New York City

Hi, I am partnered and I have a baby under one year’s old. My partner and I are rocky. We have issues communicating, and face problems with the softer side of our relationship. This means proactive affection, words of affirmation and proactive support. Ultimately, he will rise to the occasion, but it usually after an argument, after I prescribe every single thing that I need from him or after he finds me crying from being angry or overwhelmed.

The reason for the context is that I am friends with another mom who is also partnered. She does the majority in her relationship and is seemingly unhappy with her partner. Even though for different reasons, it seems that we’re both trying to figure out things as we both love our partners but are really tired of our differing needs not being met. With that in mind, I often want to hang out with her and our babies. However, each time I bring up an idea, she invites her partner but not necessarily telling me. I realize once we start planning. For clarity, the activities I suggest are things like going to the park on a weekend, or heading to the pumpkin patch. The things I don’t believe in hanging out with someone else’s partner without my own and even more so if they’re rocky. I also don’t particularly love her partner based on what she has told me about him so I don’t like spending “quality time” with them. Am I wrong or being weird?

Note: I know if I planned every detail for my partner, he would come but I’m tired of his weaponized incompetence in that regard.

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