Help me understand

My husband had a 6 yr old son and we have a 5 month old together. We get the Kidd (6 yr old nickname) every weekend and longer if he’s out of school, he goes home on Sundays. Every time I want to do something with him and my daughter. Pictures, plan a trip, zoo, botanical gardens,etc throughout the week to just relax and get a break from work…. He asks what about the Kidd. And I ask what about him. If we don’t have him I’m not holding off what I want to do just so he can experience too. There’s always next time for him or does he really need to participate. I think it also bothers me that his son is a bit of a bragger. When he comes over he tells us about all the fun things he did and experience with his mom and her boyfriend. They go many places so it’s not like he isn’t experiencing things. And it’s not like I don’t suggest things when he is here so why does my husband want to include him when I just want to enjoy it with us 3. Am I a bad person?
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I don’t blame you for wanting to do things and have time with your daughter and not want to have to change plans but as far as the “bragging” goes, he’s 6. It honestly sounds like he just wants to share his experiences with yall and fill you in.

I've been around my stepson for over 5 years now and his mother has three other kids. She doesn't put their life on pause to include him... she is supposed to see him every weekend and ends up actually being able to around once a month. Every situation is different, but if he's doing things with his mother then I don't know why his father feels like he is missing out. In my family if we schedule a women's brunch or dinner and someone can't go we still have it. If everyone had to go every time we did things then nothing would ever be done... I have 4 brothers and two sisters so maybe it's a bit different with so many people and schedules. Also as far as the "bragging" goes, don't feel like it's a competition. A lot of children in split family homes play both sides of the family in an attempt to get more stuff. Yesterday my stepson was bragging about money he got for Easter from his grandmother, uncle, and mother. Like, cool story dude, I never got money for Easter and don't give money for Easter. 🤣

My step son has also bragged about expensive shoes that his mom bought him, and he got a pretty big interest in sneakers (Nike) recently. I always felt insecure like the ones I got him weren't good enough. One night he broke down and it turns out he was upset about me getting him more shoes in his life than his mother when she is his real mom. So he was very vocal and "braggy" and valued them due to actually being insecure, feeling like she doesn't care as much as someone who entered the family only a couple of years ago. You know your stepson and you know if he is bragging. If you regularly do outings with him then maybe he's just trying to say that his mom does stuff with him, too. Also he internally knows you value cool outings and wants to impress you. It's ultimately most likely not coming from a bad place.

Do you think he’s using that as a excuse to not do stuff throughout the week? You can do things throughout the week and other activities on weekends with his son. I didn’t take you saying bragging as in a negative way because all kids are braggers when they are excited about something they did. But I do agree it’s not fair that his son gets to do fun things throughout the week and your child has to sit at home just because he feels like he’s excluding his first child. Plus those are 2 COMPLETELY different ages, so they will always be at different stages and want to do something different.

@Karla I say bragging but your right maybe he just wants to fill me in. But it’s EVERY time. Even if I would like to go to the park, he wants to grab him from school to tag along. Can I not just go to the park without having to think about the safety of another kid?

@Beverly this means a lot. Im glad there’s someone else that “gets it” if I try to discuss this with others they look at me like I’m a mad man. It wasn’t this difficult before baby girl.

@Sierra that’s a good point. I could ask him if that’s the case since u have expressed it with him before. Thank you for not taking what I said negatively. It’s very hard to talk about anything with being the step parent and not get the side eye. I’m also a first time mom, dealing with ppd so I’m just tryna make sense of this new life.

I feel you. I told my husband that I’m not going to have our child miss out on doing something because my SD is with her mom , he agrees with me.

I agree with you, Kidd can enjoy the festivities next time. Life is too short and I would be damn if I held my children back from experiences just because their other sibling isn’t with us…. Dad would just miss out because either way it goes, I am going…

I can understand where you're coming from that can be extremely annoying but look at it the other way around. If yall weren't together anymore and he got with someone else and was taking his son some place fun, wouldn't you appreciate him thinking about bringing your daughter along? That's his child. it's only human and fair that he consider his son in everything he is doing with his daughter. Sounds like he doesn't want his son to feel left out They are related and it keeps them close. SB: if you want to do things with your daughter and husband alone you should dedicate one day out the week to those things and be honest with him about it.

You're not a bad person!

@Sharea How can he feel left out if he’s not there? I think that’s the point really

Why can’t he spend time with u and ur baby? Why does it Always have to be with the step kid? That’s unfair to u and ur baby

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