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TTC journey is harder on women than the actual pregnancy

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I'm so not meant to be a mother.

My kids won't listen to me get into stuff when they know they aren't supposed to. Telling me no all the time. Only listen to their dad. Laughs when I correct them. I spend most of my time yelling at them because they don't want to listen to me at all. My husband said that I shouldn't have kids. And I am believing him on it. I was never meant to be a mother now. I won't hurt my kids I just want to disappear and make everyone else's lives better without me.

One and done… or not?

32ftm. I’m starting to feel so much pressure to have another baby soon as I wean from breastfeeding so they can be close in age and be friends, but I don’t feel ready for pregnancy and newborn trenches again 😭 my husband and I are all we’ve got. Having just one baby without a village has been really tough. Am I being unrealistic wanting another one soon?

Baby #2??

I really want baby number 2 and am thinking of doing it via IUI as a solo mama!
Has anyone had any experiences with it 👀

Tests

So I had a blood test at the drs bc I keep getting positive tests when the blood test was negative what could this mean? Hubby says the tests are negative and said he can’t see anything. Negative image down below.

Am I pregnant?

I lightly spotted almost 5 days ago, which is not common for me before my period.
My period was supposed to come today. I should have tested in the morning but its 5:30pm.
Is there a second line??

Anyone have this happen before?

We were not trying to conceive, used protection and had sex on week 2 of my cycle (accidentally on my peak ovulation day). Week 3 we had Flu A. Week 4 my period did not come (it’s very regular). I tested and it was negative (2 different brands).
What should have been week 2 of my next cycle (now 6 weeks post last period), I had light red/ pink spotting for one day when I wiped. The following week, I tested again, still negative, but this time almost all the dye was in the negative space, which I’ve never seen happen before. The area where it shows one horizontal line for negative and a plus sign for positive, the horizontal line was super faded at the 3 minute mark, and the negative vertical line in the next window was VERY dark. Now I’m on week 8 of all this, period did not show up yesterday. Nothing in my life has changed (no additional stress, no other illness, no changes in diet or exercise, etc).

Has anyone gone through this and NOT been pregnant? I’m super nervous as we thought we were done having kids.

PS. I know I should go get a blood test, does anyone know if urgent care will do that? I’m past being convinced by a pee test.

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