Vent post MIL edition

Omg she too much! She needs putting in her place! Stand up to her and tell her to mind her own business and back off. Your husband needs to grow up as well, he’s a mummy’s boy and always will be

I do try so hard! She just cries and turns herself into a victim saying it's so hard for her to not see the baby for so long. Which I understand. But to take a mothers baby away from her is just a no. She acts like a child and cries every time anyone tells her she's done something wrong. Always gets her way!! And my partner just says to let it go because its easier than arguing with her. So it's ok for me to suffer if it keeps her happy?!? @Beckie

Oh good lord. Your partner needs to sort himself out. That is so way to treat the mother of his child. My husband is Italian so they have very similar cultures. Luckily I am half Sicilian too so I kinda get it a bit more. I said to him before our son arrived. This is our child, we choose how to raise them, nobody else. I was clear about boundaries. I think you need to set them up girl. She is trying to make you into a casalinga. If she didn't like how the sheets where washed, go stay in a hotel. Cheeky biatch. How rude. You partner should have stepped in there and said, get over it mum. I am so wound up for you. You need to take care of yourself.. and that MIL needs to be put in her box. Also hate it when people say they had children, maybe that's true but if I am dating your child then you had them a long time ago! 🤷🏻‍♀️🫠

Can you communicate in the same language?

I’d say stand up for yourself stop letting them run over you. And don’t rewash anything, if she has such a problem with it she or your man can redo it. She can wash the dishes. Firm boundaries should be set she shouldn’t be trying to intrude on you feeding the baby and all your parenting .

I feel for you so much! My MIL is not this excessive but can be quite pushy, doesn’t listen and cries when called out on it but my partner stands up for us. It’s got to be hard but don’t give in. It’s your baby, your house and your dishes. If she doesn’t like it, she can stay in a hotel for 3 months

@Clarissa he speaks near perfect English he's worked here nearly 5 years, language communication isn't an issue its just the culture. I wouldn't even mind these things so much if I felt like he was on my side, like if when I said "3 months is a long time to have her in the house" he replied with "I know, thank you for understanding" rather than defensive and saying it's his mum I should want her there and she's the babys grandma so she has a right to be here etc... all I want is to not be alone in this! He could even at least pretend.

@Georgia I've said that, what if she stays nearby but she won't have it, so my partner won't have it. He loves that she's so intrusive. He's quite happy to have his mum there doing all his washing, cooking, cleaning (I do all this but he says I should be grateful that she wants to do it)? I'm quite uncomfortable with her doing my washing. And I like my house clean the way I do it. But he doesn't care because it's easier than telling her no. He tells me to just put up with it for 3 months because he doesn't wanna make her cry. Which I get. I'm not looking for that. But its kinda her fault she cries. You can't be told we are going on a family day out just the 3 of us and start crying. It's insane

@Marika exactly! Times have changed. Its not like I'm doing anything dangerous, using anything not recommended for babies etc. I've tried so many times to ask my partner to value my opinon/ my parenting first before hers but he just keeps saying she knows better than I do. Honestly I'm just talking to a brick wall with him. He's so obsessed with his mother

My MIL is exactly the same!! She constantly tells me my son is hungry when he’s crying (even though he’s fed and he’s just tired), tells me his babygrows are too tight (they are his age!) and a million other things. Even when my husband FaceTimes, it’s ‘do this, don’t do this’. God forbids he sneezes in front of her! They live about 15min away but they’ve calmed down coming now. Once they turned up at 10.45pm and they could tell I was pissed. No advice really but I’ve just learnt to ignore what they say! I know how to parent my child and times have changed from 30 years ago!

@Uzma thank you for sharing! At least I know I'm not alone in thinking this!

I’m Spanish and my husband is British and the culture around family is definitely very different. My mum also gives unsolicited advice, does things I don’t approve of (ie. Sneakily kisses the baby which I’ve said she’s not allowed to do) so I’m having to a big effort in setting boundaries and sticking to them as she’s very pushy and disrespectful with whatever she doesn’t agree on (ie. Keeps insisting she wants to post photos of baby’s face online). I would say try to set boundaries and stick to them as much as you can, but it might be harder if your partner isn’t on your side. It sounds like something your partner should deal with instead of going against you, it’s so unfair and I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this especially with a small baby. Remember it’s not you who’s part of what sounds like a very unhealthy generational family dynamic

@Claudia thank you for sharing! It's so helpful hearing other people's stories on this too

Frankly if anyone’s parent’s isn’t in the house to help, as a new mom, they shouldn’t be there. You don’t need that kind of pressure. Set boundaries and be firm and consistent. Don’t let anyone manipulate you into backing down. Raising a new baby is a lot of work. I can’t imagine how stressful this situation is.

Nope. I would have murdered them both by now 😅

I think there’s only one option here. She takes the baby. Take the baby back. She grabs a spoon and interrupts feeding time when it’s meant to be a learning experience for the baby, sensory with food etc, move into another position and continue feeding and offer her to do the next feed. Baby cries, you take that baby. She says the dishes should be done, you either suggest she can help and do the dishes or wait for you to be available and get around to it. She suggest anything about nappies being changed what’s dangerous etc with the baby standing, say thanks for the opinion but I’m confident in what I’m doing. If she pouts and cries let her. DO NOT GIVE IN OH LORD DONT DO IT. Because if you don’t snap her into place now, it’ll only ever get worse. And it will get worse, do not doubt that. You have to ultimately decide. Who’s feelings and well being is more important in this situation? Your grown ass mother in law who is an adult and can regulate her emotions and can learn to pop

On a filter? Or yours and your baby’s feelings? You and baby are more important. She will get over it. Let her throw her pity party and play victim it’ll ease up eventually. And if it causes issues with your partner, we’ll you know where you stand with him. This is your child not hers, she had her chance to raise her children. Now it’s your turn. Either you go through a bit of a tough time now establishing boundaries, or you drag it out till forever, constantly going through this back and forth bickering and feeling like absolute shit. And that’s no way to live. You need to deal with it now, let everything out on the table, have that spat/argument and move forward. Otherwise it’ll follow you for life and damage things even further. Look out for your little family.

This has really annoyed me! I’m Spanish and I find her behaviour completely disrespectful. Your partner really needs to grow up, start respecting you as the mother of his child and stand up to his psycho mum. I would not be welcoming her into my house after manipulating your partner to go against your wishes and taking your baby off you as if she’s the mum! It’s so out of order! And don’t get me started with the too washed sheets?! What’s this about?! 😂

I get how you feel. I have a mother in law who tries to be like that. Again it's a culture thing I think (my husband is Indian) but I'm lucky in that part of the reason my husband's previous marriage broke up was due to her interfering parents. Therefore he shuts his mum down quite quickly if she starts, it doesn't stop her saying things though. The last criticism I had was that my husband is always cooking when she calls (husband explained I was with baby so he was cooking) she replied that these modern women are so weak because in her day she did everything! Hmm. Choosing to rise above the rage and billion retorts I could make about how happy she wasn't and the type of relationship she had with her husband (abusive) and remind myself she's saying it because she's jealous.

@Amanda honestly! Like seriously how can they not see even a tiny bit how this is completely unacceptable! She came to ask me if her new bra fit ok too... I told my husband and said I was uncomfortable with her asking me if her bra looks OK. And he just said "yeah she asked me too" like???? What 🤣 how can he think that's normal

@Beth It feels like she doesn’t understand what private space and boundaries are. I wouldn’t be putting up with this. I’d probably would have said that I wasn’t a seamstress and didn’t want to see her in her bra 😂

These mil are bat shit crazy you need to set boundaries now!!!!