I don't know where to turn

Can anyone please help me or give me some advice I am currently a stay at home mum of a 2 year old.
My partner does shift work which makes it almost impossible for me to find any flexible work, he also works in London and is starting to find the commute really hard as we live in Suffolk which is really starting to effect our relationship, I feel like he really resents me for not working. We have a mortgage and no family close by.
We are in debt. I just don't know what to do or where to turn for help.
Any advice would be much appreciated

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Now you’re eligible for the 15 hours of nursery funding, what about getting your little one in care 2/3 days a week for you to work? You should also be eligible for the tax free childcare so a further 25% on what you pay in for free.
That way you don’t need to worry about his shifts, as he doesn’t need to be there for you to work.
Also, does he work every day on shifts? Or get a regular day off? Even just one regular day of work would be helpful.
You could also speak to an agency and explain your availability issues and see what they have, might have some one off days here and there to pick up when you know he’s off.
On the debt side, have you done a budget? You can get free support here for budgeting
https://www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/everyday-money/budgeting/budget-planner

And have you checked all benefits you’re eligible for? Citizens advice have a helpline to check everything you might be eligible for.

And also with debt, have you got credit cards? They are typically high interest so if you can “balance transfer” to a 0% initial period on another credit card, or convert it to a loan if you can pay regular amounts, you can save loads on interest.

she’s only eligible if she’s working 16 hours minimum per week. But only to get 15 hours funding 🥹 some maths that is …

If you want to message me, I’m a CV writer and work freelance myself (editing, translations, occasionally teaching). Maybe we can brainstorm something for you 😃

that’s alright though, 2 days at nursery for 10 hours a day and working two x 8 hours shifts.
Say it’s £10 an hour at nursery and you earn £15 an hour.

That’s £50 paid to nursery outside the funded hours but £240 earned, per week. So you’re up £190. Then you’ve got tax free childcare, so pay £40 and gov top up by £10.

So 2 days of nursery for £40, when you’ve earned £240 a week (less NI, but probs not any tax at that amount)

that's all well and good but it's finding the work for those hours. Also my little boy is very attached to me as I'm the only one who looks after him and with problems at home at the moment I think he would really struggle with nursery at the moment.
My partner works different shifts every week, one week he might do 4 days which are 12 hour days and the next week he might work 2 days again 12 hours each day.

I may have to try an agency I just need someone when he has his days off but every week its different so I need something flexible.

Thank you I will look at the budget planner.

Yes I have checked all benefits and I can't get anything because my partner earns too much and also we have a joint mortgage and I'm supposed to be paying my half.

We have no credit cards our debt is bank loans which my partner is paying monthly for but he's stressing so much about owing all this money

I’ve looked into this and it’s not the hours that matter, it’s how much you earn. They look at your earnings rather than the number of hours you work. Min earnings is £183 per week regardless of how many hours. Just wanted to clarify

https://www.gov.uk/check-eligible-free-childcare-if-youre-working

I would second Rosie that if you can get some part time work and get the funded childcare hours it will ease the financial stress at home. Little one will settle into nursery in time and will make friends. But it is entirely your decision and you know what is best for your family xx

yes that’s true. Most part-time jobs just tend to be low-end. But say you’re self employed as a lawyer and can make this in 1hr per week you’re still good.

thank you for your message. I'm in Ipswich x

thank you for your message. I did think about job seekers but then I wasn't sure if I could get it because I am in a joint mortgage and I haven't been working.
I do have some slight good news my partner is hopefully going to be changing his work schedule leaving me able to get weekend work.

Definitely I feel like I do a full time job as it is, doing the job of mum and dad

thank you so much for your help I've already tried the entitledto benefits calculator and unfortunately we are not entitled to any of it except child benefit which we already get.
😞 it's so sad there is not enough help for stay at home mums.

Me too, thank you so much that means a lot x

in our community

Is it bad of me to think this or no?

My husband has been abroad for work (1 day and exploring for 1 day) for 2 and a half days which means I’ve had both kids (1 year and 4 year old) for 2 and a half days plus cooking, cleaning, taking them to clubs, bedtimes!
He came home late afternoon and said I’m so tired, I just need to chill. I said can you wash up whilst I sort kids dinner out, he said he’ll do it later which means he won’t do it and I’ll end up doing it so I said no do it now please otherwise I’ll end up doing it and he said well you have been home and I’ve been away so you’ve just been relaxing.
Don’t know what planet he is on but having the kids alone for 2.5 days is not relaxing. I was stressed!

When he was away, I did miss him and wanted him to come back but now he’s back, I want him to go away again😂
Is that bad?

Really bothered by this

A friend posted this and it really bothers me because that is exactly how she parents her kid, and it's rather unfortunate because when our kids hang out together, her kid has a meltdown at least 5x within an hour. We have know them for years and it's only gotten worse. My kids will concede to hers, because they don't want to see their friend crying, but it sucks because they give up so much of their toys and enjoyment to keep the peace. We aren't hanging out as much anymore but it's rather sad to think she doesn't intervene more in her child tantrums and just let's it slide

Is this normal

Let’s say you’re at a softplay with your 2 year old, and some friends & their toddlers.
You buy your 2 year old a kids meal - chicken nuggets, beans, and chips. They’re very happy with it and have almost eaten it all.
They’re sat at the table, fork in hand, consistently eating, and have one chicken nugget left.
Your adult friend comes over from behind you, picks up the last chicken nugget, and eats it.
There was no indication that your child wasn’t going to eat it, and they didn’t ask. They just took it with no warning and ate it right in front of you and your toddler.
How you reacting?

Are these men ok?

I get so sad seeing all the posts on here daily about women dealing with partners who are treating them horribly. I know it seems over represented because those of us with great partners don’t need to write posts asking for help, but I really hope most of us don’t have these kinds of men in our lives!

I tell my husband about these posts I see sometimes and he’s even shocked by some of the things these guys say/do.

Nobody’s perfect, and every relationship takes work. And becoming parents is a stress test unlike any other for sure, but seeing how many women get stuck in these relationships with men who aren’t interested in being better is so so sad😞

But is/was your partner helpful, loving, and supportive during your pregnancy/PP/etc? Was he a wonderful person but changed for the worst after becoming a parent? Has he put effort into becoming the partner you need him to be, even if he struggles?

Pouches

I’m not one of those mums who stand in the kitchen making every meal from scratch and batches of healthy snacks as I simply do not have time with other children and soon back to a full time job, but I do try give my weaning baby part of what we eat at meal times and will throw something healthy together if what we eat isn’t suitable. However, I do have some pouches in for convenience or a last resort. I’ve only used these a few times in the space of two months but she absolutely LOVES them. She will scream for more, get excited when she sees the pouch and will literally eat the whole thing. She’s underweight so this is massive for me seeing her eat so well, but the guilt is getting to me a bit! Anybody else like a little pouch every now and then and can make me feel a little better about giving her them😅

Friends with shitty husbands

Does anyone have a close friend with a shittv husband?

My best friend of 14years married her high school sweetheart (minus the sweetheart.) He was always a POS growing up, had an on and off relationship and eventually from what I was told, they sorted their shit out and got married. I moved countries and her and I drifted apart for a while so I didn't know too much about what their relationship was like but assumed all was well since her social media alluded to that.

We both had babies within a year of each other, she had hers first and when she gave birth I found out I was pregnant. I had a rough pregnancy and we weren't in contact much but after my LO was born we spoke a lot. This is when I found out that she was struggling with PPD etc. She opened up about how useless her husband is, I would go as far as to say abusive. She's a SAHM who basically does absolutely evervthing & is being financially abused She's completelv touched out and is about to have a second child in a week.

I absolutelv cannot stand her husband. I hate how he treats her. I hate to hear about him. She posted on social media all the time about how lucky she is to have him as a husband and father to her babies yet cries to me on the phone in private about what really goes on.
I'm at a point now where I want to tell her that I don't want to hear about it anymore. I feel guilty that she's going through this but she's also allowing it to continue in a sense. I'm so emotionally exhausted with her problems and just want to shake her.

How do you/would you navigate this situation?