Just to prove a point…

I’d keep my child I wouldn’t put them up for adoption and anyone that couldn’t accept them wouldn’t be welcome around

Your dad sounds like an arse.. is he saying this thinking it will be difficult for daughter? I doubt daughter will even view it like that - obviously if it means sons ‘dad’ is involved maybe but if not then she’s not likely to be thinking like that :/

He’s not trying to be an arse, he’s just thinking about it from every possible angle but he’s putting words into my daughter’s mouth which is what is annoying me the most. Daisy is so excited to have another baby brother, always asking to come to scans, see pictures asking to feel kicks. So I do think she will be fine.
Son’s dad is NOT going to be involved in any way at all, I don’t want him anywhere near him. We don’t need anything from him.
I mean she’s only 10, we’ve got to let her let this go and walk the path with her. Talking like this is just gonna make it harder for her to move on.

My dad is just really stressed out at the moment, so I think that’s where a lot of this is coming from.
He’s trying to see it from so many angles but at the end of the day, if anyone is going to be punished it’ll be the monster who did it.
My son may be the son of a monster.
My daughter may be the victim of a monster.
I may be the ex partner of a monster.

But that does not define any of us in anyway!

I'd keep tbh
Although it's not something she can "let go" having had a similar experience as a child it stays with you it's something to accept and grow from as your kind of different afterwards but not all at the same time
Everyone sees me the same but I don't feel the same
Like how Holly bushes once attacked stop growing round leaves and they grow pointy ones it's the same bush and same colour etc just a little different due to experience
All about acceptance as the memory's and feelings in tow with that kind of experience tend to stick

But your son is not that disgusting thing and your daughter will know that and love him he is completely innocent so doesn't need to be adopted out
So in the same situation I'd keep the son and make sure he has no contact at all

Thank you everyone, I realise that my wording of “let go” was probably not the best, so I apologise if i offended anyone. I’m just trying to navigate through this the best way I can.

Never once has it crossed my mind to abort or have my son adopted, he’s mine and he’s gonna be mine! 🥰

I wasn't offended btw I was just showing an example of better phrasing in case it's helpful for your daughter ❤️ sorry if it sounded like i was
It's a big old mess ATM but it will all smooth over

No, it’s okay! I just thought I’d apologise right off the bat just in case I had upset anyone. 🙂

I’m trying so hard not to think about it because in reality there is nothing more we can do about it. I can’t speed the investigation up, I can’t make it go away, I won’t talk to Daisy about it unless she comes to me to talk about it. It’s horrible! As a parent, how do you get over something like this?
I’m gonna self refer myself for counselling, I think that’s the best thing to do. 🤷‍♀️

it would be horrific tbh I have no clue how I'd react even vaguely calmly in the same situation as I've been there and it scares me the idea that there are such bad people in the world
But yeah don't push for talks just love and safety ❤️ and it would make sense that you and hear need counselling and support tbh it's a very distressing situation and hard to process
Much better and more healthy then turning say turning to denial about the whole thing

I’d put my dad up for adoption. You’ve made your decision and he needs to be supportive or he will end up doing more harm in the long term himself. Children are very receptive to people’s feelings and views and they do not need to grow up confused over why their grandad feels odd towards them. You’ve made your decision now do everything to protect those babies from others negativity aswell

If anyone doesn't accept your situation, they don't sound like someone to accept into that child's life with you, to share the memories and milestones etc. If someone isn't happy with my child and saying I should give them up for adoption, there's something within them, that already doesn't accept my child or want it, I don't want that energy around my child, they feel those things. That doesn't sound like true family to me, in that specific instance. Sorry this is happening to you :(