes I was thinking about that as well I started the process but then had got sick I was doing the classes they even came out to inspect my home in all

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Oh wow. I’m glad you are better. Are you going to continue that journey? My house was just inspected as well.

I would truly love to adopt it has just become so expensive I love all children and would be happy to open my home and give Love to another I have lots to go around was suppose to adopt a child from someone who didn’t want the baby they were carrying got all the way to the end and they bailed out my heart was crushed and the sad thing it became a money issue long story short the baby ended up in the foster system cause the people who ended up getting her didn’t really want her

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That’s really sad. Maybe you can foster first. If you do foster to adopt, it’s free.

Adoption is amazing. All i can say is that i have the two best kids i got through adoption. my son is special needs but high functioning and very smart...probably one of the smartest people ive ever met. i often think what kind of life they would have had if not being adopted. my husband and i have the same bday and just by chance my son with special needs the judge randomly assigned his official adoption date as the same date as our bday so i think it was really meant to be. i strongly encourage giving a home to any child in need of adoption or even if its through foster care.

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Did you do the fostercare option first?

Yeah you we’re lucky if you got a good mom. Both mine suck!!! I don’t think you should feel ANY GUILT at all!!!! I’m one of four kids that were adopted out by my bio-mom and I’m the only one that’s not created a horrible situation with their lives. The not belonging feeling or you owe anything is adoption trauma. I’m so anti-adoption like it’s literally human trafficking. Our society should support young mothers. I think you should enjoy your family. I’m sure your moms proud of you already!

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My heart hoes out to you for your hardships. As a Mom who has considered adoption for our family it's these kinds of notions that concern me. I would hate the idea of causing harm or participating in adoption trauma. Do you have suggestions for adopted parents to help their children they adopt overcome such trauma?

I’m giving my child up for adoption.... I googled adoption agencies online & the process has been easy & great!!! My child’s soon to be parents are so excited that they were crying that I chose them out of 14 contending couples...

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Wow, was this hard for you?

Love to you. As parents who who would love to adopt we honor that gift and choice you are allowing.

My opinion: If he’s against it, don’t force it. I know you want to help those children, but you have to think of how his opposition may affect those children or the children you already have. You can become an advocate and help others adopt, if maybe that will help you. It’s really hard to navigate adoption(I know, I’ve been trying) and having someone there to help navigate would be invaluable to helping these children

Ahh that must be so difficult for you. I have always wanted to / known I will adopt one day so it’s something I discussed with my partner from the beginning. He never used to be in love with the idea but after watching YouTube videos of other families who have adopted his view changed. Has your partner said why he doesn’t want to adopt? If he opened up maybe his reasons may be concerns he has that you can work on / get advice about xx

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I think adoption is great and asking your husband to sit down and talk about it and hear him out as well as to why he doesn’t want to adopt. A lot of people feel like they wouldn’t be able to treat an adopted child like their own. Unfortunately it’s very sad but better that you wouldn’t bring a child into a home where one parent couldn’t raise them like their own. If you sit down and your husband is still very against it, maybe you could adopt a child away from your home like send them money every month or you/clothes and write to them and send pictures. 😊 I’ve seen people do that before and it’s also really great! I hope your husband changes his mind though :)

Anyone else here have a nursery and bottles and clothes etc waiting for a baby? Like washing crib sheets weekly...re-washing clothes and always buying baby stuff at the store. I am unable to have kids but I'm sitting here waiting still. I just don't understand how me someone who wants a child to love and take care of can't have kids, but then you got these "moms" who don't want the child...abuse it etc are able to have them. It makes me angry tbh

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I feel so sorry to hear that. 💕 i have 2 friends who are in the similar position. One is trying IVF and another is thinking of surrogacy or adoption. Id love to adopt myself but its super costly and ill never have that kinda money which is wrong as they should make it more affordable and let kids and families feel complete

Hi ladies, I want to adopt 2 children from foster care myself, we have 3 children already, I would like to adopt kids in the older ages starting at age 7 and up because most people don’t want to adopt older children and I want to give them the life they truly deserve to be wanted, loved and to have a family. I was a foster child myself and I never got adopted just shuffled from one home to another. My husband knows this is a big heart tug for me and that I want this so I was straight with him and told him he might want to get on board because with it without I will adopt from foster care!!!! He had rejected it at first with talking to me and one night I just poured my heart out and explained why I want to adopt from foster care and I was honest and tears where rolling but I believe he needed to know it’s something I’m passionate about and want to make a difference in a couple of Childrens life and welcome them and to become part of our family!!!!! Thank y’all forallthepositiviy

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That is awesome!!

I would love to adopt a baby, all kids need love ❤️ it’s just such a hard process plus kids r expensive

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Adopteeee here lol I would love to adopt however I can’t stop getting pregnant but deff when I shut down the baby factory we plan on fostering mb we will end up adopting who knows not against it I’m just getting old lol 😂

We are trying to decide if we want a 3rd or to adopt or just be happy with two.Time will tell. I have heard adopting is very expensive. Are there any grants out there to help pay for adoption?

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That’s a really good question

Adopting through foster care isn’t too expensive, depending on the state they can help financially.

My mom was adopted, as well as both of her siblings. I have always wanted to adopt as well, and fortunately my husband and I had this conversation before we were married and he wants to adopt as well. I have no idea how to even start the process though, or how we would ever have the funds to do so.

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You can do a go fund me page and reach out to others and the community to help out. This is how a lot are doing it. Your church etc. go ahead and start the process now.

I may be the odd one out but have you tried fostering?

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I was raised in foster care and that why I want to adopt from foster care!!!

I’d look into a conversation about fostering. I really want to adopt/foster a teenager or 3. Lol. Thankfully my husband is completely onboard. If he still is set to no, wait a couple years. Idk how old your children are currently, but if they’re younger, wait like 5-10 years. It sounds like a long time. But if that’s what you want to do, maybe he’ll be more susceptible later when your kids are more grown.

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This is a little extreme but... Or just divorce him and find a new man who’s down. 🤷‍♀️😂

Oh no, lol

I’m right there with you. I was volunteering to support a teenager who is in the foster care system. He became really good friends with my son and I want to adopt him but my husband doesn’t feel the same way. I wish I had good advice but I don’t. It caused some fights in our home me trying to change his mind. I guess my only advice it not to force it. Plant the seed and see what happens.

Keep bringing it up becus its meaningful to u idc why someone wouldnt want to .

We just finished up our adoption journey and finalized a few weeks ago. It was such a long up and down journey, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I hope we are able to adopt again! For anyone waiting to be matched don’t give up its worth it!❤️

I would love to Adopt.. A baby but can't afford to do it. What are some other cheap options that would help.

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Foster to adopt!

I understand I’ve always wanted to adopt but my boyfriend says he don’t want to. I think that it just takes time.

Well he needs to man up n talk about it! How would he feel if he was in the situation you were? Me not my husband plan on adoption in a few years and he’s full on! He’s even ok with the fact that I offered to be my sisters sergeant!

This is going to be rough to read.. but I wouldn’t have married him my heart desires to adopt and my husband will know that before we marry, my current boyfriend is very open to it and agrees it would be something he would be ok with doing. It’s a deal breaker for me if it’s no an option

I would love to adopt but due to something my husband did in the past we can’t

Me and my hubby would like to adopt a baby, but can't afford to :(

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Me2. We may foster after i birth this child its cheapest way to adopt we just haven’t agreed on age. He wants a baby I want a toddler .

Everyone can make it work if they really want to. We are adopting and there are plenty of options. Lots of grants and loans available :)

If you and your husband can’t agree maybe you could volunteer with an org like Big Brothers Big Sisters? You could still really help a child!

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I come adoption as well; I was adopted when I was 3 and made the decision growing up that I wanted to share that same experience and always wanted to give another child or children the same chance at life as I was given. My husband was removed from his mother's care but his extended family steeped in and took him in. I try to explain to him that because he does not understand what my true feelings towards the issue. The discussion of having a third comes up often but I would really like to consider adoption but he will consider it. Should I just give up my wishes and stop the pursuit of a 3rd child. What do I do?

I think you should talk to him about what it's like to have an adoptive child and if he really doesn't want to adopt then there is a lot of other ways to help children like donating money for kids in need every once in a while or volunteering

I 've been trying to conceive every since my husband and I gotten married over two years ago. However of course nothing has happened yet. I was wondering are there any kind of Options what step's I need to Take.

In the same boat. Also expenses are a factor; how much does it cost to adopt?

Adoption can be a beautiful act of love and selflessness, where all parties are all the more blessed in doing so. However everyone needs to be "on board", especially your partner, else all are (inadvertently) made casualties. I suppose you need to ask yourself what means more to you what you have now or your desire to adopt? I appreciate it seems unfair to position it that way but unfortunately if your partner isn't prepared to even discuss it, it's probably a non-starter. While it's not the same, perhaps you could look at child sponsorship alternatively...? Just a thought.

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what is a “child sponsorship”?

Here in the UK you are able to financially sponsor a child in need to ensure that they are afforded a better start in life than might have otherwise been the case. It's nit just transactional, you are also able to have a certain level of relationship with your sponsored child.

This is such a life changing decision for your whole family and for that new little life. It’s so important that you & your hubby are on the same page. There will be a lot of ups and downs. It’s an amazing journey, but will also be stressful & very emotional. You will need each other to lean on. And you want to be 100% sure he is just as excited about bringing a new little one home as you are!! Good luck, from an Adoptive Mama! 💜

I hate to say this but that is a big decision and if he’s not fully up to it it could be more harmful to the child you bring in if you don’t both agree on it. Nobody wants to be brought into a home where They are not welcomed

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Completely agree. Well said!

I will keep you in my prayers!!! I was adopted too and my husband and I would love to adopt one day. I am sorry that you and your hubs aren’t in agreement on this at the moment, that must be very difficult. :( I don’t have much advice to give, as I am a newlywed and haven’t experienced this (yet), but I do hope he will have a change of heart ♥️

Aww it’s so nice you talking about your mom that way 😘 I guess my biggest fear in an adoption is that the child will grow up and want to be with the biological mother/parents vs you! My husband doesn’t want either. But I think he’ll come around

Did you ask him why he doesn't like that idea ? I'm the same way actually I would love too but my husband doesn't, for his own reasons but it's fine anyhow talk to him on why he doesn't you could always volunteer as well or even foster if he isn't into adopting, adopting isn't for the light hearted people it takes a whole new life to do so changes etc.

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