Baby’s surname

Hyphenate

Little sister has both names as hyphenated surname.

Since you kept your maiden name I think you should hyphenate.
It shouldn’t just be about your husband’s happiness and wants. What you want is also important. The baby got his last name now the baby can also have yours.
Yes, it may be a cultural norm but your feelings are valid

I’m in Australia, I’m from East Europe, husband from Sri Lanka, all 3 countries tend to give father’s surname. We gave our bub my surname. It’s shorter and easier to spell.

My baby has just my surname and I'm really pleased my partner was on board with that. As you say, taking the man's name is born from misogyny. Given you are the one who carried and gave birth to the baby and i imagine you do the lions share of the feeding and caring too, I think it is entirely reasonable for you to want to double barrel your names. Your partner may not be happy but I'm sure in time he would get used to it. Plus, as you say, you're not happy now! Something my partner and I talked about was choosing an entirely new surname or blending our surnames into one - not sure your partner would like this either but it's another option

My partner and I hyphenated so our babies surname is Hearne-De Jonghe. It's a compromise and not like you are asking for baby just to have your surname - he's being selfish.

I think hyphenating would be fair!

I’m curious that if your culture is to not change your surname when marrying then what would the usual thing be when it comes to surnames for babies? Yours, his or both?

Both surnames all the way!!!! I tried to convince my partner to put mine first but he was no up for it so double barrel will be .

I’m double barrelling my baby’s name. Like others have said it’s a good solution x

We're double-barrelling ours. I don't see that your husband has any reason to be upset by that - I think he needs to question his assumptions that his name takes priority.

I added his name onto my last name when we married but never use it.
He didn’t change his last name to add mine when we married.
We ‘compromised’ and baby just has his last name with my surname as a middle name (same as what you have done) and I hate when people call baby [first name] [last name], in hindsight I wish I’d have pushed for double barrel like mine as he’s half me and half him.
I didn’t take just my husbands last name because it’s not mine, I’ve already got my own name and he wouldn’t be prepared to take mine so why should I take his?
But anyway, I’m in exactly the same situation and share the same views that you do.
We haven’t had the conversation yet about how upsetting I find it but he knows I wasn’t happy with the decision.
I think either change it to double barrel or keep as is and give baby the choice (when they’re older)

this is how I feel, I’ve sacrificed my body to have him and I have also exclusively breast fed my son for the last 10 months and I feel it’s an insult to me that he just has dads last name.
He is an amazing Dad but it’s not the point!

Patriarchy world... baby have 2 parents, 2 names. That's easy...

We hyphenated my daughters last name. Me and my partner are not married so it just felt right that we were both honored in her name.

I wouldn’t think too much about it it’s just a surname?
For context I changed to my husbands when we got married so both kids have his name but I’m honestly not precious about it

I am in the UK, and I kept my surname when I married (others do too!) and we will be double barreling it for baby so we are both equally represented

Double barrel the surname you can do that.

Don't do it just because it's conventional in the UK, who cares about what's normal, I'm your case hyphenating sounds like a compromise.
My partner and I are going to merge our surnames into a semi new surname, and all changing to it so we're on equal footing which works for us.

My partner and I aren't married but we have spoke about it and I would double barrel my name if we did the same as we have given to our daughter and he says he would too so we are all the same

We hyphenated too & I kept my maiden name when we married. He may feel weird about it now, but literally my daughters surname never comes up - when you meet other babies and their parents noone asks “is their name hyphenated” 😂 so I bet within a day of signing the birth certificate he’ll forget. Also maybe ask him out of curiosity why he is so bothered that she may drop his surname when she is older? He doesn’t own her, she can pick which names she likes, she may marry and change her surname. Maybe he hasn’t thought about it deeply and its just something subconscious that he needs to work on. Also most people I know with double-barrelled surnames use both - I don’t understand the fear around them dropping one, so what if they do? 🤷‍♀️

We're not married yet but I gave baby his last name. We want to get married and I would take his last name. I don't feel like it's patriarchal or like I'm going to lose myself in him. I want to build with him and create our family together. If you feel you'll be connected better with him and your baby with hyphenated then go for it. In the end it is just a name and doesn't really matter that much.

I hate my surname and would never give it to a child 😂

My hubby and I both changed our names when we got married. We didn’t want to be in this particular situation and we couldn’t agree on either of our names so we looked at all of the family names on both sides going back a couple generations and picked our favorite. Another option I’ve seen for people who have longer names that make hyphenating pain is to mash the names together. For example I knew someone who’s last name was coppersmith and their partner was stormsguard and all of their kids lasts names were Cooperguard.

We didn’t know what to do about this when we married, let alone with kids. So we actually chose a new surname together and both legally changed. Neither of us thought the other person should give theirs up when the other wasn’t. Appreciate this is totally personal preference and not for everyone.
So baby will have our new surname that we chose together

oh snap!

I wasn't married when I had my son, he has his dad's name. When we got married I double barrelled (but didn't hyphenate) and even now I wish we had done that with my son but my husband was adamant that he have his name not both. He even recently said he would have agreed to him having my name but would have wanted it changed when we got married

twinning!

I’m Italian. Historically women keep their maiden names but then kids get their dad’s surnames. As of last year a new law actually changed that to child getting both surnames *unless* you opt out and specify that you only want one of the two surnames only but both partners need to consent.

very nice to know there’s someone else out there who did the slightly weird “female surname as middle name thing” 🤪. Do you have more than one child? I assume you would just apply the same concept to any future baby? Anyway I think I am opting for let her choose to change it when older…. I do agree with the vast vast majority of these comments but I’m leaning towards leaving it as is for now (my surname as her middle name).

I named both my children the same format as you. I say double barrel the name. It’s so common in the UK even with long surnames. Also we can never know in advance what or how the child will feel about the name. The name will belong to them and they can do what they want with it. Just like you did.

My partner and I aren’t married, our son has both our surnames not hyphenated because they don’t go at all 😂
My partner was quite put out that I didn’t automatically choose to give his surname but it was my choice!

Me and my ex hyphenated our daughters surname, so she has mine-his. I agree with you that automatically giving baby dads surname is outdated and us women are the ones going through the pain for 9 months. We agreed hyphenating was best cause she has both of our surnames and it made sense as we're not together. If your partner is giving you the go ahead, I'd say go for it.

Taking my husbands name had nothing to do with misogyny for me. His name is infinitely nicer than my maiden name and that’s why I changed it. I had the option to keep a surname I didn’t particularly relate to or have a deep connection to. Or change my surname to a cool French one 🤷🏻‍♀️. No brainer.


Either way. Absolutely hyphenate your babies name. You want that so you do it x

I had a double barrel surname before I was married … I couldn’t wait to get married and change my last name just so my last name wasn’t as long anymore

We have a 10m old and one due in April and they’ll also have my surname as their middle name x

What is more important to you? You getting your way or him potentially feeling emasculated? Choose what feels right.

After I got married I took my husband’s name and moved my maiden name in with my second name, so I now I have 2 (I had one pre-marriage). My husband wasn’t hot on it in the beginning as it’s not aligned to tradition, but I didn’t want to loose my surname in it’s entirety. At the end of the day I have his name only as a surname so that should be more than good enough, and so will our children. I doubt he would have got married if I didn’t take his surname, it’s not uncommon for men to feel that way.

Plus this is a new age, you have to be flexible, it’s not like we’re doing everything according to tradition wives working and raising children and all. 🤷🏽‍♀️

It’s “tradition” in most of the western world because of coverture. That is no longer the law (thank god) so you can definitely and should be able to name your baby with your surname or hyphenated with your husband’s. I don’t like my surname so we gave our baby only his. It was purely for aesthetics and not because of the “tradition” of giving your children only the husband’s surname. You are absolutely not being silly or needing to be talked out of this, it’s a very valid desire and your baby should have your name! (And his too if you wish). You go mama ❤️