Postpartum Resentment

I’m having trouble shaking the resentment I feel towards my husband. He is carrying on like he did before baby and helps “when he can,” which usually means evenings and weekends, unless he can find something else to do with that time that serves him better, like working more or his own self care. In my brain, I’m happy that he is taking care of us and himself, but in my heart it makes me feel like there is no one left to take care of me. We don’t have any family nearby and no friends we trust to help. I’ve tried talking to him about it and he says he’s going to try to make time for me to get some self care of my own in, but I doubt that will only stick when he doesn’t have something better going on. And it’s not like he never helps. Everything he does is for us, even if it’s not what I need right now. Any tips on retraining my brain to give him a little grace and to focus on the wonderful things he does rather than where I feel he is falling short?

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I think this is so common and you are not alone! It is really different for us and what i found helpful was sitting down with my husband and actually coming up with a plan on how he can support me during maternity leave. I was really struggling and it made me feel resentful but i didn’t know what i wanted or needed (i just want sleep 2bh) 😂 so coming up with tangible solutions helped him. I breastfeed which means i end up being the default parent with nights and haven’t been able to do anything for myself yet or leave my baby at all even for an hour so i can completely appreciate how easy it is to become resentful when our partners can just go to the toilet and not have to think twice about it lol. What he can help with is stuff to make life a bit easier when you’re so occupied with your baby like washing pump parts, making dinner, tidying up when he can. Hope this helps! x

Ask him to rewire his brain …to realise the baby responsibility isn’t second after his other roles. Just like with women we don’t think ‘oh I can’t look after the baby I need to eat’. I don’t think you need to change I think he does.

Hey! It sounds like you are experiencing some hurt and feeling unseen. It could be good for both of you to talk through the ways your lives have changed since baby and the way you both see expectations of how things look at home and in your relationship. Feel free to message me more if you want to talk through it.

@Amman I think what you said about knowing what you need and being able to vocalize that is HUGE and something a lot of new moms are missing (not to a fault of their own, systems and society aren’t set up for our success here.)

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