So done with my bestfriend

Me and my bestfriend have been extremely close since we met over a decade ago, we’ve been through a lot of shit together. I had my son a year ago and to say she’s been uninvolved is an understatement. She knows nothing about children and she never tries. She’s never offered me any sort or break or support well because she just doesn’t care. Everytime we hangout it’s the same bullshit and her expecting my partner to do everything including driving her places because “we need us time” It really hurts knowing she doesn’t care, recently she entered a new relationship and she’s been talking to me even less. Keep in mind we only talk maybe once a week. Does she deserve an explanation or should I just stop answering her?
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Have you told her how you feel? My best friend doesn’t really help with my kids… she’s offered but that’s about it. I still love my best friend regardless they aren’t her kids. (My best friend and I have been friends since we were 6, then I moved and we became friends again in grade 9). It’s okay to feel hurt and like she doesn’t care, but talking first about it may help your friendship.

1. I think it’s natural for friends in different stages of their life to grow apart especially if she’s not interested in kids. I’m sure she cares about you but ultimately you can’t force her to feel the same way about ur LO as you and some other friends/family do. That’s also not fair on her. My friends and I are all in the baby zone, when I was still single and after my Partner and I were struggling with miscarriages, I had to really force myself to be around all the pregnant friends and those with babies (I wanted it badly for myself though so it was natural for me to be around the babies and kiddos) I have a good friend however who has decided that children are not on the cards for her. It’s obvious that she zones out a little when it’s baby chat but she’s def improved a little and we all try to make sure that we talk about her life and don’t just dump baby/pregnancy chat on her. You ultimately have a number of choices

2. Be Honest. Tell her how it upsets you that you have grown apart. You can try see it from her perspective too that it’s also hard for her to see you move on with your life and have different priorities. This will either bring you closer or it will blow up into an argument. She’s either a friend for life or she’s not. Phase her out Stop contacting her, take longer to respond or don’t respond at all until it becomes obvious your friendship has run its course. This is a friendship for a season. A long season (10 years) but nonetheless a season Change the friendship type Keep her in your group of friends but change what she means to you. She can be a periphery friend. Your life will be less consumed by your LO at some point. Instead of your ride or die, she’s someone you can chat to about non baby stuff or go and let loose with. You have plenty of choices on how to approach this.

I would put yourself in her shoes, she probably misses you and finds it difficult you are in different stages of life. I have 4 very close best friends and at one point I was the only without a child and I found myself drifting bc it seemed like all they talked about was kids. But I brought it up and they all recognized that they should make the effort to talk about other interests and hobbies and to check in on how my life without kids was going to ensure I knew that I was still a valid member of the friend group. Sometimes it is necessary to let friends go if they are toxic or a bad influence, etc but it sounds like in this case she just isn't a baby person and that is ok.

I agree with the comments above. She isn't obligated to be involved in your kids life and not everyones a kid person and can relate. I couldn't relate to anyone until I had a baby myself and I didn't care to see or hear about other people's kids except my niece or nephews. Just don't have expectations and let the friendship change. You have other priorities now.

Honestly my best friend of 17 years and I drifted apart. We tried to connect again and yet again but it was just never the same. Some friendships just naturally run their course. I would still Recommend at least saying your piece and seeing what happens from there.

@Bushra well said! I have a friend who got married during covid who I was close with and never told me. Everyone knows no one can go but that doesn't mean you don't tell anyone. Matter of fact she didn't even tell me about this guy until something came up and now we don't talk at all. I stopped putting in the effort after that and she never did so like you said some relationships just run their course.

Try to keep in mind that you are maybe going through different stages of life and try and sit down just you two and explain the way you feel! I know I wouldn’t be able to make it a week without my best friend.. she’s offered to help but that’s it.. I love her to the moon and back but they aren’t her kids to worry about..

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