I’m Not His First Choice. Alcohol is!
I don’t even know where to begin. I’ll just post what happened tonight. My BF ( probably not anymore) and I work together so I understand the stress at his job. I live it everyday too. I’ve been going to his apartment to wait for him to come home from work almost on a daily basis for six months. After work he’ll stop at his favorite bar for a “couple “ drinks. I cooked dinner as usual, cleaned up his place, fed the animals, etc. He texted me earlier that he would be finished work around 8:00 or after if it’s busy. I never expect him home within an hour meaning 9:00 tonight. I’ve been going with the flow. I texted him at 8:42 that dinner was ready and on the stove and that I was going to take a nap. He texted back at 8:48 and said he was stopping for one drink. No problem. He lives three minutes from the bar which closes at 9:00. At 9:35 I got really pissed and tired of waiting for him so I left. When I was leaving he was pulling in the driveway but I kept going. I haven’t heard from him in two hours but why would I? Right? I basically just hauled ass on him. But I’m tired of the alcohol being a priority. He has drinks at home. Am I wrong to ask that he comes straight home to be with me? It makes me feel
I’m not important to him. I now regret doing that and think that I should have waited until tomorrow to break it off in an adult way ( but I wouldn’t have ). I would just keep letting him take advantage of me. I need some advice.
He also takes advantage of me in other ways too that I won’t go into in this post. Am I an enabler? Am I allowing this to keep happening? Is it good or bad that I put my foot down and left?
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These are all great questions that really only you can answer. I will say that to me, enabling is doing something that prevents someone from dealing with the consequences of his drinking. For instance, sometimes I help my husband by starting his laundry because I'm home and he's at work. That's helping. Enabling would be doing his laundry while he's out drinking because he won't have clean clothes for tomorrow. I will alao give some food for thought that at the end of the day, the one one who will take care of me is me. I owe it to myself to make that my priority, not caring for someone else.
I think that it's good that you put your foot down. You take care of everything for him, get food ready and texted him letting him know that dinner would be ready for him. I would have gotten upset too if he went out drinking and was coming in later than when he mentioned, especially if the bar isn't that far away. Having a good sit down talk with him telling him how you feel would be a good idea. I think that there should definitely be communication in a relationship for it to work.
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