in

First time mums

Baby daddy issues..

Can the way the father treat you, mess you up mentally and make you treat your baby differently?

I am still in love with my baby daddy, despite that he’s my best friend. I’d love nothing more than to get alone with him as friends and as coparents. However, we argue a lot. Over small things like, I spammed called him maybe four times while I was at the store to see if he can help me financially with her birthday cake, yes I messaged him beforehand but no response. He told me he had just got home and whenever he gets home he immediately gets on his game and won’t reply to my messages 1-2hrs later. I needed a yes or no answer. Once he answered the fourth time he completely went off on me saying stuff like “what do you want!? Why tf are you spam calling me! I’m blocking you. How stupid can you be? I told you I don’t like calls yet you spam call me?” There’s been other similar incidents too. His sister was in town and wanted to come over to see my daughter (the father and I live separately), I had things to do and was getting a bit stressed that they weren’t coming yet after it being 6pm. I called him and asked him “hey, what time are you guys coming?” And he said “idfk we’ll come when we come.” And I told him “aren’t you at the mall with your sister right now? Can’t you just go to her and ask her real quick?” And then he went off on me again on how annoying I am… how stupid I am. He is always degrading me and it hurts. Emotionally, and mentally. Yet he claims to want me in his life even if we didn’t share a child, that I am his best friend, that he cares about me and loves me. Whenever I talk to him about how it affects me all he says is “I DONT CARE I DONT CARE, I’m pissed off right now! What makes you think I give a Fock about you right now?”

I have severe postpartum depression with suicidal tendencies and the way he treats me… make me lean more towards that. Do I want to die? No… I am mentally struggling. I have three therapists and going to church. Plus antidepressants and other medications. Whenever I tell him that it’s not helping me mentally… he’ll say he doesn’t care. He even told me to commit suicide, told me step by step how to kill myself. He constantly brings up adoption too but then hates it when I tell him “if you don’t want to be apart of her life, you can just walk away. No strings attached I won’t make you pay child support. I don’t want anything to do with you if you leave” and then he’ll say “stop focking saying that! I don’t want that!”

Anyways, there’s countless arguments betweeen us. I’ve tried sitting down and talking to him about it calmly but he immediately turns the conversation south and blames me for having another negative conversation. It is making it hard to care for my daughter. I love her I do, I want to be stable for her. But the way he’s treating me is messing with me mentally. That it’s making me not be a good mom to my daughter. I started to neglect her. She’ll cry and I’ll just watch her cry, I want to react and comfort her but it’s like there’s a barrier in between us… I’ll physically not be able to get to her… it makes me feel so shitty. I tried explaining this to the dad but all he said was “sucks, that the way I treat you makes you treat her differently. Just stop it. Want to be better? Just be better. Not hard”. I am the default parent. She’s with me 99% of the time. He takes her maybe 1-2 a month. I take her to all of her appointments. He provides diapers only IF she needs it. like I’ll be on the last pack with maybe six diapers left and then he’ll send some. Clothes? He’ll give me maybe $50 and then want pictures for proof. Even though I’ve always shown him pictures of everything she gets. I am drained, I live alone with three cats that I’ve been trying to rehome and my daughter. I am overwhelmed. I am not ok.