We just recently started letting my MIL have a relationship with our kids and coming around to family events after a major fall out we had regarding boundaries. But it feels like it’s going back to her overstepping. She’s been insistent on our kids calling her boyfriend grandpa which I kinda let go because I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. (We don’t get along with him due to racist things he has said in the past, and multiple times physically trying to fight my husband) Another major thing. We let our 5 year old sleepover a couple of times. Like 2 or 3 times. Each time she was with her cousin that’s around the same age. My MIL decided to get them both in the bath. My daughter had already had a bath but because our niece needed one she undressed our kid and let her just sit there while she bathed our niece. She then took pics of them in the bath tub. I get it being innocent but with how messed up the world is I don’t agree with it. Plus she was just sitting in the tub in dirty water. She never even asked us if it was okay. There’s so many more things but those are the major ones. If I say anything it’s WWIII. If my husband says anything it’s because I told him to and everyone gets on our backs. Our kids are old enough now to remember them and I’d feel horrible to cut off contact again. I don’t know what to do.
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Remind her of her boundaries & let her know you don't want it to interfere with their relationship but it will if you continue to be ignored. Forget everyone else, this is about you & your IMMEDIATE family & you have a say so, you are the say so! It needs to be respected.

It doesn’t matter what our boundaries are, but if they are yours then yes you will have to enforce. Restate the boundaries both the line and what you will do: if you X then kids can’t stay over without us, if you do Y then we will end our relationship, etc. Yes it’s a fight, yes it gets worse before it gets better, yes other family will take their side in the name of “taking their grand babies away”. No you’re not wrong for having boundaries and teaching your children not to let people walk all over them just because they pitch a fit when don’t get their way.

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