Marriage advice

I need some words of wisdom to help me see past all I can see right now. I’ve been married for 5 years. There’s been a lot of changes, jobs, moves, Covid, Postpartum, etc. So it hasn’t been the most stable 5 years. Our communication is horrible, there’s a lot of resentment, no physical intimacy, he no longer sleeps on the same bed and has been sleeping in a separate room for months now. There’s close to zero communication on a daily basis. He has an avoidant personality so he NEVER wants to talk where as I was given silent treatments growing up and talking/communication is how I feel secure in a relationship. There’s constant arguments and we don’t seem to agree on anything anymore. Recently it has gotten so bad that we have discussed divorce. We wouldn’t live in the same state if we divorce and I don’t want my daughter growing up not seeing mom and dad every day but I also don’t want her seeing us argue or even just be indiferente towards each other. I am beyond exhausted of this situation and mentally can’t take it anymore but the changes a divorce would cause is also something I don’t want to think about. We discussed therapy in the past but as I mentioned he avoids everything so he will never make that step unless forced and I am tired of feeling like I always have to fight for this and being the only one to make the effort to even discuss our issues. I’m beyond sad, stressed and anxious and don’t know what to do anymore. I guess I just need some words of advice, encouragement, I don’t even know, anything that will help not feel this way and maybe shed some light as to what to do

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Pray and fasting. Is your husband saved? Biblically there’s no grounds for divorce here. And based on your post, this is def a marriage that can be restored. Have you prayed about this yourself? What is God telling you? This sounds like spiritual warfare as well as life getting in the way. I would ask God to soften your husband.’s heart to your voice and to reignite the fire in your marriage, to repair the communication and lead you both back to each other.

I suggest therapy. Even if you need to be the one to set it up. Divorce sucks, I have been through one, but it sucks more with kids involved. I would want to know I had really tried everything if possible before calling it quits, but that’s me.

What is he resentful about? Does he interact with and help raise your child? Do you have financial freedom? Where do each of you stand with God?

This is very hard and I've had to deal with similar things, but thankfully less developed to this point. He grew up watching his single mom date and marry men who were abusive and leave. So anytime we had a problem he'd dramatically talk about leaving me. He would also talk about suicide and I felt manipulated by it, though I knew he was serious. To stop this cycle, I forced him to talk to someone about his cycles of depression and it helped. But then he still struggles, and I've had shoulder a lot of emotional work, including during our arguments and disagreements. That felt very resentful at the time, but I knew I was fighting for his life, not just our marriage. My forcing him to talk to therapists by setting up the appointments for him, has helped him a lot. Then fasting and praying for him, specifically against the demons of depression, hopelessness and suicide Also have helped a lot! (I started fasting and praying for blessings for my family and the amount of spiritual things happening were jaw droppin

And among them were his demons not wanting to leave his sleeping place alone. And started showering his bathroom with scripture verse cards. It's been a long long 6yrs of marriage (in April) but since January I feel like I have a new husband! What changed everything was myself. I stopped focusing on him and even seriously considered divorce. Not because I didn't love him, but because I felt like I was being tortured by being with him. Our relationship healed when I started caring for myself separately and had no expectations anymore. (That said since your situation is already here, please get a professional therapist and sit down to sort this out. Doing anything else may be a disaster. And I would definitely fast and pray for wisdom and strength.)

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