Husband doesn’t want any more kids 😢 advice please

I’m so sorry for the long post and if this triggers anyone (warning sensitive- regarding abortion).

Granted my husband and I were dead set when we first met we only want the 1 child to give all our focus and attention to and it just fits our life in terms of having that financial stability to provide for that 1 child and being able to give them the best opportunities in life.

We have struggled as first time parents getting to grips with parenthood, it’s been very challenging especially for my husband who is working overtime to cover bills whilst I’m on maternity leave, disturbed sleep and constant crying and fussiness. Not to mention we had a traumatic birth. And so, We’ve both outright said especially in moments of frustration (please don’t judge) as much of a blessing a baby is and we love our baby, we don’t understand why people would want to go through that all over again after going through such a major life change.

However, my baby is getting older and I’m dealing with motherhood a bit better. The thought has crossed my mind about the possibility of having another, by no means planned, but I’ve spoken to a fair few now (including my own mother) who have conceived on accident, despite all odds of contraception (no contraception is 100%). Just for context I have the contraceptive implant since birth.

And so I recently brought up the topic with my husband I said I know we have agreed to not plan for another child but IF contraception was to fail and pregnancy happens I would fully embrace it because I feel like it’s god’s plan for me and I do not believe in abortion.

My husband reaffirmed he does not want any more children, and is planning on having the snip (something we both already agreed is for the best however I’ve heard pregnancy can still happen after this!)

However, I was quite sad and shocked that he said if we did conceive accidentally which is unlikely, he is pro abortion and would want that in those circumstances which is the complete opposite of my mindset!

He keeps alluding to one time in our early dating days when we had unprotected sex and I took the morning after pill debating that having an abortion is no different to the morning after pill as “it’s still a life” when actually it’s completely different for me after i know 100% I have conceived.

Then he joked that he’s scared to have sex with me now especially “as you’re having second thoughts” which is not the case I’m just not naive to think contraception is 100%, but I actually think deep down he is a bit scared to especially now knowing my stance on it, and has suggested doubling up on contraception until the snip.

I’m feeling heartbroken after this conversation and I’m questioning my future security and family stability with him now. I truely didn’t expect he had that view which is so vastly different to mine.

I’m thinking the worst that what if it happened and it breaks us because of a difference in opinion and life choice.I just don’t know how to deal with these emotions because I didn’t expect my husband to feel so strongly about something I’m totally against and is in the opposite direction to my own mindset.

anyone else in the same position?

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You’ve had such a tough conversation with your husband about the future based on a lot of ‘what ifs’ also, I’m assuming as you’ve pasted in this group your baby is between 14-10 weeks old. I’ve spoken to some male friends who said that they didn’t bond with the baby properly for months, to the point at the start they didn’t even love them. It took them months to even admit that to their own partners and years to tell the world. You’ve said you had a traumatic birth and that it’s been a challenge also, plus your husband has been working even more to cover everything financially so he more than likely has his own stressors there too. Men don’t bond the way women do with their babies, not straight away, in most cases. Purely as it’s so different for us, it’s our bodies that changed, it’s us who felt them move, it’s us who may have died bringing them into this world. For men, nothing is different until the day they are here. It’s your marriage and life, you do what’s best for you and your

Baby at the end of the day. But I personally wouldn’t risk losing my husband over a conversation based on what ifs, especially so soon into becoming parents. X

If you don’t want another child and are against having an abortion, then doubling up on contraception is probably a sensible idea. If you are using two types of contraception the chances of getting pregnant are tiny so it would be incredibly unlikely that you would ever face the situation of having to choose whether or not to have an abortion. Don’t let the what ifs of something so unlikely stress you out. If it happens you will deal with it, there is no point trying to change his mind now and it potentially turning into an argument over something that will probably never happen.

I would firstly try and figure out if you're upset that he doesn't want more children (like your title suggests) or whether you're upset that his view on abortion is so different from yours, or if you're upset about the very specific what if we get pregnant again by accident scenario. Because option 3 is as the person stated highly unlikely to materialize if you're on double contraception, and he then gets the snip. You'd be potentially ending an otherwise fabulous relationship on a very big what if.
Also a little on his defence the jokes about not having sex in case you get pregnant aren't meaning to be offensive my hubby is getting the same from me atm. We're slightly different in that we both don't want anymore kids but he doesn't believe in abortion, but after 3 unplanned kids I think he'd probably grudgingly consider it.

I'm kinda in the same boat. My husband and I always thought we'd just have one but I'm starting to feel I may want another, but he's pretty against it. He's found the newborn stage really difficult, (but has an amazing bond with our boy as he has a long paternity leave, so has been off the whole time to help me care for him.)
I asked him if he would go through it all again and he said ultimately yes, but he's worried about the finances and also the sleepless nights really get to him.
Atm we have just agreed to see how we feel in 2-3 years time. I'm happy with just having my boy, so if he was my only child I wouldn't be upset, but part of me just feels like I'm not done having kids yet if that makes sense?

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