I’m struggling & unhappy in my marriage.

I’m at this point in my relationship, where I just… I don’t feel happy. I don’t feel fulfilled. I don’t feel loved or like I want to love my husband. I hardly look at him. We hardly laugh, joke, smile, etc. I don’t want to look at him. I don’t want anything to do with him. We’ve been together for going on 4 years in October. And married since Jan. 2021. We have 2 smart, beautiful children together. At least I know if our relationship fails, I’ll have the kids who are my pride and joy. I don’t feel connected with my husband anymore. I don’t want to feel connected with him. Maybe it’s hormones. I just had our 2nd baby 6.5 months ago. Maybe it’s the meds I’m on for my mental health. But I just… I don’t know. I can’t. I don’t want sex with him. I don’t want him to kiss me. I don’t want him touching me. I just… I don’t want to be with him anymore. I’m so done. I’m so tired. The thing that sucks, and makes it so hard, is I was the one who said “I don’t want us to divorce”. And now, it seems the only way I’ll be happy. We’re going to (eventually) try some couples counselling. When we don’t have our toddler for a weekend. I told the Wife of our Pastor that I wanted a divorce, because of the above. And she said she wanted to meet with me. And then with him. And then together. I don’t know what she has in mind, but I do trust her. I’m hoping maybe she can help us mend this broken feeling that I have right now. I really, honestly and truly don’t know what I wanted out of posting. But here I am…