Disappointed by best friend

I'm feeling so frustrated by one of my best friends recently. She had major anxiety during her pregnancy which turned into depression when she had a baby. I was there for her throughout and even stood in for her very unsupportive husband for her scans and christening (he didn't go!). It's been 3yrs of this now and I'm 32wks pregnant. I feel she's barely there for me despite that I live alone and need support. She's let me down for 2 scans, giving last minute excuses. She really let me down for my baby shower, she was supposed to help me prep but said her husband had decided to go out with his mates so I spent 4hrs doing it alone. Then on the baby shower day with 10 mins to arrival time she messaged to say her child had been sick, she hadn't gotten dressed or done her makeup yet and did I still want her to come. She turned up dead casual like she couldn't be bothered, didn't get a card and her presents were clearly dug out of her cupboard! There was nothing for the baby. One I'm certain she was given for her baby shower 3yrs ago and had a best before end of March 2023! Another was an eye mask that was discoloured on one side so clearly been used. I feel really disappointed and like unless her and her kid are getting the attention she's not interested! I'm sick of it now. In our group chat she lacks any enthusiasm for my baby updates and will reply with just a brief sentence followed up with 15 photos of her child 🙄 It feels like she's saying she can't be bothered, everyone give her child some attention instead.
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I have had the exact same with one of my friends so much I’ve stopped messaging to ask if she’s ok because she never messages me. We have been friends for nearly three years whilst she was single and I could drink we would go out all the time and spend most of the time together the minute she got a boyfriend she couldn’t give a shit anymore. When she found out I was pregnant she was so excited wanting to be an auntie etc… but when I was admitted to hospital with different things never once asked if I was ok or needed anything. X

I’ve had similar in that my best friends has been fairly withdrawn but when I last spoke to her she had received really terrible news about her grandad who raised her and I feel like she just has loads going on so I’ve made sure im more available to her. Obviously I’m not you or her so can’t really comment but is there maybe something else going on with her ? I try and remember people have their own lives and sometimes we can easily forget that xx Not saying at all that your not valid in feeling how you do and there so every chance she is simply just selfish but thought I’d offer a slightly different side incase it helped xx I was a little disappointed that I put so much effort into so many people over the last few years organising baby showers, memory books for their babies etc etc and not one of them has reached out to check in on me but I’ve just decided that I’m not going to let it impact my pregnancy and I’ll just remember those who have been there for me in future xx

Sometimes people just show there true colours, sorry to hear this. But as soon as i gave birth to my first nobody was there for me. Sometimes you have to do everything on your own, support or not. You’ve got this x

@Chloe I had another 'friend' just like that and I no longer contact them at all. I lost a baby last year, saw her for brunch and she never once asked how I was. I realised how shallow and self absorbed she was. Similarly she had a new boyfriend too. You see their true colours don't you...

I have something similar with a friend of mine who has depression. I think low mood and anxiety can sometimes make someone very selfish, because they become very focused internally. I don't really blame her as it's a feature of her disorder but it also doesn't make it hurt less when you feel constantly let down by them. What happens when you try to talk to her about how you feel? Does she engage? Is she sorry? Some people are just super oblivious about how they are affecting others. And some people are just dickheads. Either way I would call out her behaviour to her.

@Sally Thank you. I think I've just now come to a point where I'm finally losing my sympathy as it's been 3yrs of making sure she's happy. Our other friend is wondering if she's just got used to us pandering her and now expects it. I think she might be struggling with the thought of my baby now being the centre of attention when he arrives and not her son. Because when her son is there she will be really loud with him, pushing him onto people and trying to get people to give him attention even when it's clear they're trying to have a conversation. I find it really annoying. She constantly sends photos of him in our group chat, which just clogs up my phone. Its like she just constantly needs attention / affirmation / validation. I'll post something about my baby and she'll follow it up with 15 photos of her son 🙄

She gets very easily offended and is very sensitive to criticism these days so I would like to say something to her but also need to be very careful what I say

That does sound exhausting.

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