I’m so glad Christmas is over!
I’m 52 All Christmas has ever been as an adult is work - all the invisible labor - all the emotional labor - and the only return is making everyone else happy. My husband and I were alone this Christmas - we have been traveling and are on the west coast and the adult kids and their families. are on the east coast. I still shopped for gifts for each of them, shipped them across the country to be there in time, baked cookies, decorated, and made a special meal for the two of us. He did nothing. A couple days before Christmas he tried to buy me new AirPods at Costco in front of me for a “gift”. I don’t consider using joint household resources to replace an item that is on the fritz to be giving me a gift. He also knows I have serious issues around spending money on myself so I balked at the price. So essentially I got absolutely nothing for Christmas. He has done this in previous years and apparently has learned nothing. I don’t care about the money spent or the actual gift itself but the effort someone makes to make you happy and be sure you enjoy the holidays too. This has been a particularly difficult year after losing my dad in May.
In the last few years my husband has had some eye surgeries and loss of vision - none of which would prevent him from online shopping - or even separating in a store and telling me he needs me to wait while he does some shopping. Honestly after a couple years of this - if he does figure it out - I will never feel the same about being gifted anything. It will always just feel like he’s doing it so I won’t be upset.
Also worth noting - this is my second husband of 12 years. My first marriage was 20 and the same thing - more sad Christmases of neglect and being completely spent. I think I hate the holidays.
Anyone else have this kind of misery at Christmas?
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Hello
I didn't get your name. I'm Lisa
You know Christmas hasn't been the same since my mother died Jan. 2020. I guess someone missing in your family during the holidays makes the holidays seem bleek. Holidays haven't been the same for me. My children are all grown, so if it wasn't for my grandkids, I wouldn't put up a tree. My husband recently told me he didn't believe in these man made holidays, but I told him that's fine, but I expect a gift on those holidays. I guess communicating is the key to all relationships. We'll miss. I am sorry for your loss, and I hope that thing gets better with your relationship 🙏 ❤️
I'm so sorry. I can relate.
Honestly, three years ago I decided to reclaim my own holiday time and I have never been happier. I decided I was setting a pattern that would burden my own daughter. I was always afraid to disappoint everyone if we didn't have perfect, traditional holidays. I have since learned that having non-traditional fun holidays with less "elfing" seem more appreciated- and much less work!
Hi , I'm sorry you feel that way. You are not alone at all.
I felt. Holidays are super draining when you are the only one putting in all of the effort for everyone's happiness but no one is there looking out for your happiness. I'm sorry for your loss luv. 🫂 Be straight with him. Tell him if my gifts don't have more thought and effort put into them you're going on strike. The least he could do while you work hard every holiday is make sure to put the extra little effort in.
You know I once herd. If you tell your new relationship what you had gone through in your past relationship they would start to mirror those habits as well. Not going to lie that terrifies me. Point it out to him tell him you know your really starting to do things like so and so and look where he and I are now.
Maybe it'll put to pep in his step. 🤷🏻♀️ good luck hun. 🫂❤️❤️
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