Help and advice
So
My family has a history of severe anger issues. My biological father (never knew) apparently abusive, my mother is emotionally, verbally and mentally abusive (she is undiagnosed but we do suspect bi Polar disorder), and my adopted dad has been made fun of for being quick to temper. I remember my parents blow out fights being explosive and screaming with name calling.
Fast forward today. My partner is great but not always great when it comes to me in the sense if I’m upset he doesn’t believe its his job to “help” me feel better. So he says “you’re upset yo0u get over it. I don’t have to change what I’m doing.”
I am planning a wedding, my sons bday and Christmas are coming up, I am studying for post graduate school my head is everywhere with no family or in laws close to help.
I have the most beautiful baby ever and I notice that when I am over whelmed I get impatient and take it out on him. I have grabbed his arm harder than normal, or yelled.
Does anyone have any tips or tricks on how to overcome anger? I( cannot afford therapy. I am christian for a religious perspective. It is very important to me to overcome generational curses and I never want my son to battle this anger that I have.
I never want to traumatize my son and I have no help physically or financially. I know therapy is probably the best but that’s not an option. I have no family to drop my son off to when I need a break and we live in an area that is at least 30 mins away from anywhere s getting somewhere is a literal mission.
I want to do better for my son and for myself. Suggestions
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You better just stop right now. Make that decision and absolutely stop. That child doesn't deserve that crap from you or anyone at all. I understand wanting to get out from under generational curses and that is something I'm actively doing through specific prayers but you also have to choose it. Stop participating in those curses.
The Bible says that God gives us a spirit of self control so remember that when you're overwhelmed and your spouse is 1000000% wrong in his approach to things. You two are one or becoming one and he needs to help you through the hard things. Are you sure you want to marry someone who is so unsupportive?
None of what is going on is your child's fault. Step away when you feel like that. You are doing irreversible harm to your child and it can't be undone. Don't allow it to become worse.
I am not trying to come down hard on you but I am standing up for your child and children should never need protection from their parents bec parents are supposed to do the protecting.
Very ignorant? Wow, ok. So, you can just wake up and decide that. I literally did decide that I wasn't going to allow my children to suffer bec of all the trauma I had been through. I didn't want to scream, yell, be mean just because that's what I experienced. There are a lot of people who have anger issues in my family, and I feel that at times too and you have to hold your tongue and control your behavior. You are literally abusing your child, and you better just stop yourself. Have self-control.
You want to call me ignorant? You're willing to place blame on generational curses and whatnot rather than protect your child at all costs. You'd better just stop. You want me to tip toe around your feelings when you are abusing your child? I'm giving sound advice to you as a Christian that you get ahold of yourself and you walk away in those moments when you're that angry but you never put your hands on your child like that. Anger is awful and consuming but you have a choice in that moment. You know what's right.
you really need to heal . I know it is easier said and done. I have anger issues too. I lashed out whenever Im feeling upset. My dad was very critical about everything. As a child we just have to surpress our emotion. Later on I got married, with my ex who also a narcissist. He will give me silent treatment for days , months and year. Once I was done, I walked away . it was beenc7 years living in an abusive marriage. and now Im with my husband who is gentle, but Im still lashed out but not as crazy how it was before. I also dont know what to do..
Try taking a breath and leaving the room til you calm down instead of grabbing him or yelling, and if you do it apologize after
You can do telehealth therapy! That way, you don't even have to leave your house. They also have telehealth peer support type groups. I did one once for grief and loss and found it incredibly helpful. & have you ever tried grounding exercises? If not, maybe look it up and try it out. It has really helped me with my anger and emotions in general. Good luck, girl💕
Also, I have really struggled with anger issues in the past (and still do from time to time), so I empathize. If you'd like to talk openly without any judgment, please feel free to message me. My inbox is always open. 💕
Incognito, would you be able to message me privately?
@Queen Hanis You're not alone either. I'm not sure if you read my comment to OP, but I suggested a few things, so maybe check it out. If you would like to talk openly to someone who had/has similar struggles, without judgment, my inbox is open to you as well. Good luck to you, momma💕
thank you so much - from comments and posts I’ve seen on this app I feel uncomfortable (as much as I’d like too) because women are so mean. Not saying you are but just the fear you could be :(
thank you so much! I will definitely look into that! I really like that idea. I would love to talk but I’ve seen posts where women become mean and judgemental. I blocked and deleted one woman who was soo rude on this post not because I don’t deserve some judgement but what she said without knowing my situation. It makes me uncomfortable to message and possibly receive more judgement than help :(
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