Struggling Mum

I have a nearly 3 year old and I'm struggling. I would say I am struggling more now than I did when he was born and I had severe post natal depression. Since he was born I have been diagnosed with ADHD and PMDD. I'm currently under gynecology for the PMDD but not really getting anywhere, I tried some injections but it made my mood worse.

I'm currently on the waiting list for ADHD medication and have been since September last year. I'm not receiving any other support, I found counselling never really helped throughout my life. I tried it for a bit when he was born but no luck, I have contacted home start and they couldn't help so now I contacted a similar charity in my area and seeing someone in a couple of weeks.

I just feel like such a failure, I'm counting down the days for him to be older, that sounds so awful doesn't it. I wake up dreading each day, I barely take him out anywhere, we go to stay and play on a Monday and he has nursery twice a week, other than that I get too anxious to go out. I find the tantrums so difficult, he has a speech delay which doesn't help with the tantrums. He isn't showing any signs of wanting to be potty trained and that makes me feel like I'm failing. I probably let him have more screen time then he should have because I sometimes struggle to cope. I just fear that I'm never going to know what it feels like to be happy again. Everyone keeps telling me I have a beautiful son and I should be grateful and happy and enjoying it and that fills me with even more guilt. I'm just surviving right now.

I have a very hands-on partner. He is great, he will take over on weekends and evenings and do most of the looking after and playing, I go and do things and have time to myself and even that fills me with guilt because my partner doesn't really get any down time between looking after our son and work. I just dread every moment I have to be a Mum and I think he knows that and so never plans to do anything for himself and that makes me feel so awful

My parents don't understand. When he was born they helped me out a lot but for some reason over the last year they have taken a step back, said it's too far for them to keep coming or they're busy. So they come over when I'm absolutely desperate so me and my partner can go out for the day and have some alone time, but that's rare now. It's like I have to beg them to want to come and see their Grandson but they expect me to take him there a lot even though they know I get anxious driving with him. My partner's parents would help out more but they live 4 hours away :(

My mother has also said some awful things to me over the last couple of years as well. She is good at playing the victim. Whenever I'm struggling she will just say well how do you think I coped. She has said directly to my son to come and live with grandma because mummy doesn't want you. I was really struggling last year and I told her I didn't want to be here anymore to which she replied if you feel that way why don't you just go and do it rather than keep saying it, I will never forget that. She has made me feel guilty for going away for solo weekend breaks to just have some time to myself. I shouldn't be going out or away because I'm a mum now. I just feel so guilty for everything.

Sorry for such a long rant. Has/is anyone else still suffering to cope or manage with their mental health since becoming a mum? I see everyone else enjoying this journey and it makes me feel so awful when I say I'm really not, does that make me a bad mother and person?

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I do feel like I had some form of PPD after having my second child. other mums around me made it look so easy having multiple kids but it hit me hard. I lost any connection I had rebuilt towards myself after my first child. Had no life and still have no one around me. My in laws live really close to me but they really let me down by hardly visiting and offering any help and I think it just spiralled from there. I was hugely disappointed, sad and constantly feeling like wanting my old life back. Even with one child I had freedom and was feeling more like myself after 6 months. It’s been 9 months since my second and I still struggle but I’m starting to accept change and embrace it. I used to hate staying at home but I’m trying to enjoy it and make it relaxing for me to stay home with kids. I have huge amount of anxiety built in after having my second child. It won’t be fixed overnight so I’m working on small achievements. If I walk my son to nursery bonus points 🙌🏼 if I get ready in the

Morning that’s something positive for me🙌🏼 if I make home cooked meals it’s a win 🙌🏼 I’ve had to change my mindset to realise these are the things that are my priorities now and it feels good to achieve these. I can’t do big things like go places alone, take the kids out alone etc. I’ve stopped expecting my in laws to help and it just avoids any disappointment for me. I let my toddler watch tv throughout the day at times when I need a break or can’t entertain him. Other times I’ll try to fit in a walk with him to refresh both of us and when I’m desperate and he’s bored of his toys I’ll let him play with water in the bathroom 🙈 playdoh, and other activities. I’m now working on trying to make mum friends because I really feel like that’s what will pull me out of the loneliness that keeps making me feel sad. And it would be so good for my toddler to play with someone. Hang in there it will get better eventually

It’s not nice what your mum said but we can’t focus on what others around us are saying even our closest people come out with the worst. We have to keep ourselves a priority and what we think of ourselves is the most important. If you think you’re a failure you will start to believe that. If you see all the things you do for your child and have achieved so far you will see you’re not the worst parent you’re trying. And eventually you will do even better

Please get a referral to professional therapy. This feeling will pass but everyone needs support to get through tough times, particularly when those close to you are saying cruel things. You are a brilliant mum, I can tell because you're worried about what kind of mum you are - you need that time alone to recharge and we all do! Your toddler loves you and needs you, and you will get better soon x

in our community

Is it bad of me to think this or no?

My husband has been abroad for work (1 day and exploring for 1 day) for 2 and a half days which means I’ve had both kids (1 year and 4 year old) for 2 and a half days plus cooking, cleaning, taking them to clubs, bedtimes!
He came home late afternoon and said I’m so tired, I just need to chill. I said can you wash up whilst I sort kids dinner out, he said he’ll do it later which means he won’t do it and I’ll end up doing it so I said no do it now please otherwise I’ll end up doing it and he said well you have been home and I’ve been away so you’ve just been relaxing.
Don’t know what planet he is on but having the kids alone for 2.5 days is not relaxing. I was stressed!

When he was away, I did miss him and wanted him to come back but now he’s back, I want him to go away again😂
Is that bad?

Feeding

My son is coming up to five months and I just started giving him oatmeal and rice cereal. When can you start trying veggies or fruits? I only give him the oatmeal or rice cereal once a day right now which is what the paediatrician had said to do. I’m just curious to when anybody tried anything else with their kids cause my son eats a lot of formula and he’s VERY curious when I eat.

Really bothered by this

A friend posted this and it really bothers me because that is exactly how she parents her kid, and it's rather unfortunate because when our kids hang out together, her kid has a meltdown at least 5x within an hour. We have know them for years and it's only gotten worse. My kids will concede to hers, because they don't want to see their friend crying, but it sucks because they give up so much of their toys and enjoyment to keep the peace. We aren't hanging out as much anymore but it's rather sad to think she doesn't intervene more in her child tantrums and just let's it slide

Is this normal

Let’s say you’re at a softplay with your 2 year old, and some friends & their toddlers.
You buy your 2 year old a kids meal - chicken nuggets, beans, and chips. They’re very happy with it and have almost eaten it all.
They’re sat at the table, fork in hand, consistently eating, and have one chicken nugget left.
Your adult friend comes over from behind you, picks up the last chicken nugget, and eats it.
There was no indication that your child wasn’t going to eat it, and they didn’t ask. They just took it with no warning and ate it right in front of you and your toddler.
How you reacting?

Shift worker daddies - advice please?

My husband works shifts (6am-6pm days or 6pm-6am nights) so when he’s on shift we either get about an hour or 2 before he goes to work or an hour or 2 when we gets home with him.

I don’t think people who aren’t married/have babies with shift workers fully understand the impact of feeling like a solo parent sometimes.

Does anyone have any advice? I do have parents who can help but I struggle to leave my baby with others as I always feel like they don’t understand the need for tracking wake windows or feeds and our baby will not sleep unless we black out a room or go for a car drive . Everyone seems to think ‘if he’s tired he’ll drop off’ - no he’ll just get overtired and have to then pay for it during his night sleep. So I feel like it’s just easier for me to do it all myself.

When my husbands off work he is great but I do take the mental load of telling him what to do or even reminding him of wake windows etc because he’s not here and forgets routines. He’s also being tested for ADHD currently so there’s that on top of shift work.

Just looking for advice on how to stay sane/keep routines or share loads with shifts workers?

Thank you ❤️

Are these men ok?

I get so sad seeing all the posts on here daily about women dealing with partners who are treating them horribly. I know it seems over represented because those of us with great partners don’t need to write posts asking for help, but I really hope most of us don’t have these kinds of men in our lives!

I tell my husband about these posts I see sometimes and he’s even shocked by some of the things these guys say/do.

Nobody’s perfect, and every relationship takes work. And becoming parents is a stress test unlike any other for sure, but seeing how many women get stuck in these relationships with men who aren’t interested in being better is so so sad😞

But is/was your partner helpful, loving, and supportive during your pregnancy/PP/etc? Was he a wonderful person but changed for the worst after becoming a parent? Has he put effort into becoming the partner you need him to be, even if he struggles?