need advice!

so i’m not “technically” single, but me and my bd don’t live together, i do all care for my baby by myself. He just turned one month on wednesday and my bd has only come to see him one time since being home from the hospital and that was almost 4 weeks ago, since having the baby we haven’t had much of a relationship AT ALL and i honestly don’t feel connected to him anymore, i tried to leave and he guilt tripped me into staying bc he’s not in the best living situation rn and he’s broke (all due to his own actions and decisions; for ex. spending all his money on weed and alcohol while i was pregnant) he never got anything for the baby while i was pregnant or since he’s been born and he’s always came to me for money, even now, he sends me money every now and then but bc im always having to send him money, i pretty much just send all the money back to him. there is so much more honestly but it’s way to much to keep going on about. I don’t trust him to even take care of a baby for many reasons so co-parenting isn’t an option, plus he’s homeless now (bc of him spending all his money during my pregnancy) and staying in a friends basement and doesn’t have a car…honestly, what should i do? he has nobody outside of me to talk to, the “friend” he’s staying with is really just someone he knows, they have no friendship or anything, i want to leave but would that make me a bad person?

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I’m in the same situation I’m following this

You're not leaving anything. He's not there. I'm not even sure what you're asking. Stop talking to him unless he gets a job and wants to help with CHILD SUPPORT otherwise he's not allowed to see the child AND he's a TERRIBLE influence. Drop him immediately. He's completely useless and doesn't deserve any of your mental energy. You have a VERY important human to take of that deserves your love.

If you think you will be in DANGER for ending the "relationship" have someone that actually cares about you stay with you and call the police if you need to and/or get a restraining order if it comes to that point.

Don't put up with this. It sounds like he needs help way beyond your capabilities. Dump him. He will not have access to your baby unless he pursues legal action, sounds to me like he can't even afford that. Stop sending him money and stop responding to him. I would end it through text and stay with someone for a few days.

Babygirl, leave! That doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad mom. It is better to have left and you do things on your own as you already are and have a man who’s half around and causing issues for you and your little you doing a fantastic job and you are a single parent. All I can say is trust your instincts and do what you feel is best for you and little. It’s never easy leaving someone, but if they are holding you back, causing pain, and other issues for you that does nothing good for you nor your little. That being said, you were doing a great job Momma!! don’t look down at yourself because of the situation.

Have you addressed and talked about the problems and your concerns ? Like no arguing but actual talking

@Neta yes but i was always in the wrong bc “we cope with issues differently” and “im a privileged white girl who doesn’t know life struggles” (he’s black) and “if i leave him when he needs me most, he would look at me completely different and would hate me” he brought up the other day that i dont ask him to come over (the last and only time he came over, i asked him to come over) and i explained that i shouldn’t have to ask him every time, if he wanted to come over, he would put in the effort, i shouldn’t have to ask my baby’s father to come see his son, or even me considering we’re still together thus far, and he still tried to blame the fact that he hadn’t been around on me not asking him to come over…that conversation was just a few days ago and he was supposed to come over today but somehow “forgot” he had to work today until last night so now he’s supposed to come either tmr or monday

Don’t mean to be rude or anything but does sound like a headache a little. I do understand where u coming from trying not to be a bad person yet u can’t put everything on you when it comes to how someone sees your intentions. You can’t read his mind so how are u supposed to know how he feels unless he tells u yet this generation of men are different. I personally feel like they want to be catered to more and know they are needed yet also complain about being stressed out having to be needed in different areas. I do feel communication is important when trying to be patient with someone who is opposite from you. Yet the patience does have to be from both ways. I am going thru similar problems with my bd just with us having different upbringing and I’m constantly trying to find a common ground to agree on raising our kids yet it hasn’t been easy to get each other.

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