Need advice :(

I don’t know where to start, this is my first ever post. I may not even be able to put sentences together as my mind is running at 100miles an hour and I’m in panic mode. Apologies in advance for it being super long even though I’ve summarised it. Firstly, my baby has just turned 1. She’s hyperactive and I barely get a second to myself throughout the day. I have so much stress running through my body as I have to do every little thing (even having a sip of water or going to the toilet) in a hurry as she screams and cries if I leave her for a second. We don’t have any family in the UK to help us with looking after her so it’s just my husband and I. My marriage has been up and down since the beginning, terrible during my pregnancy, and a bit more stable since she was born but still with a few instances of wanting to divorce each other. My husband has recently stopped taking antidepressants and has been pretty aggressive and rude again which is his usual self basically. My maternity leave ended recently and I have taken annual leave to delay my return until July. This is a role I’m miserable at and have always dreamed of quitting once I got my permanent residency in the UK which is in August and that’s what the plan was. For my husband to look after our daughter for a month, and then me quitting and her going to nursery after she’s turned 2. I already don’t know how I will survive being away from my baby for a day and I dread it so much. They’ve also gone from flexible working to more mandatory office days which makes it even harder for my situation. So with my latest position of divorce at my door, I am so so worried how I will manage to look after my daughter and I financially. Mind you I have worked at my office job, and our business (joint with my husband however he claims is only his during every argument) until I gave birth and from day 5 after she was born, with her in my arms. I also manage an Airbnb all on my own but that’s also something my husband can take from me the minute things go south. I’m in A LOT of debt because of the loans he made me take and has used for the business (which he will take from me). And I’m putting every single pound I earn towards the credit card debts and loans that he got me in just to make it back to zero! If I’m ever making a payment using the business account it’s an issue. There is constantly money talk and it makes me sick to my stomach. I don’t even know how much love there is anymore and if the relationship could be saved. I just get really upset every time I think about my daughter not growing up with her mum and dad together, mind you it’s probably worse her growing up and witnessing us fight all the time. I have so much fear around how I will survive on my own. What can I do for work where I can still look after my baby full time and earn enough to look after us as I know he’s not reliable enough to help with anything. He also used to threaten me each time with taking her from me which used to scare me so much but this last time he sort of agreed that she can stay with me but allow him to see her everyday. I have so much anxiety and my brain isn’t functioning properly. I can’t think of anything and I need ideas. Just to make things more complicated, there is a slight chance I might be pregnant again. I won’t know for a little bit more. I am so torn about that too as I would love another child, but it’s going to make everything harder….
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Ok well. Here’s the hard part of this whole post. You need to make Decisions. 1. Do you want a divorce? Yes or no. Go with your first answer and reflect why that is your answer. In my head I hope that is yes. A child will not keep you guys together. And you are BOTH miserable from what it sounds like. Let it go. 2. Your child is relying on YOU to bring in income. Your feelings do not matter right now about how guilty you’ll be away from her. What you can change to make this better is your environment. Is there a way you can work from home or possibly get a job where childcare is inevitable? Like a daycare job? You might have to get a second job if one job does not cut it. 3. Do you think it is best to bring a second child into a bad situation or timing right now? I honestly don’t care on what you choose and if you’re pro choice or not. Think about what that would mean for you and the child at a timing like this. If you think you can handle it even with everything

Going on then go for it. If you want to talk more you can dm me. But I’m giving you my thoughts based on what’s given.

Could you suggest marriage counselling? Sounds like he has a temper and it might be good for someone else to get him to think about how he speaks to you. Maybe try this before calling it quits as there may be something else going on for him, I know stress can make people nasty I’d also probably wait until your permanent residency is 💯 approved before making any big changes. There will be a lot of help for you as a single parent if you go down that road and if you do divorce you are entitled to 50% of your joint wealth and he will need to support you financially because of baby/babies

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