Feeling deflated/alone

This is a long one girls, apologies in advance lol.

Ive been with my husband for 13 years, married for 3 of them. We are currently living unaccompanied as once I fell pregnant I wanted to have a support network around me and where he was posted, I was totally isolated and alone so so I moved back home. Since we’ve moved home and had our son (now 10 months), the relationship has been a rollercoaster. He was great when the baby was first born and couldn’t be more helpful but now he’s become lazy and when he comes home he just leaves me to it and doesn’t want to do anything. He doesn’t change a nappy, prepare a feed, bath or get up with baby either during the night or when he wakes in the morning. The excuse is he’s tired, or better yet doesn’t know how to do certain things ie sterilise bottles or use prep machine etc. strange considering he used them totally fine before! All in all he’s basically adding to my already heavy load and offering me no support what so ever. I get on fine without him as I’ve no other option; but when he’s home I don’t feel like I should have to ask for help. Weve had bickers about these same things over and over and nothing seems to change. I tell him how I feel and it’s like a school girl argument or point system. If I say I feel a certain way, he feels worse kinda thing or I say he doesn’t do something he’ll come back with “neither do you”. My maternity leave is fast coming to an end but due to child care/finances it is looking really unlikely I’ll be able to go back next month so my husband is the main breadwinner at the moment and I have no source of finances of my own. This has been a major issue for him. He has made comments to me about how he is the only one working and he shouldn’t need to do XYZ as he has a long drive back to work to earn money for us and things of the sorts. He has also suggested I get a nightshift job and leave my son with my mum after she finishes work so I think he resents the fact I’m not bringing anything to the table at the moment financially but fails to recognise everything else I’m doing. I don’t see how I can possibly go back to work and look after our son on my own through the day after apparently working a night shift?!

Within the last month or two, he’s been really distant. Our texts/calls consist of talking about our son and me trying to keep him up to date on the daily things like sensory class etc and picture updates. When he calls/texts me, it is only to ask about the baby and very rarely me. He came home at the weekend and walked in the door and without acknowledging me, asked to hold our son. This is something that’s really getting to me as I feel totally invisible. I’m like the middle man in the relationship between him and the baby and that’s it. I’ve asked him what’s going on and been met with “you wouldnt understand” so now he has me doubting myself and pretty much everything else. I’ve asked if he’s met someone else as there’s no affection towards me anymore and he’s become quite cold. He’s said no, he’s just stressed and I’m overthinking things.

I’m at my wits end now tbh. I don’t know whether I’m coming or going in the relationship. I have no support physically or emotionally for myself personally or for our son. I just don’t know what to do anymore as talking to him gets me nowhere and I’m left feeling no better off after it. Any suggestions/advice? X

in our community

Really bothered by this

A friend posted this and it really bothers me because that is exactly how she parents her kid, and it's rather unfortunate because when our kids hang out together, her kid has a meltdown at least 5x within an hour. We have know them for years and it's only gotten worse. My kids will concede to hers, because they don't want to see their friend crying, but it sucks because they give up so much of their toys and enjoyment to keep the peace. We aren't hanging out as much anymore but it's rather sad to think she doesn't intervene more in her child tantrums and just let's it slide

Is this normal

Let’s say you’re at a softplay with your 2 year old, and some friends & their toddlers.
You buy your 2 year old a kids meal - chicken nuggets, beans, and chips. They’re very happy with it and have almost eaten it all.
They’re sat at the table, fork in hand, consistently eating, and have one chicken nugget left.
Your adult friend comes over from behind you, picks up the last chicken nugget, and eats it.
There was no indication that your child wasn’t going to eat it, and they didn’t ask. They just took it with no warning and ate it right in front of you and your toddler.
How you reacting?

Are these men ok?

I get so sad seeing all the posts on here daily about women dealing with partners who are treating them horribly. I know it seems over represented because those of us with great partners don’t need to write posts asking for help, but I really hope most of us don’t have these kinds of men in our lives!

I tell my husband about these posts I see sometimes and he’s even shocked by some of the things these guys say/do.

Nobody’s perfect, and every relationship takes work. And becoming parents is a stress test unlike any other for sure, but seeing how many women get stuck in these relationships with men who aren’t interested in being better is so so sad😞

But is/was your partner helpful, loving, and supportive during your pregnancy/PP/etc? Was he a wonderful person but changed for the worst after becoming a parent? Has he put effort into becoming the partner you need him to be, even if he struggles?

Pouches

I’m not one of those mums who stand in the kitchen making every meal from scratch and batches of healthy snacks as I simply do not have time with other children and soon back to a full time job, but I do try give my weaning baby part of what we eat at meal times and will throw something healthy together if what we eat isn’t suitable. However, I do have some pouches in for convenience or a last resort. I’ve only used these a few times in the space of two months but she absolutely LOVES them. She will scream for more, get excited when she sees the pouch and will literally eat the whole thing. She’s underweight so this is massive for me seeing her eat so well, but the guilt is getting to me a bit! Anybody else like a little pouch every now and then and can make me feel a little better about giving her them😅

Friends with shitty husbands

Does anyone have a close friend with a shittv husband?

My best friend of 14years married her high school sweetheart (minus the sweetheart.) He was always a POS growing up, had an on and off relationship and eventually from what I was told, they sorted their shit out and got married. I moved countries and her and I drifted apart for a while so I didn't know too much about what their relationship was like but assumed all was well since her social media alluded to that.

We both had babies within a year of each other, she had hers first and when she gave birth I found out I was pregnant. I had a rough pregnancy and we weren't in contact much but after my LO was born we spoke a lot. This is when I found out that she was struggling with PPD etc. She opened up about how useless her husband is, I would go as far as to say abusive. She's a SAHM who basically does absolutely evervthing & is being financially abused She's completelv touched out and is about to have a second child in a week.

I absolutelv cannot stand her husband. I hate how he treats her. I hate to hear about him. She posted on social media all the time about how lucky she is to have him as a husband and father to her babies yet cries to me on the phone in private about what really goes on.
I'm at a point now where I want to tell her that I don't want to hear about it anymore. I feel guilty that she's going through this but she's also allowing it to continue in a sense. I'm so emotionally exhausted with her problems and just want to shake her.

How do you/would you navigate this situation?

Car issues

Idk if I’m in the wrong. I have a full time job. My husband takes care of the kids while I worked. Today was the day I was supposed to get us a car. But I couldn’t cause of the down payment. So now he’s texting me saying I’m wasting his day to be alone at Walmart so he can spend his tax return. I really want to say go ahead. Leave. Leave the kids and me alone. While you go out and spend money. While your at go ahead and buy urself your drugs and a bitch to go fuck.

Lucky I’m even thinking about him about the car situation if not I would’ve been buying me and the kids a car small enough for us!