Gender disappointment
So, I know this is normally when someone wants one gender more than the other but do any of my other enby parents feel a weird disappointment knowing that they’ll generally have to refer to their baby as one or the other? We’re choosing not to find out until birth and I feel like I’m not ready to find out. Like… I just want them to not have to deal with all the gender stuff at all. Everyone else is excited to “find out” and I’m almost dreading it.
Read more on PeanutThe views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
I'm only just now figuring out this side of myself, so it is interesting to reflect on how I felt 6 years ago when I was pregnant.
For me, it wasn't dread. It was apathy. I didn't find out the sex either, something that REALLY pissed people off (like it was their effing business!), and I was pretty set on getting as much neutral stuff as possible. I did want a boy, but I realize a lot of that is because baby boys aren't as aggressively gendered (well, I know better now!!). I considered gender neutral names and considered raising the baby neutral, but decided against it d/t societal pressures.
I never connected how this all related to my own gender identity until recently (also, I don't consider myself true enby, more gender expansive).
I can empathize with you, though. I think modern parenthood can be really triggering when it comes to navigating gender and it's unfair. I think your feeling of disappointment is valid and I am here to help you process if you need to bounce some thoughts around.
It is perfectly valid to keep your child non-binary until they choose their gender themselves. If you want to raise your child without society's enforced gender roles, it is completely acceptable, though depending upon what state you live in... You may have to be extra cautious.
https://youtu.be/4sPj8HhbwHs
You do not have to tell anyone what that child's sex is assigned at birth, not even relatives. That is your child, your decision.
As the parent of a child whom at age 2 and half came out as non-binary, I WISH I hadn't started raising them with their assigned sex at birth, because they get so upset at being referred to as just one gender. They prefer to be referred to as simply "a kid".
Heck no! It was such a struggle to do a “gender reveal” I got super guilted into it. I regret it so much.
I’m raising my kid gender neutral. Let them be a kid you know?
Download the Peanut App
