Emotional abuse? (Sensitive post)
Hello there my fellow beloved mamas,
I urgently need prayer and advice, I am at my wits end. I am currently 30 weeks pregnant and I’m so worried about the way my marriage is going. To give you all some insight on what’s going on, there’s a conflict that arises between my husband and I from time to time, according to him he feels like I don’t do anything at home or I don’t do enough. He compares me to his family members (sister and sister in law) since they are supposedly strong and self sufficient and never asked anyone for help. Mind you, I do try my best to make sure the house is clean, I cook everyday except weekend or when I feel extremely tired or am having bad cramps. My belly is actually bigger than usual and I have a very active 11 month old, so it’s hard to keep everything perfect. Also, to add…my husband and I are very involved with the church, we’re youth pastors. My husband tries to help me as much as he can, but he can have a really nasty side. I can be a little emotional and cranky sometimes , and at times it can be overwhelming I do admit but he doesn’t know how to handle it. He also has a tendency to really put me down and bash me when I make a mistake, I tell him it has been really stressful for me lately…we’re struggling financially, we had to move out within a month from the last apartment because the owner sold it and we were on a month to month lease. Plus, prior to that we were living with my mom in this apartment as much as it hurts to say, she’s very controlling, overbearing and toxic. It really hasn’t been easy for either of us, God is my witness. He’s never hit me, but he has insulted me in various occasions in the year we’ve been married (we make two years in July). Today I was a bit cranky bc I was overwhelmed at seeing my bank account on overdraft yesterday. Our rent is due the first of next month, these things really scare me and I have a hard time trusting bc in the past I’ve had to be the sole bread winner for my household and have gone through rough times. I was upset w him bc he made me feel bad for leaving my keys on a pole in the parking lot, I was getting picked up by my sister in law to go see a venue my dad was paying for my son’s first bday. I was basically out of breath bc I had to carry my 24 lb baby down the stairs with my diaper bag (which is heavy). It was a lot and I was rushing, I can’t be perfect! My husband got so upset at me bc one of the neighbors found the keys and he told him that he should give him $50 out of courtesy for finding them. Obviously, this is upsetting to me because we can barely afford to buy the essentials in our household, and here he’s tell me he’s going to give this man money. He goes and patronizes me by saying that it’s a street/criminal mindset and that it’s my fault for being irresponsible. He says I’m basically a ditz and that not everyone I meet is a good person. I get it. I messed up but he always takes a patronizing approach whenever I make a mistake. It’s draining and upsetting. The baby was stressing out and crying, he saw him and told me look at what you’re doing to my son. As much as I wanted to comfort him, I couldn’t control my emotions I was so upset because we were arguing. He told me so many hurtful things, one thing he told me is that I’m basically a good for nothing and that I am not as pretty or have such a great body for a man to make sacrifices for me and give me luxuries. Also, that another man isn’t going to be w me with the mentality I have. Soon enough, he violently pulled over into the side of the road with the intention of driving the car to the lake. He got out of the front seat, went to the back and grabbed my arm and twisted it and told me to stop. He also went ahead and got into my face and started yelling, I wanted to call 911 but he didn’t let me grab my phone. I’m so hurt, I don’t know what to do. I haven’t slept at all, my heart hurts so much. This is my first marriage, and I already have two kids (an 11 month old son and a baby girl on the way). He even recognizes he’s a better father emotionally than he is a husband. He rubs in my face that he has helped around the house w chores and cooked two times. Mind you, I always do that aside from taking care of our son. I’m not working now, but I did work before to help him bills until the day I gave birth. I stopped working bc we didn’t have enough money for a daycare or a babysitter, my husband is also overprotective so he prefers I take care of our son. I’m so sorry for the long rant, I hope whoever took the time to read this post please finds it in their heart to shoot a quick prayer for me, even if it’s a short one…I don’t think I can take this anymore. Hugs to all you mamas who are battling with something similar or worst. God bless you all. Thank you ❤️🩹
So sad to read this. Especially from a husband who proclaims to be following the Lord while abusing his wife! If I were in your situation I would sit down, emotions aside, and explain how his behavior is not acceptable in your marriage. I would then go to your pastor or leader in the church and explain what he has been saying and doing. I do not believe in divorce (other then for martial unfaithfulness) but I do believe in separation if one of the spouses refuses to do the right thing or is abusive. I hope you are able to get help and that things change!