Relationships

I have been married for almost two years, but with my husband for over ten.

We've been through a lot together, including a very early relationship unplanned pregnancy and much later on a miscarriage. I have PTSD and chronic depression which was untreated when we met, he has ADHD. We've had issues because of my mental health, such as bed rotting and neglecting the house and low sex drive. We have an elementary school and a toddler aged children together.

This past winter there was a situation that called his faithfulness into question, he claimed the incident was not censentual but I reached out to the woman before talking to him and it caused social backlash for him.

He is very private and doesn't like people he works with or encounters socially to know any details about his life. For example he doesn't want folks who aren't his direct coworkers at his job coming up and asking personal questions about me and our kids when he's not friendly with them and they don't know me at all. He's not trusting of their intentions, and I'm not very trusting either so I get it.

He goes out to bars regularly, a friend of his hosts events and it's his social outlet. A couple of days ago he came home and told me that a woman who's a regular bar goer he hadn't seen in a few months stared at him and then when he acknowledged her rattled off his full name, job and company, and possibly something about his family too? I'm not remembering precisely right now. He asked her what she was talking about, she asked him if he had lied to her, and he replied he'd never said those things to her. His friend started to say he was an accountant, and he hushed him to further support that alternative line through secrecy.

My husband was really creeped out that this woman knew his full name and where he works, and pretty shaken by it. He made a comment that we'd need to move and he'd need to get a different job. We live in a smaller city where people act like it's a small town, and are nosy about each other's business and lives. I totally empathized with him about how creepy and overstepping this whole thing was but it doesn't surprise from what I know of people around here.

The following morning he told me to help him because he was spiraling about the whole thing, I didn't really know what to say. Partially because I'm more likely to spiral myself then have the skills to talk someone else down, partially because I don't think anonymity is truly possible in a small town in the online age, and partially because I don't feel I can ask him for emotional support about anything and I'm burnt out on the whole family relying on me that way when I have no one to turn to. I went over the scenario again and reaffirmed my empathy but I didn't really know what else to add. I asked him what I could do for him. He didn't know. After that he left briefly, then went out into the woods with an ax to vent some frustration presumably, and left again and returned with some beer and drank a few.

He later told me not to touch him when I tried to be physically reassuring. I respected the request and gave him space. I told our oldest to give him space so she wouldn't tackle him not knowing his mood and have him errupt at her, and he kind of isolated for the day. He helped me with a few things with the kids and when I came in to thank him he just said they're his kids too and again asked me not to touch him. I asked him a few times throughout the day how or if I could help him. He slept on the couch that evening, and the following day told me he wasn't doing well but didn't want to talk. And I gave him space again and tried to get him to eat dinner which he refused, I slept on the couch to give him space that night.

This morning he got up and dressed and sat staring for a minute before throwing a couple full beer cans into the next room and ranting at me. He told me he felt like he was in the house with the enemy, blamed me for letting these stalkers in the back door, and giving them a footing during the infidelity incident. He said he can't go out and see his friends anymore. He asked me if I was going to get a job paying what he makes, and threw me staying home with the kids in my face. He told me he thought about ending his life and the kids were the only thing keeping him in the home and on this earth. He told me I couldn't fix it.

He left for work and I just feel numb and confused. I'm by no means perfect, and I could never say I'm a perfect wife, but I don't understand how all the blame for all this is on me. I don't understand how I'm responsible for his social issues when I'm not the one who kissed someone else, and I didn't tell this woman anything.

I don't know what I can do. I don't know if him saying I can't fix it means our marriage is over. Obviously I don't work, or have much recent job experience, and I don't have a car or childcare to go start and get myself out of this situation. I'm socially isolated, no friends or family, so I don't have anywhere I can go stay for a while. Any reassurance or advice would be appreciated, obviously there's a lot of detail over the years of a relationship I can't include in one post, and I only have my own perspective. I feel like I've completely failed as a wife and mother.

So my phone was charging in my bedroom my partner was laying down on the bed I unplugged my phone without thinking I chucked my phone on my bed my partner freaked out saying could you not throw your phone on my legs I replied aww I didn't mean It I was just grabbing something his reply we that's twice you've done it and it's disrespectful next time look where my legs are and it's just blown up I think he's absolutely ridiculous for getting so upset it didn't hurt him I didn't mean it so what is the issue like wtf

I need some outside perspective on my current situation. My husband and I have been together 10 years, married 2. We have a 9 year old and a 10 month old.

This morning I thought I saw a message with the word "kiss" in it on his phone and after he dozed off it was bothering me so I looked at his texts and a girl listed as "Cassiopeia" had texted him "that kiss was.." I was shaking and copied down the number.

I drove him to work because we have one car and I needed to get our 9 year old from her grandma who she stayed to visit with after Thanksgiving.

I mulled over things all day and in the afternoon I texted confirming that I had the right person and then told her who I was and that I was the wife of the man she kissed and it was unacceptable. She agreed with me and asked to call me so I waited until I could get away from the kids and called her.

She told me she believed we were in an open marriage, because he told her he goes home and tells me everything he does. He does say this to me too because he tells me all his adventures after he goes out to karaoke, which is a hobby of his and a friend hosts at a few bars. She said she was under the impression that he made out with some other girls but hadn't seen or heard anything specific. She told me they kissed inside the bar and again made out again outside. She was very remorseful and apologized to me and repeated that she thought we were non monogamous. She told me she'd have no more contact with him and would block him.

After I picked him up from work and our 9 year old went to bed I asked him to tell me about his evening after we came home from his brother's and he went out again. He told me his whole evening and then said a girl he didn't recognize kissed him and then walked away. Tried to continue the story and gloss over this part. I stopped him and asked about the text message, clearly he knew her and had texted her prior to that evening so big bullshit. He told me backstory on how he knew her and some interactions he had with her previously, still framed it as she kissed him and he didn't stop her and didn't mention making out more another time that same night. I then told him I spoke to her on the phone and she told me they made out multiple times that night and her belief he was in an open relationship. He blamed her, being emotionally raw from thanksgiving events, and alcohol and I had to actually ask him before he said he was sorry. Before that he told me SHE was only sorry because SHE got caught. He got mad but shut up when I corrected him that he kissed her too and we're not doing that bullshit of saying she just kissed him, TWICE. He promised me it never happened before and he's never slept with anyone but me. He talks so much about other people respecting our marriage and him ducking flirtation to avoid drama that the hypocrisy is astounding.

Him acting normal all day, trying to shift blame, and lying about the events are huge red flags to me and I'm questioning everything. I adore this man, and I want to make my marriage survive this. They both stated it was only kissing. Thank you if you read all that, I have no one to talk to and really needed to get it out. What do you think? How do I get through this?

Hey I need advise I've been seeing a guy for 5 months, things was going great in the beginning but he has a 8 year old son he is a lovely boy, but he goes around to his baby mums everynight after work from 6 till 10 at night, he says his boy won't go to sleep without him.. I recently fell pregnant and due to our situation I choose to terminate I'm overwhelmed with emotions and grief of the loss he has turned cold towards me.. and now after 7 he won't answer messages or calls till the next day.. his phone is heavily passcoded like he has a code for every app.. I'm confused on what to do about this situation I feel really alone.. and unsupported, when I say these things he says he has alot going on in his life.

So I've been with my partner for a year and a half now and we have a 1 month baby together we've arguing a lot lately as I always think he's checking out girls when we're in public and I constantly think he's looking at girls on his phone I have extremely low self esteem and pretty much think I'm the ugliest thing ever and always compare myself to other women in the first 7 month of our relationship he would go on dating apps, flirt with women online, check women out and like certain things online all of this has made my insecurities 10x worse as I don't look like these women. For about almost a year he's tried his best and has stopped everything and really does try his best but I'm so paranoid and think why would he want someone like me he was scrolling on Instagram and had a good look at a post of a pornstar on the best that came up on his news feed we've had a huge argument about it how do I change how do I trust him, gain self confidence and let the past go Please 🙏 anything suggestions