Venting

You need to speak with your midwife asap and look at some counselling around this. Unfortunately we have little control over the type of birth we have and this should’ve been something you were supported to process throughout your pregnancy if C-section was such a negative idea for you. Hopefully you can get the right support 💕

Have you thought about journaling about why you feel this way? Maybe writing it all down will help you work through it, and see the big picture that a healthy baby matters so much more than whether the baby came into the world via C-section or not.

Idk maybe therapy ..

I didn't go thru what you're going thru, but I can relate to the feelings you are having. My pregnancy was unexpected and honestly not wanted at this time in my life. The 1st and 2nd trimesters were awful. I was just beginning to break free from anorexia, then BOOM rapid weight gain. My mental health started going down, I couldn't look at myself in the mirror, I cried when I was eating. I thought I could power thru it for the sake of my baby. Then OB appointments started... I was told that I wouldn't know who my Dr was until I gave birth and every visit was someone new. I tried to get an outline of what to expect each visit. I was uncomfortable, crying before and after appointments because of the flashbacks that started occurring. The first ultrasound with the OB was with a probe and I tried to fight it cuz I had abdominal ones prior with no issues. I would start to break down just from being told to undress. I got irrationally angry when I was told "scoot down and relax" then shoved without a warning. (1:3)

(2:3) I began to hate my pregnancy first. Every woman I talked too would say "well that's how it is." Or they'd brag about how much they loooooved being pregnant. The stress got so bad that I was going to cause pre-eclampsia from how high my BP was. I knew I was hurting my baby then, and I felt guilty. I felt like a terrible mother. I started having thoughts of "if my own body kills my baby, idk how I can keep going on either". It kept getting worse. I called my psychiatrist (who worked with me prior to the pregnancy for ptsd treatment), I called him when I had the thought of killing my animals before taking me and my child. I knew that wasn't who I was. I survived a brutal attack and NEVER had thoughts like that. This wasn't me. I was diagnosed with perinatal depression and being treated for that and for PPD out of precautions. I then switched to a midwife who gives a sh1t about my feelings. That phone call and medication saved our lives and the low risk for medication was 100% worth it.

(3:3) I know it's not the same situation as you, but I understand some of the emotions and feelings you are going thru..and maybe even held back from saying some. Not every pregnancy is butterflies and rainbows. Not every birth is easy peasy. The women who struggled need one another. We feel alone in a place of happy pregnancies/births and don't deserve to be looked down at for not enjoying this.

im glad you got help and it all ended up semi okay! You did a great job for yourself and baby. Thank you for sharing and I’m sorry it was so rough on you ❤️

For everyone else I just moved, I’m so stressed, and can’t afford therapy.. i might just need time to process it’s just heart breaking and honestly a huge let down to be told all this…

I'm not sure how this app works really, but if you're able to, you're more than welcome to reach out to me to keep venting. I know if my birth plans changed, I'd have a breakdown again too. I'm so sorry this is scrambled for you. I pray your baby flips! I've read that a lot of babies breech themselves for a week or so before they take a head dive back down. Don't give up hope yet 🙏