Comfort from your “abuser”

Abuse is abuse. It doesnt matter the level of anyones circumstances ❤️

No, I can’t relate. But you need to see a pshycologist urgently and kick this man out from your life.

All we want is someone to hold us and make us feel loved. When we have nobody else to turn to to fulfill this need, sometimes we will take what we can get. There's nothing wrong with that but it will only hurt you more in the long run. He cheated on you and got another woman pregnant and that is hard to deal with alone but add your own pregnancy hormones and it's gonna be a lot harder but take the time you do have to try to find other people who can help you feel less alone. That doesn't have to be a new partner, that can be a good friend or a family member, if that's an option. Build a support network for yourself so you have other people you can turn to that aren't toxic to your mental health. I know that is easier said than done but it's a step in the right direction

I think communicating how you truly feel is important. Yet I understand your in a time of needing support and probably don’t feel like u can be to picky with who you have to help. I’m seeing it as help is help tho and if something was a mistake or a toxic trait I feel voicing the things you truly want out of the relationship or situation y’all have is a good move to have a clear conscience when it comes to building and focusing on yourself. This is a personal note n maybe cuz ik a cancer I see it like this but sometimes space to break down and pick yourself up is good. Time n space to redefine things or get a new outlook on what u planned is a good way for me yo get through tough times I feel like might overrule or damage me if I let it.

This a big sea as well so a match is out there wether it’s a lesson or a blessing. falling back in love with your self n space isn’t always easy but it is beautiful when you gain your comfortable confidence back. Then the dogs come barking so really don’t worry to much but definitely put yourself first in this time. If he truly cares he will make a effort or things might fall back into place to be together after tough times 🤷🏾‍♀️

Trauma bonds are very real and strong. Defo find a therapist to help you build strength within yourself to break the cycle. I’ve had several trauma bonds in my life - not partners - but one family member and one friend. It’s extremely difficult to explain to people how it makes you feel but my advice is to distance when possible, knowing that it’s not always possible or easy to do. You’ll feel empty and lonely but better in the long term - steadily build a new network with new people. It’s a long process but a sanity restoring one x

I wish I could kick him out my life but he’s not the father of my child 🥲

honestly being a new mum is hard as it is, let alone finding out this information. The thing is, I do have support from family and friends and they remind me of this all the time. But the reality they have their own lives and he’s the one here every night helping out with baby, paying the bills, helping me to clean so I can rest - partially it’s probably out of guilt / doesn’t want to lose us but he was kind of doing this stuff before anyway.

girl you’re absolutely right the day just hasn’t come yet because bubba is still so newborn but who knows how I might feel when I start getting myself back out there 🫶🏽

I regret not doing this beforehand because now I’ve got myself in a position where I’m tied to him for life - I definitely don’t regret our baby because she’s absolutely beautiful and he’s amazing with her but I know deep down I should have made more of an effort to leave years ago. Now I have to see his face all the time even if I don’t want to

Trauma bond is a very real thing and unfortunately it doesn’t get easier. The longer we stay the deeper in we get making it harder to leave and the abuse gets worse because they know you wont leave. If he cheated on you especially during a very vulnerable time in your life he will definitely do it again. Of course you need to leave but I understand its very hard. But from my experience the longer to take the harder and worse the abuse cycle will get. Someone once told me of you need to take him back to hate him more go ahead. They were so confident that It would get worse and I would leave and they were right. I wish I left sooner as the abuse has affected me so badly I could barely function. Just remember you wouldn’t be crying on his shoulder if he didnt hurt you.

Even if he’s not the father of your child, you should be more selective about the people you have around you and especially the man next to you. Take care.