Children from previous marriage

I really think you need to tell him everything you’ve just told us here. He might not know this is how you are feeling & maybe struggling too with becoming a dad again and splitting his time. I know I would as a mum x

Do you know the sex of the baby? Exactly same with you. My partner has 2teenage boys and now we have an almost 2yo girl together (he is crazy about her).
When I was pregnant I was feeling the same. We told the boys when I was 6m pregnant too. Thats because we wanted to make sure pregnancy was going ok. Also to avoid drama with their mum.

It would help if you speak with him and maybe just mention that you wonder if he will love and be the same for the new baby, as now is like doing everything from the beginning.

I have to say, is not easy to cancel that thought of "he has done this before" and that he wont have the same excitement as you have. But trust me, he will! As now he is more mature and has the opportunity to be in this babys life and never miss a milestone

I remember when i was pregnant I was wishing for a girl and not a boy. It is very normal to feel like you feel and dont feel selfish. Once you have your baby things will change even more. Aka, you will understand that he just wants to make sure the boys dont feel left out. Jealousy etc. They are his children same as the one you have in your belly. He is probably trying to spend as much time with them now because once baby is born, he will prioritise the baby.

The dynamics will change so much once baby is born. They will adore the baby and more the baby is growing and interacting more, you will see how much better things will be. To see them playing together etc. Id ask my partner to go iut with just the boys and you can grt the time alone with your baby.

You can msg me if you want xxx

Not been in that situation but I think if I was I'd just try and be straight with him and make sure this is exactly what he wants. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this but I feel maybe you should have a chat with him sooner rather than later because if he acts like this when your baby is born they will pick up on it as well x

I think definite talk it out. He may be feeling anxious about it all and not realise the impact he creating. That being said, it doesn’t make it ok and you shouldn’t have to be feeling like this so he needs to know so he can fix it.

I had to remind my partner that it was my first pregnancy and I needed to experience all of the first time excitement even if he didn’t. He did make more of an effort from that conversation. I do think it still impacted my experience though but this seems a common theme amongst step mums x

Dont create indifferences in the children just roll with the flow and voice all of your feelings/concerns. Maybe try to do something for the babies arrival with all of you guys included. If he already had children before you and this is your first he should definitely be guiding you and showing you things you might not know because he has experience.

Omg I swear I could have written this myself! I’m 32 weeks pregnant and my bf just told his teenage sons today I am pregnant. Up until now it was like I had the scarlet letter or something smh! I’m so sorry you have to go through this too. It’s the absolute worst!

I’m in a very similar position—he has two teenage girls and we waited until 6month or so to tell them. I’ve done all the preparation for the baby. He says he will change when the baby comes, and right now he’s focused on making sure the girls are adjusting. But in the meantime I feel like all of the work (including growing the baby) is on me.

That’s tough because he’s trying to protect the teenagers but is really making it harder for them in the long run, by creating an atmosphere of denial. Everyone is going to have to adjust to a new family dynamic one way or the other… I’d talk to him about being realistic, but also hear what he might be feeling and mourning in this moment. I’d also start being a fountain of “excited for the baby” energy, talking to the kids about being excited to see them hold her, wonder out loud if one of them might teach her how to ride a bike (or whatever they’re into), ask if they’ll want to pose the elf on the shelf sometimes if you want to do that, maybe ask for input for the nursery, talk about places they might want to show her; just whatever seems natural. The idea is just help everyone start to imagine a POSITIVE reality with a new sibling. I also noticed our older kids wanted to talk a lot and hear stories about when they were babies and those conversations felt really important

thank you for this sound advice. I will try to do some of these things. I’m having a boy & he doesn’t want to tell them as he thinks their mum will tell them they have been replaced. I have never met her but she’s not happy he’s moved on. I feel like he’s too worried to not upset the Apple cart rather than focus on the task in hand. I have bent over backwards for things to work - I quite my successful job of 10 years & moved county’s with him to be closer to his children. It’s hard when you feel like you’re making all the sacrifices and deserve a real shot at happiness too but there seems to be constant hurdles. I just want to ensure my baby has a great start at life with a present father too!

They do say men don’t become ‘parents’ til the baby is born.. so there is a huge chance his attitude will change when baby is here..

As mothers, we become parents the second we see that positive test x

SAME!!!!

My bf is the same exact way. ALWAYS afraid of upsetting the ex. Like why? She didn’t give a shit when she divorced him and moved three hours away with the sons. I don’t get it!

that’s a good point and I hope you’re right!

I definitely hear that, my comment was really just tips to help manage the dynamics a little bit since baby is imminent, but the other side of it is that he seems defensive to the point of selfishness. It sounds like he’s not acknowledging your sacrifices or experience at all, which I’d bring up with him at some point if you haven’t yet (and if you have, maybe it’s time to try therapy?)
But most of all CONGRATULATIONS on your little boy. No matter how complicated the situation, this is such a moment for joy 🩵