Got into an argument with my partner today. He told me he feels overwhelmed and that he is the only one doing the housework. I admit that yes, I am pretty messy and haven't been helping with the housework but I do still work 52 hours a week and do 3 sleep nights. (I'm a support worker and work 7 days a week, some shifts shorter than others) I'm currently 28+3 days. I feel exhausted. He says he gets I'm pregnant and working but I should be helping him more. (He doesn't work) He was getting stressed and kept complaining about everything. I kept reassuring him and saying okay I will help out a bit more but he hust kept going on about how I just say that and don't act. I lost my temper a bit and told him to calm the fuck down. Now he told me he isn't going to talk to me until I apologise. I just feel like I'm doing so much and him tidying the house/keeping on top of the housework isn't too much to ask. Am I over-reacting?
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What she said 👆👆👆

Yeah what Merve said and carry a baby whilst doing the above!!!

You definitely don’t need to apologise and he sounds completely selfish! If he’s not working what is he doing during the day? It’s not like he’s got the baby to look after yet and working all the hours while you’re pregnant will make you even more exhausted than normal. I’d be telling him to shape up or fuck off tbh 😂

You're absolutely not over-reacting. I used to be a support worker (worked anywhere between 40 and 120 hour weeks), and a large part of my job was household chores. The last thing I wanted to do when I got home was more housework, and that was without being pregnant, so I 100% get where you are coming from! Perhaps agree some lighter tasks that you will be responsible for, eg, the washing up or general tidying of the living room, so there 'accountability' without the vagueness of 'I'll help more'

Hang on sorry he doesn’t work?!! And expects you to work full time+, as well as being pregnant and do the housework?!! Hell no!!! While if you’re “messy” like you say you could maybe help him in this regard, absolutely not to doing housework. My wife works part time and I don’t lift a finger.

He has been a carer for his mum for 5+ years but she has got considerably worse now so social workers think it is best for a care-home. So it isn't the case of him just not having a job. He has had to step away from her care for his own reasons. He is going to start work soon but has serve anxiety. So he is trying. I've never had an issue with being the one working full time as I love what I do but right now I am struggling. Which I have vocalised and I am dropping my hours soon. I just think he really isn't being fair right now. Like yes I'm not the tidiest person but I have been doing a lot. I'm finding I'm snapping a lot more now. I just feel like saying why don't you try and work 60+ hours a week and then tidy the house and also have all the other responsibilities I have. I don't like feeling bitter but I am right now. But I will probably also feel completely different tomorrow after not talking for the whole day. It is just shit.

I'm 26 weeks pregnant and full time carer for my mother, who had a stroke 4 years ago is paralysed and has aphasia and apraxia, she has the mentality of a 4 year old. I wash her dress her, sort meds, food and drink, she has to have 24 hour care aswell as having carers in 3 times per day to assist her. I still manage to get the house work done, do the shopping and cook every night. My partner works and I don't expect him to help with housework. He will help if I need it but I try to get it done before his home. Some days are draining from sorting my mum and pregnacy hasn't been great with some scares. I've I'm unable to get housework done for 1 day tough shit it can wait. How is he coping mentally, not an excuse to go at you but maybe he needs to seek medical advice it's really not easy seeing a parent helpless. You both need you time aswell

@Jane I'm there with him every step of the way regarding his mum. I've been helping with her care for a while as well. I'm the one mostly talking to the social services as this is what he struggles with. I've suggested he talk to the doctor as I know seeing a parent you love decline that way is very hard. Yet he doesn't want to. He is stressed. But won't accept help from the doctors as he doesn't believe they helped his mum. (Her care is mostly mental health and now physical)

@Danielle you're definitely not over reacting, he needs to seek help for his anxiety and maybe go back to work to improve his mental health and take some of the strain from you so you can maybe cut your hours to allow yourself some relaxation time. In your current situation I'd be wanting a 3 course dinner cooking too every night 😘 and him to wash up after 😂

That's got to be the hardest part if he won't ask for help. Must be so hard for you seeing him this way too. Hopefully social services will be able to assist you guys more and that will take the stain from you both. I hope it improves for you x

As all the ladies above have said, if he doesn’t work (for whatever reason) and you work 52 hours a week on top of GROWING A BRAND NEW HUMAN then it’s not you who needs to be doing more. Forgive me, but what does he even do all day? I have anxiety myself, and that on top of having a tough pregnancy so far has meant I’ve stopped working, so don’t get me wrong, I understand what it is like have days when getting out of bed is an achievement, never mind stacking the dishwasher, but honestly I don’t think I could live with myself if I watched my other half work his 50 hour week and then expected him to pitch in around the house. I’m lucky because he does a lot anyway (he does all the laundry as of last week because bending down to get the clothes in and out of the machine was causing me issues 😂), but I’d never expect it of him. Honestly, he needs to be the one to apologise. Drama between you is that last thing you need on your plate.

Sorry but he sounds like an absolute asshole …

Hey Danielle, you’re doing great momma. I’ve been off work for 5 weeks and here you are working 52 hours! Your partner is doing a lot at home, you’re doing alot outside of the home, usually this works for a unit or couple. If it was any other dynamic I’d side with your man, however YOU ARE PREGNANT. Doesn’t matter how messy you are. You should be relaxing and taking it easy. What if you can’t do much around the home before and post birth? WhT is he going to do then? He defo needs to empathise and not sympathise. He’s probably thinking if you can exert that much effort for your job surely you can do a bit at home, but by the time you’re home you’re probably exhausted! As anybody would be! Just have a calm conversation with him and see if anything else is troubling him. Right now you need him emotionally, you don’t need this negativity and fights over house chores. Love and prayers to you x

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