Talk of a second baby after a hard first.

Currently pregnant with my second and having an even worse time. I know I will absolutely not being doing it again.

Sounds like you're not ready for your second. Wait it out or choose to stay with 1.

Having 2 kids close to age is not a walk in the park. If having your first was terrible it will only put more stress on you the second time around. Way more stress.

Going through it now. Scared I’ll regret not having another. But scared about the labor again because I had issues with my daughter. Tough decision!!

Had a horrific labor and bad pregnancy, and my son was near death in the NICU for a month. But he, as a child, is an ANGEL.
We hopped on number two as soon as we reasonably could (when my son was about 12m old).
Nothings getting in the way of me having my 2+ lil family, not even my health and sanity!😆
I just remind myself the pregnancy part is so, so temporary. As miserable as it is

ya u go through misery only to have more stress with 2 close to age but atleast its over and done with.

My first pregnancy was hard it started with hyperemesis I was in and out of hospital fighting doctors to help me and was on medication until the day after I had her. From 20 weeks I struggled with pelvic girdle pain and ended up on crutches and from 28 weeks I had to go in twice a week for monitoring as she was measuring small.
She ended up being breech so booked in for a c section they kept pushing it back and my waters ended up going 2 days before the c section date.
It was such a rush I was scared progressing quickly and in a lot of pain from a nurse messing up my arm with a IV to a student checking my cervix for 5 minutes while I had non stop contractions the midwife had to tell her to stop.
I had a hard time in the operating room I was terrified having a panic attack and the gas and air didn’t work
After I had a hard time healing and my milk didn’t come in so the hospital traumatised me but that’s another story.

I swore I wouldn’t have another but in December last year we started talking about it and we agreed that we would love one more.
I got pregnant the next month and tbh I’m now 17 weeks and I stress every day about what’s to come I have hyperemesis again and today my hips started hurting but when I look at my little girl I remember it was all worth it and it will be again this time!
I have to give birth alone this time round so that’s gonna be a trauma by itself but I know I’ve got this for my little boy he will be worth it.
Plus we are definitely done after this one.
The thing is nobody can tell you whether you’re ready but you but do remember you’re stronger than you think. X
Sorry for the long comments 😂

when i say really hard i mean medically. Im perfectly fine with my adorable boy, and i would love to have more, its more about the anxiety of the medical side.

I wasn’t ready to have another one until about 5 years later.

No dont apologize! I love the long comments. I love when I can have stories to read. The hospital ordeal seems like a shitshow (excuse my language) honestly. I would love to hear about the journey you are on now!! Feel free to message and keep me posted. ❤️

I had an easy pregnancy but a really rough delivery with my son. It took a long time to even consider having a second! We only started trying when he was well over two. I’d give yourself time and space… as well as permission to share your feelings (both of you) openly and honestly. Communication is really important! I’m sure you’ll make the right decision for your family!

I never really wanted kids to begin with but after an extremely rough pregnancy and labor resulting in emergency c-section, I really don’t want more than one. My husband (who does love our daughter very much) wants to try for a boy…and I don’t know if I have it in me, in any sense.

I had a horrible pregnancy and birth, the whole experience I think was too much for my partner. He is dead against going through it again but strangely it hasn't put me off - I would love to do it all again as hellish as it was because I'm head over heels about my little boy and I want another!

My husband was the one who first brought up NOT having a second kid. He told me he didn’t want me to have to go through that again and was scared for me. You may be surprised that your partner could feel similar.

Nonetheless, I think you need to be honest. Don’t feel pressured either way and do what is in your gut.

I’ll be part of the #oneanddoneclub as we call it 😉

I'd say if you are back and forth with the thoughts, you aren't quite ready for another baby, wait till you little boy has grown a bit and your body and mind have healed more and then see how you feel about another baby, when you are ready you can learn from the first pregnancy and it could end up being a better experience, but yeh wait till your both on the same page 100%

I wanted 2 but after a bad birth and recovery I said to my partner that I'm 99.9% sure I'll never want another baby. He agrees with me, it's been too difficult and he's scared of losing me so it's for the best. Maybe adoption will be an option for us one day 😊 we are waiting 4 years to be certain and then he will get a vasectomy or I'll get my tubes tied.

Pregnancy was great but I had a bit traumatic first delivery but after 3-4 months I was ready for baby no 2.

I completely understand! I had undiagnosed preeclampsia and felt awful my entire pregnancy, starting at about 20 weeks. I was incredibly swollen (couldn’t wear shoes, only could fit in my husbands clothing) starting around 5 months. Gained 80 lbs of water weight on a 4’11 frame. Needless to say, Pregnancy wasn’t glamorous or fun for me, I didn’t celebrate it the way I should, no one really was there to support me.

Also my l/d was a shitshow after my doctors finally detected severe preeclampsia once I started going into labor. Unsuccessful induction, emergency c section 40 hrs later after 6 hours of pushing, no support and honestly don’t remember much of our first weeks due to postpartum preeclampsia, medication,stress, and anxiety. I do want another child though, I want my girl to have a sibling and I love seeing my husband as a dad. I want a chance for redemption at l/d too, as silly as it sounds. I want another opportunity to really celebrate being pregnant and feeling beautiful.

This. Right here. Yes. ✨️🙌

I think it’s fair to acknowledge the bad and hard stuff, and also say that we want another chance. I’m in therapy now and am working through my experience. There’s so much that I’m doing differently the second time around, lessons I’ve learned like hiring the support I need rather than naively counting on the “village” who are supposed to rally around the pregnant woman, over communicating and speaking up constantly, getting second and third opinions, documenting everything like weight gain and swelling, all of that which will hopefully make my second (and any future possible pregnancies) that much easier. I’ve learned so much!

My husband definitely wants more kids but is also hesitant and reluctant. With my severe preeclampsia and c section, we were told to wait at least year before trying again. So we’ve had really frank conversations about how he has to be more supportive and helpful with the next pregnancy, has to take initiative and help me find doula/take classes/more prepared

I recommend talking to your doctor to get answers for any concerns and questions you have. How likely to have a repeat experience, how to make it easier/more comfortable, etc. Then you and your partner can have a more thought out conversation rather than being overwhelmed by emotions only

We have spoke to a few doctors and its basically the same thing. Im just curious as to how many other mamas have went through it, and how they opened conversation with their spouse or other. Im communicating well with mine, i was curious is all.

My first pregnancy was pretty easy. Blood pressure went wild towards the end so they took her emergency c-section. Second pregnancy I was 20 weeks along and we lost a little girl. Never did really get a true answer on what happened to her. That was this past November. Just found out I'm 5 weeks 3 days pregnant and we are so nervous. Worst thing to do is get on Google! My baby dr told me I'm not allowed to Google lol. I've had the headache and sore breasts. Just a bit of the nausea, for now, but I know the first 2 I had the morning sickness with.

@Krisee when I was pregnant, my sister told me to text her any of my Google questions. Either she would have "answers" or she would do the search and relay the results minus the terrifying stuff

@Johnnie it was medical for me, first time around I was on insulin by 12 weeks, anterior placenta and breech, failed induction leading to c-section, this time around I'm on insulin again, being treated for preeclampsia, anterior and footling breech, HG, ect. Currently sat in the MAU waiting to see a Dr as my blood pressure is so high. I'm only 22 weeks. So what else is gonna go wrong.
Little boy is 2y4months, so a good gap, and he is an angel. But now I'm so worried something will happen to me!

I’m sorry to hear about your loss, and congratulations on your new pregnancy! Hoping all goes well :)

I will say though, knowledge is power!I kept googling and getting the result that I must have preeclampsia, based on the symptoms I was experiencing, but my doctors kept dismissing. Had I known more, I would have known to expect induction, a c section.. A big part of my trauma is that the signs were all there big time but completely overlooked, my concerns were dismissed and I was lectured for “gaining too much weight” without asking more questions, and was led to believe that I was going to have a med free vaginal l/d. None of that came to fruition and I’m the one left working thru it in therapy. The numerous childbirthing classes I took didn’t even entertain the thought or possibility of c sections, so it was even that much harder not having even prepared emotionally, physically or pragmatically for having one. I came home from the hospital with nothing ready.

Pregnancy is so much more serious and consequential when you have a medical issue. It’s not the stuff of crunchy mama social media where you’re “breathing your baby out” when it’s life and death (that’s what I thought my whole pregnancy! I wrote everything off as ‘oh, just pregnancy symptom I can power through’). I understand it’s a really hard thing to go through and quite another to do it again. Talk it over with your partner and be sure you have true support you need.

Yeah im scarred from my first pregnancy as well, i kept saying im not doing this again throughout the pregnancy, the father of my child said he still may want more kids blablabla, I didnt bother to talk to him about it to change his mind, i just said yeeah highly doubt is going to come from my coochie but who knows and left it at that.

Now that our newborn is here I have left him in charge of the feeding, changing etc when he is over to help which is once or twice a week (he works the other days). i only have stepped in once or twice because our baby is very colicky. He has tried to hand him off and im like nope, i do this all day, its mommy time ✨. Yeah he is getting a vasectomy now 😂

We broke up during my pregnancy but i love how sleep depriving a man changes things, like hell im going to be the only one going through the trenches while he things this process is “not that bad”. Man has a new found respect for me now 😂😂

I didn’t even have my baby yet and my boyfriend is already talking having a baby I’m not sure if he was joking or not but he was like “maybe another one after our baby girl” I looked at him and started laughing because I’m the one carrying the baby and I’m the one suffering but don’t get me wrong I’m super happy about it BUT it’s a lot of work

I love this.

I had a different experience though considering my husband absolutely loved Jasper so much that he almost wouldnt let me have him 🤣😂
He was always taking care of him, Changing diapers, spending time with him with music and toys, and showing him off. I almost felt like he used me to make his best friend 🤣😂 (kidding of course) After Jasper came into the world, its been amazing.

Labor and delivery sucked tho.

I was induced at 40wks and it was a rough labour. Lots of interventions in a very short amount of time. My prenatal care wasn’t great either. I left every appointment confused or in tears (often both). He’s 1 now. But if you are wanting another one or are unsure you can always discuss things with your dr. Help overcome the ptsd and decide from there. I understand it’s hard. I got pregnant again (currently 32wks) and I’ve had more problems this time around although my prenatal care has been nothing short of amazing (different hospital). I wish things had of been different with my first baby but it happened that way. I spoke with a nurse about things who helped me when I was mentally stuck/stressed and she definitely helped me out. I’m nervous as the weeks progress leading up to the birth of this one but I have some positive mantras I keep repeating and I know that everything that occurred during my first kept us both healthy and safe

medical side effects the way you function regardless so if one was hard 2 is worse.

I had and awful birth with my 1st. 2nd pregnancy was harder but birth a lot easier x

Well well I have an 11 year old daughter and I just delivered 3 months back… yeah I know after 11 years …wasn’t easy but yes we did it and now m like woah I did it again 😁😁

TW : sensitive content I had my baby june 2022 it was a rough pregnancy but I definitely stayed as positive as I could and had support from my bf however I got pregnant 3/4 months postpartum and I felt very unhappy and even depressed as well as physically(morning sickness) and I ended up having an abortion which I’m not proud of but I definitely am happy I put my mental health first so it’s totally up to you what you do with your body !

I am experiencing this, and my first baby hasn’t even been born yet! I’m due this month, and I have been so sick the entire time, in and out of the hospital. It has been so hard on me and my husband, but I desperately want to try for a girl ASAP.

I had a terrible experience during my first pregnancy. My daughter was breech, I was super uncomfortable towards the end, and had gestational diabetes. I felt terrible pretty much 24/7. I got through it and swore I'd never do it again. My husband was devastated but felt lucky enough to have at least 1 child. She is 22 months old right now and just now decided to try again. And hope that my next experience will be better. I would love to give my daughter a sibling. I forgot to add that I had the worst sciatica pain from like 30 weeks pregnant and still have it. I have been seeing a chiropractor though that makes it bearable.

Thats not necessarily true. Some moms who have had a hard first pregnancy, but have an amazing second and say it was easier. My friend is the prime example. She and I were pregnant at the same time and both of us had a horrible pregnancy the first time. She just had an amazing pregnancy her second time around and said that her body reacted exactly how it should have.
Just because you have a hard first doesnt mean you have a hard second. Im aware of that. The original intention of this post was to allow others to talk about their struggles and see that noone is alone. AND to talk about how THEY opened the conversation with their spouse/other about more kids.

I love that you have gained the courage to do it again dispite the odds!! All the positive vibes and lines <3

I feel that. Just remember to breath and live in the moment during the birth. If you have an amazing delivery, allow yourself that time to take it all in. <3 Wishing you all the best of luck, safety, and strength, mama!

Where i personally dont agree with abortion, i dont judge anyone who thinks differently than i do. If you believe that what you did was for the betterment of your wellbeing, mental health, and personal self, then thats all that matters. I am glad you had support from your bf through your first pregnancy and that you are safe and alive. You matter to the world, always remember that!! 💛 If you ever need someone to talk to, I am always here. We all dont have to agree on the same things, but we can still love and be kind to eachother without judgement.

I had HG and I have chronic pain and fatigue, then my labor ended up an emergency C-section and i didn’t respond well to the epidural.
It was traumatizing for me and also traumatizing for my spouse to see me that way on the OR table. 9mo later and I’m not so much traumatized as I am heartbroken and sad that I didn’t get to have a beautiful and joyous pregnancy and birth story.
I don’t know if it’ll be any different the second go around, but it’s worth it to me to try and having my daughter makes my heart so full, I know my next baby will as well.
I’m certain now that I want to try for another baby in a few years, however, my husband is still very much traumatized by the labor process and isn’t certain he wants to watch me go through it again. He had said that he is open to revisiting the topic in a few years

I had gestational diabetes and was considered high risk. Otherwise, I loved my pregnancy and birthing. There was a little scare bc my baby didn't grow after 38 weeks.

I had to fight to not be induced but compromise with just a "cooked balloon." Once my water popped, my baby was out within 10 minutes of pushing. No tears either. Proudest moment of my life.

BUT it was followed by major undiagnosed PPD. I felt like an absolute failure for not being able to produce enough milk. I'd cry every 3 hours when I had to bottle feed my baby. The first year was so difficult and traumatizing for us.

There's no reason why I can't learn from this experience to have another. And I've always wanted a big family. But terrible twos is no joke. I'm at my wits end.

To all the mamas here who had a 2nd with all they've been though, you are amazing!

My first pregnancy was really hard on me and it took me a while to come around to the idea. I had originally wanted them to be 18 months apart but ended up putting it off, now they’ll be a little over 2 years. The only thing that truly convinced me was “if it’s as bad as the first, you’re ready and know what to expect, if it’s better then you’ll be so much more appreciative of it” and it has been so much better! I can’t say it would be for everyone, but worth a try if you really want another kiddo ❤️❤️

All I see in this post is your experience then you asked people those questions so its not all about the questions but your reaction to your pregnancy so I gave my answer to that. I wasn't talking about just the pregnancy obviously I was talking about handling 2 at once that are close to age and if you had ptsd with your first then find the reasons why you did and see if you can handle 2 this time around. Thats all. I have 2 myself but I never suffered post partum and I'm tired as hell anyone can easily get post partum with 2 at once close to age I'm not going to say that its all pretty and I have a good mind state so I can only imagine someone going through the whole post partum ptsd after their second goodluck!! And just because I say its hard doesn't mean that I don't love my babies because I would give my soul for them 2! Good or bad pregnancy you're in for some shit with 2 at once thats all.

I feel you on this. Although, I had an easy 9-month pregnancy, my labor story on the other hand was a different story. I ended up up going through a life threatening complication and it has made me really question on whether i want to have another baby..

Totally understood. We had a hard first pregnancy and difficult labour and delivery ( scary, brutal postpartum to heal now). However, a difficult first isn’t always indicative of a hard second from what I’m told.

I can totally relate. I've decided I don't ever want to be pregnant again but I'm open to fostering or adoption if/when the time is right and if my little girl wants a sibling x

I had a somewhat bad pregnancy with my first and I also got GD cuz I didn’t pass my glucose test. But man I am currently pregnant and this second time around is worst for me. I got diagnosed with HG where I 🤮 5-7 times a day went to the hospital every week for iv fluids in the first trimester. It did get better but in the evening I am still dying. So far my 2nd sucks. All pregnancy is different.