👩‍👧‍👧Motherhood & Marriage 💍

TLDR: when are you trying for your next baby? How do you decide when?

My husband and I had always talked about having our kids sort of “back to back” about 2 years apart, but now that we are actually starting to have the conversations about trying again, I feel like I’m not quite ready right now even though I absolutely still want to have one or two more kids. I had some birth trauma with our first and getting through his first birthday/anniversary of that was really hard.

I also have some health concerns I’m trying to work on with my doctor. My husband is up to date on all of my medical stuff and doesn’t want to pressure me but his excitement for another baby because he is loving the one we have is giving me such baby fever. Like I know so many women would LOVE for their husband to be wanting to have another baby.

But our little guy is not weaned (I’m not ready) and not sleeping through the night. I’m worried about managing pregnancy fatigue if our little guy isn’t sleeping at least 6-7 hours consistently at night.

Everyone we have talked to says they love the 2-3 year age gap if they have kids that close, and even the parents who have kids further apart mostly tell us they wish their kids were closer in age.

I’m 32 and husband is 35. We definitely want to be done having kids before I’m 40.

This first year of parenting challenged and stretched us sooooo much it kind of scared me. I definitely feel we are stronger and closer in some ways and another baby wouldn’t be as hard in that it’s not all firsts, but I really feel like we need some time to enjoy each other again for a bit. I think I might want to be able to have a night away as a couple or even by myself. I don’t want to only base our family planning on the life we want in 30 years but what our needs are now too.

Curious what others’ experience has been? How do you manage two that close together? I’m loving our baby getting into the toddler stage so much and I was so afraid I really wouldn’t. But I’m loving it almost more than when we was a newborn. I want more kids but I don’t know if I’m ready to go back to 17 daily diaper changes around the clock, constant night wakings, and a sleepy little human potato that doesn’t interact much.

I just wanted to see what other people have done in this situation.

I couldn't get a honeymoon or some quality alone time with my husband away from our families and now we have a 5 month old. I wish I could have something like a getaway, just the two of us. I love our kid, but I still wish I could have had that. Anyone else like this? What did you do to make up for it? At least I had a pretty decent wedding.

Hello Moms... Has anyone ever experienced DMS? How'd you go through it and learn to cope? Did you see a therapist? I have two kids, a 3 year old toddler and 9 months. I feel lately I've been blowing a fuse and at my wits end and tending to snap. I've also been overwhelmed and emotional about everything. I work full-time at home and dealing with the kids while working has been making me feel mentally exhausted and my husband works on-site and it gets even harder that he doesn't put a lot more effort than I'd like him to be. I'm not saying he doesn't do anything it's just sometimes I wish he'd contribute more or at least support me. I'm not trying to nag, but I'm just so burnt out. What is best to do in this situation? I'm really at a loss and I'm drowning and just trying to survive. Any advice? Thank you 🙏🏻

Is it just me marriage is so hard all I want to do is just cry and I just to talk to my family or friends here where I live but it's all negative and I don't need that I been praying and reading my Bible it seems like nothing is working all he does he scream at me and it bothers me so much he said it's all my fault I am just so confused all I can do it just cry we only been married been a year this year I feel so stupid and unworthy or my kids and etc like I don't deserve anything I been trying to keep positive vibes nothing works I don't know what to do anymore 😭😭 I wish I can really talk to someone that understands me really I been praying I don't know what else to do I ask him maybe we need a marriage counseling he said no!!! I am pregnant at the end of my second trimester and I have 3 toddlers that I stay home with I am doing the best I can

I’m really lost right now and could use some advice…

I met my now husband in 2014 when I was 20 and he was 27. We met online and started dating after we met in person and it went well. We got married in 2020 (he wouldn’t even propose to me, it was just like a mutual decision to get married). I picked out my own ring and did all of the wedding planning myself since he didn’t care. I married him thinking it would make our relationship better (stupid, I know). Well obviously nothing changed in our relationship just from getting married. The following summer we moved 2.5 hours away from where we grew up and where both of our family’s live. I kind of checked out that fall and started talking to someone else (completely wrong on my part, I know). It was emotionally cheating, I never met this person in real life and it was like 2 weeks of talking. My husband knew something was different and when I left my phone at home one time he went through it and saw a message from this other person. He confronted me and I told him I wasn’t happy and wanted to separate. He ended up calling his parents and his dad told him they would take me for everything I have. When he told me this, I folded and stayed with him. I was terrified as I don’t come from a family with money and his parents had some money on their name. I thought I wouldn’t be able to afford a divorce and a fight during a divorce.

In March of 2022 I got pregnant with our daughter. He was scared to have kids so I tried to support him the best I could. I provided books and apps and tried to involve him in my pregnancy journey. He was not interested in it at all. I told him how I was feeling alone during my pregnancy and like he didn’t care. Nothing changed. I was completely alone during my pregnancy. I built everything for our daughters nursery myself, I prepped our home by myself, and I planned my baby shower by myself. I had gestational diabetes and in my third trimester, I was hospitalized three different times for my gallbladder failing. During my health issues in the hospital, he made my life hell. He was constantly upset that he had to drive over an hour to the hospital I was in. He didn’t even believe me the first time I had a gallbladder attack at 7 months pregnant. I begged him to drive me to the hospital in the middle of the night when it happened because I knew something was wrong. He didn’t believe me and brushed it off. I stayed up all night, dry heaving and in excruciating pain by myself on the couch until he woke up in the morning and finally drove me. I would have drove myself had I not been bent over in pain and puking up stomach bile. I was yelled at for accidentally not connecting to the hospital Wi-Fi and going over my cell data. He was trying to fight with the head nurse about him being sent home at midnight since they didn’t allow visitors to stay overnight. He was constantly complaining about how much money it was going to cost and how much money we were losing from him having to drive to the hospital to see me. I was constantly crying from the stress he was adding to my already stressful health situation. Fast forward and my daughter is born. He was not the best during labor either, but I will not bore you with more of his shitty behavior there. He straight up acted like he didn’t want to be a dad. He wouldn’t say he loved her and he wouldn’t do the dad things. No changing diapers, no getting up with her, no holding her, no baths, nothing. So May of this year I handed him a letter I typed up saying I wanted a divorce. He broke down crying and saying he was just scared and depressed and he knows he wasn’t good to me but he will do better. And he did for a while. We are now back to me doing everything myself.

Now I am and always have been the main income in our household. I work from home full time as a supervisor at a mortgage company. I also am a full time stay at home mom for my 9 month old. And I am going to school online full time to try to get myself in a better position so I can make more money. He gets paid about half of what I make. I don’t have an issue making more money. But he refuses to even try to find something making more as we struggle paycheck to paycheck monthly. He does nothing around the house or on our property in general. I have to fix everything myself, I have to build everything myself, I have to do our outdoor maintenance myself.

This isn’t normal right?! I just can’t imagine other men acting like this. But I could be wrong. Is it normal for the wife and mom to do every single thing? I am back to the point of feeling checked out. He makes my life harder, not easier. And I don’t think that’s right… 😞