Mother-in-law thinks our son is HER son… am I overreacting?

I’ve been with my husband since 2020 and took on a stepmom role with his son (he’s now 7) raising him as my own since the end of 2020, and we have a 1 yo daughter now as well. We have a great relationship and he has seen me as a mother figure for so long. By circumstances I’ve taken up the mom role in his life, he’s an absolute blessing.

His mother is still in his life, but she isn’t exactly the greatest at making an effort or being there, but I’ve never tried to replace her and even though there are things we don’t like or may not like her at times, both me and my husband have nothing but respect for her because she’s our sons mother at the end of the day and he loves her.

Prior to our relationship, my husband was a single dad and my mother-in-law helped with his son watching him on Saturdays. She was his only grandparent, so they are very close. Since we’ve been together, he’s grown a great relationship with my parents and they are also his grandparents now too.

I spend a lot of time with my family, because we are super close and i visit then a few times a week during the day with the kids. They have a free schedule most days where my MIL doesn’t.

She doesn’t make much of an effort to spend time with my daughter, but gets upset that she’s uncomfortable with her or we don’t ask her to watch her. She thinks I drop her off with my parents often (which I don’t, except for a couple hours here and then for a nail appt or a rare date night), and is jealous at how comfortable my daughter is with my mother. She’s always talked about how she can’t wait till she can “snatch” her and take her for the night, and almost always only asks to keep our son for the weekend. Hardly ever wanting to spend time with the kids without “taking them” or all together as a family. She doesn’t invite us over.

After our son asked to spend the weekend with my parents, which he had an amazing and fun time, my MIL found this out and had a whole jealous fit. Said if she can’t spend time with our daughter that was “fine, but don’t you dare take my grandson away from me”.

She has overstepped so many boundaries, I could tell her not to do something a certain way with my daughter and she will continue right in front of me, she will override our parenting with our son to where he’s unsure who to listen to, and she has the insane thought that our son is… HER son.

Just this week when our son came home from her house, he looked so out of it and upset but wouldn’t talk. (He usually gets this way when he misses his mom and doesn’t voice it) but because he was with her we thought we’d ask… she tried to tell us he was “just relaxed” as if we don’t know our son, and when I said “okay just wanted to ask, maybe he’s missing his mom” she responded with “yes but grandma is like mom!”

That was it for me and I lost my mind. I know that’s a lot to read, and I’ve only vented about it to the few people that know the situation but please tell me if I’m overreacting or if I have a right to feel uncomfortable with her thinking our son is her son and the need to always want to take our kids or just the crossing boundaries overall?😫

Had a great relationship with her before, but I honestly have taken such a step back since more events that would take even longer to speak about.

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First off, I will say that people who only want to see your kids ALONE is a huuuuuge red at to me. Also, adults who ask their kids to keep secrets from their parents or do the whole you don’t have to listen to her just listen to me thing are not safe adults at all. I would be having a talk with her and telling her that if these things can’t change, she will not have rights to see your kids anymore. I would also set my son down and just very gently explain to him that he listens to mom and dad first always because you guys love him and are looking out for his best interest. My son unfortunately doesn’t have much of a relationship with my mom and her husband because they do very similar things. They do things I’ve asked them not to do literally right in front of me, they’ve told me that when I’m not around, they’ll do things how they like to do, etc.
It’s not easy, but you have to do what’s best for your babies!

thank you! I’m sorry you’ve gone through it too! It’s so frustrating.

It is very frustrating! You’re almost never overreacting or overthinking when it comes to the (mental, emotional, and physical) health and safety of your kiddos! I’d do anything and cut ties with about anybody to make sure my boy grows up in much better conditions than I did 🙂

We're having a similar issue with my Mil, she will overstep and do things in front of me that I have told my man I don't like her doing. She won't compromise with us and whenever I let her take baby I'm worried and nervous, she bought things thinking we were gonna leave our baby with her once she was born and we only did one date night but found out that she is not reliable. We have our lives and they don't revolve around her and she hates that but I'm almost to the point of going off on her if she says my baby is spoiled one more time

in our community

Is it bad of me to think this or no?

My husband has been abroad for work (1 day and exploring for 1 day) for 2 and a half days which means I’ve had both kids (1 year and 4 year old) for 2 and a half days plus cooking, cleaning, taking them to clubs, bedtimes!
He came home late afternoon and said I’m so tired, I just need to chill. I said can you wash up whilst I sort kids dinner out, he said he’ll do it later which means he won’t do it and I’ll end up doing it so I said no do it now please otherwise I’ll end up doing it and he said well you have been home and I’ve been away so you’ve just been relaxing.
Don’t know what planet he is on but having the kids alone for 2.5 days is not relaxing. I was stressed!

When he was away, I did miss him and wanted him to come back but now he’s back, I want him to go away again😂
Is that bad?

Post partum dad

I have a 2 month old. A few weeks ago my husband crashed out because he didn't feel like he was getting to bond with her. I started exclusively breastfeeding around that time and honestly didnt see the big deal. Baby and I left for a few days and when we got back home, everything was fine. He was extremely hands-on. He helped with my meals, her bedtime, bath, stories.....for a few weeks it was great. Then he randomly sounds depressed af. He says our lo is better off without him, he wants to sleep all day , he asks me not to watch tv then tried playing a video game. He refused to reply to me when i asked any follow-up questions. Then he woke up our baby trying to race me to the bathroom first thing in the morning . He's doing a weird mix of crying, trying, and giving up. Im starting to feel like I cant handle him not being able to handle life with baby and just want to be alone. Are there resources for men?

Feeding

My son is coming up to five months and I just started giving him oatmeal and rice cereal. When can you start trying veggies or fruits? I only give him the oatmeal or rice cereal once a day right now which is what the paediatrician had said to do. I’m just curious to when anybody tried anything else with their kids cause my son eats a lot of formula and he’s VERY curious when I eat.

Really bothered by this

A friend posted this and it really bothers me because that is exactly how she parents her kid, and it's rather unfortunate because when our kids hang out together, her kid has a meltdown at least 5x within an hour. We have know them for years and it's only gotten worse. My kids will concede to hers, because they don't want to see their friend crying, but it sucks because they give up so much of their toys and enjoyment to keep the peace. We aren't hanging out as much anymore but it's rather sad to think she doesn't intervene more in her child tantrums and just let's it slide

My 2 year old won’t eat nothing but snacks

Is this normal ? He won’t even try anything I eat .. he really only like pizza fries and spaghetti… nuggets and snacks bananas some other fruit but like anything else he won’t eat if try but I don’t want to force him I’m just I feel like bad I mean he isn’t losing weight I breastfeed mostly still

Is this normal

Let’s say you’re at a softplay with your 2 year old, and some friends & their toddlers.
You buy your 2 year old a kids meal - chicken nuggets, beans, and chips. They’re very happy with it and have almost eaten it all.
They’re sat at the table, fork in hand, consistently eating, and have one chicken nugget left.
Your adult friend comes over from behind you, picks up the last chicken nugget, and eats it.
There was no indication that your child wasn’t going to eat it, and they didn’t ask. They just took it with no warning and ate it right in front of you and your toddler.
How you reacting?