Changing friendship
I recently gave birth and it has been the most amazing but challenging time in my life. I feel that I have changed in so many ways and now see my relationships with others in a different light.
When I was pregnant, I felt very lonely as my closest friend seemed to be distant. Although my other friends were wonderful, my best friend in particular seemed unreachable. Maybe she was always like this but it was made glaringly obvious during that time. She wouldn’t really ask about how I was doing, stopped telling me about what was going on in her life (like going on holiday abroad, changing her job when we worked together etc). This was made even more obvious during the first little while after giving birth, where she would come and see the baby but not ask how I was doing and bring her boyfriend round every time we saw each other.
It was hard feeling like my best friend was disinterested in such a big part of my life, but also that I felt like I couldn’t be close enough to her to be told these things. We had a couple of conversations around this and I told her I wanted her to be my babies godmother, so it felt weird not knowing what was going on in her life.
Fast forward to now, she is expecting and I am so happy for her. I also feel conflicted as there’s a pressure to be there for her in a way she wasn’t for me, for example organising a baby shower when I planned mine myself with no input from her. Even today for Mother’s Day, I sent her a message but she never asked how my first one was. It makes me feel completely unseen by her.
I have thankfully made a few mum friends which helps me feel less alone in this journey. I just don’t know whether I should have another conversation or just take a step back. I’m worried that this isn’t the best time to do so as she is in such a special but sensitive point in her life and I want to support her as much as possible. I also feel like I’m giving too much of myself in this friendship and it’s not reciprocated. How should I go about this? Any advice is appreciated x
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First of all, fact that you feel so deeply and even posting here shows you are a caring and loving friend. From what you shared, in my opinion your friendship seems a bit one-sided. Your level of friendship isn't reciprocated in the same way. Given she is pregnant, probably isn't the time to have a deep conversation. So perhaps take a step back and don't over extend yourself. Do what feels authentic to you without compromising your needs and boundaries x
I think the above comment puts it perfectly
thank you for your response, and I think you’re right. My gut is telling me to take a step back. Will see how it all works out but for now going to do just that!
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