Love baby but regret having her

Adore my baby so much but I have so many regrets. Does anyone else feel this way? I felt pressured by my husband and fear of “getting old” so stupidly went along with it. Have had a few health complications and I’m basically doing 99% of the care but husband does work hard too. Can’t afford daycare and have no family support. At this point my health is so bad I don’t know if I’ll even be able to return to work FT. Despite all my love, I just don’t know if I’m good enough for her because of how much I resent my husband and regret my choices. Have I ruined her life?
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Sending hugs. Probably it will get better. My partner has said he regrets getting together with me which seems to include the baby so you're not alone. It's a horrible thought to have to sit with, I'm sorry you feel this way. Also really sorry your health has suffered so much! It makes your feelings totally rational even if they are taboo. As long as she doesn't find out you had this thought I think you're OK and more people have this thought than you might think. It's also really common to feel we aren't good enough and have Imposter syndrome

I think some counselling would be really helpful here, even to help you work through what you're feeling and realise it's totally rational and so many people feel that way. But counselling might help take away your guilt and look at what you can do to improve your outlook and make a plan for he future that means she doesn't pick up on anything. Could you consider part time work and part time nursery/childminder then you get a break? Have you made any new connections with other mums? I would've felt very alone if it wasnt for the women I've met

@Sarah hi. I just started with a counsellor and she’s been ok so I’m committing to speaking with her to get through this. The hardest part is physically not feeling great, forcing myself to push through that every day so I’m there for my girl, but then not really getting a chance to recover. It all compounds and make the mental side worse. Wish I had a moment to make friends! Right now I’m trying to take it day by day :(

@Alex TY for this, I’m sorry you’re going through something similar with your partner. Could I ask - how are you managing it? How does he cope? I think I’m present for my daughter (my husband says I am) but struggle being as patient and gentle w my husband. Sending you hugs

Are you getting any help with the physical issues? Are they associated with the birth? Could you go to a baby class, even one a week that would get you out meeting people? Stick at the counselling, I had some and it was great just things in a different light. And speak to husband- I think all mums do much more care obviously if dads working all day but he needs to be supporting you more. I just tell my husband what I need and when and my attitude is once he has clocked off from work everything is 50/50 so you should only ever he doing it alone the hours he is physically not there. How old is baby and how are they doing, do they sleep ok? Any issues with colic or reflux or anything?

I’m really sorry your feeling this way ❤️ I can relate to you in some ways myself. The first year after you’ve had a baby is a big adjustment, took me a long time to adjust. I went from working FT to being at home all the time which I massively struggled with, had planned to go back to work PT and then circumstances changed I couldn’t go back to work and childcare was too expensive and we had no family that could help out, my mum lives too far away and his mum works FT and has other school age kids. I’d health issues after I had my daughter too due to the birth and was back and forth to the hospital and doctors for the 1st year it was a lot on top of trying to adjust to being a new mummy. I had ppd and tbh didn’t fully start enjoying motherhood until my daughter was around 2/2 and a half. As others have said stick with the counselling. It massively helped me ❤️❤️

@Sarah Drs are ok when they believe me! It’s manageable but takes a good mental toll and I have to restrict my activity levels for now to recover (gym was my outlet pre pregnancy). I’ve met some mums that I connect really well with, the issue is the health stuff that limits me a bit. We try to catch up weekly but some weeks I can’t do too much, that’s when I struggle ie three weeks straight of not seeing my friends. I think partner and I divide stuff ok-ish, I know it’s not his fault that Bub is very needy for boob overnight. It’s just when he has moods and complains about being tired when I’ve done everything overnight so he can sleep a solid 6hr chunk. Bub is just under a year and I’ve basically been waking every hour/2hrs for the last 6 months or so to feed her back to sleep. Its torture. We’ve trialled reflux meds but no difference showed. We’ve got an app w a sleep specialist and paediatrician so holding on for those to help.

@Zoe TY for sharing your story, I’m sorry you had such a hard experience too. Society really needs to step up and support parents/women in general. Hope your health stuff is all sorted now. I’ll stick w the counselling, I just wish I could get some bloody sleep! The monotony and isolation are next level.

Ah I know doctors really arent the best a lot of the time and we do get fobbed off a lot as well. I'm in the uk and I've had to go private so many times its ridiculous. I'm not trying to be nosey but it's your health problems something you could talk about here and maybe we could give you suggestions? Is there any type of exercise, like maybe swimming that would give you a release?

@Sarah embarrassed because I sometimes feel like I’m going crazy when I tell drs… I’ve had totally perfect health, used to be really active and have mostly eaten well but since COVID my heart won’t stop hurting and it randomly just races. The most exercise I can really do is walk VERY slowly. Some days better than others so I hold onto them. I just feel like an old lady 😳

Aww thats awful. Have they done blood or referred you for any tests? Could you afford to go private, even for a diagnosis? Mine wasnt about covid but I got diagnosed with an autoimmune disease and it gets downplayed so much it's very frustrating

@Sarah yep have done a bunch of bloods and I have to do my own research now to try and see what I might ask to test for. I have a pre existing autoimmune condition that was so well managed pre infection and now post infection it’s gone downhill. Sorry your drs downplay your condition, it’s ridiculous on top of being a parent and employee etc etc.

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