Partners with autism

I’m not autistic and I don’t have any autistic people in my life, but I am very sensitive to noise and I’ve found Loop earplugs to be really useful. They’re comfy and you can buy them in different sound-blocking strengths, whether you want to completely go into a focus bubble or just turn the volume down on screaming kids.

https://www.loopearplugs.com/products/engage-plus

Thanks he does have some. We've had to get a few pairs so they're dotted round the house so they're to hand when he needs them 🤣

My partner is also autistic :)

He has finds baby crying difficult as he has always been sensitive to sound. I wouldn't say it was heightened sensitivity to normal since baby being born, but its a different sound to what he is used to and its not like there is an easy volume control on it like there are with speakers.

I have found he gets more focused on stuff at the moment and will go ages not doing something he has planned to do/been asked if I dont keep interrupting and annoying him. For example today it took about an hour of me reminding/asking him every 10mins if he had put the washing on before he actually did it (the machine was loaded, just needed the powder added and press go). Not sure how much of this is his autism or just being tired though as I know he has not been sleeping well the last week as he is worried about going back to work and leaving me alone with baby
(He is worried that no one will be here to help me if I am struggling, not specifically that he is not going to be here).

Hi! I’m autistic:) husband shows signs but not diagnosed yet. While I haven’t had the baby I’ve noticed pregnancy has made my emotions a lot more uncontrollable. I’m quite the mess. My little brother is autistic as well and diagnosed but I’ve had him straight up explain to me this baby won’t matter (to him) until it’s older and can form it’s own opinions. I wouldn’t say your husband has the same mindset but people with autism have a hard time understanding the “norm”, as in baby comes first. Don’t think he doesn’t love your child(ren), I like to describe the thought process with male autism as a tunnel. They often find it harder to look beyond a subject and move to another without completing or seeing a result first. Babies do cause a lot of sensory, sound, smell, touch etc. he could be just needing time to become used to the new environment, eventually you both will find your ways to overcome this and be happy. But you have to remember as this child ages, and they grow and have new

His sensitivity to foods as well has been more noticeable since baby was born (about 3wks ago). He has certain textures and colours that he doesn't get on with. Normally its fine, we sometimes have different meals as I really like some of the foods he hates or we have meals which avoid things he doesn't like. Previously he has been fine if I am eating something he doesn't get on with, but since baby was born he struggles with me eating it. For example he has a thing about red foods and since baby was born he doesn't like that there are tomatoes in the fridge for my salads. Whenever he gets asked to make dinner (because baby is feeding) he will refuse to prep the tomato for my dinner, at best it will just go on the plate whole (try cutting a tomato with only 1 hand and a normal dinner knife), but sometimes it won't even make it out the fridge.

Issues and such, this change will ALWAYS make him uncomfortable, he will need to adjust. We don’t like change, but alas it must happen:) I hope you guys can find a way to go about life to be happy ❤️

I was worried about my partner going back to work. But it was actually a little easier cause I didn't have to work to his schedule. Me and baby really got to find our feet and routine

your brother sounds just like my partner in some aspects. Empathy has been a learned skill for him. We talk through most things and when he gets in to tunnel mode I will talk with him. We don't argue. I'm very lucky we have great communication. So times his unemotional view of the world makes it so much easier to tackle those conversations cause he just sees it as a problem to solve. So is always solution based and doesn't get caught up in the feelings aspect which works for both of us.

That’s awesome❤️ I’m glad to hear that truly, it’s really hard to find true love when you’re autistic. I never hear ANYONE talk about appreciating/truly loving their s/o’s emotions. I’m glad he has someone like you who cares so deeply to help and be patient:)

we're very open about the impact it has on his life...he jokes he's got all the good autistic traits with none of the bad...we beg to differ on that one 😅. I remember when we started dating we were in a restaurant and it was really loud and I could see he was struggling to focus and hear so asked he wanted to leave and go somewhere else. Which we did. He really appreciated that as past girlfriends just got angry and thought he wasn't listening. He doesn't have to mask with me so doesn't get as tired. He may have the high IQ but I have the high EQ so we make a good team 😂

he was also worried baby would be autistic too. I said so what if she is it can be her super power too and she will be awesome just like her dad. Are you worried your baby being autistic?

I will be honest, I’m worried in the aspect of growing up undiagnosed and having a lot of trauma from it. I never fully had friends, I constantly took personalities of others to even have friends. I wanna make sure to help and not allow her to feel that way. (We’re having a girl too:) ) I’m also worried in the sense of this world. It’s not easy what so ever, and honestly I NEVER want her to be diagnosed (that is if she’s high functioning, she will still get medical help for anything under the sun, just no labels). The way the world is moving they’re alienating us more and more. There’s already people saying we shouldn’t be allowed any sort of protection (w30p0n$). You both having a background/knowledge in autism should help you both so much! My parents didn’t have any idea until my brother and then I was ignored cause I’d already “gotten past it” myself. But I can understand him being worried, growing up with autism, with and without support, is not easy:(

Hi, yes my husband is very likely to be autistic however he does not want to be formally diagnosed. I can relate to everything you have written as my husband been exactly the same. My husband has to walk out the room when the baby starts screaming. There so much more I want to say but not very good at putting it into words but it’s reassuringly to me that I’m not the only one going through this.

you're not alone x

I'm really sorry you had to go through that. I know how draining the world can be for people with autism. That in itself it hard but to be faced with the alienation that can come with a diagnosis must be hard. I hope your partner supports you and that you make an ace team that can take on life together x

Thank you❤️ mine really is!! He helps a lot and fights a lot of battles for me I didn’t know existed (as in people being rude to me, speaking up at doctors when I forget my questions) he was the first person I’ve ever met that I didn’t shadow their personality, I was able to be myself completely.:)