Motherhood struggles

Mine works from home.
He gets up with her when she wakes (usually about 5.30am) and has her until first nap at 9am (except for when she’s nursing) He logs on to work then.

She has a long nap in the pram in the afternoon so he will sometimes walk out for an hour on his lunch break depending how busy he is. That gives me time to have lunch and chilll for a bit/ get stuff done.

Then he takes her at 5pm so I can collect my toddler from nursery. And we divide and conquer. He will usually log back on after the girls are in bed just to catch up on anything

The plan is eventually that we will take the mornings in turns so the other person can go to the gym but I’m still up so much with her through the night that I need that extra time in the morning

As someone who usually works from home, I consider myself still working full timr. So would be unable to help unless something urgent. But once out of work hours, then the parent duties should be split or he should be able to help you.

On the days my partner is home, the main benefit is the lack of commute time. When he’s done, he can log straight off and help me, whereas when he’s in the office it would take him the best part of an hour to get packed up at the office and drive home. That’s it really!
I don’t expect help during the day because he’s working.

yes I completely get that, does he help after work with any baby duties or house stuff?

Oh yes, we split everything once he’s finished work. He does the majority of our baby’s bedtime routine, whilst I’m doing some housework etc. Once the baby is asleep, he’ll start cooking our dinner while I have some time to myself, which is normally a bath or a shower.

"I'm a stay at home mum, so I'm not working." I'm sorry, but I can't not comment on that. As a mother, you are working harder than anyone in a conventional job. You do not have breaks, you do not have weekends, you don't have a clock out time, you don't have holiday time, you don't get a pay check, and most insultingly of all, we don't even have the courtesy of calling what a mother does work. We have the audacity to see being a full-time mum as "not working" when, in reality, nothing fits the definition of work better than being a mum. Motherhood is nothing if not hard, relentless work. It is insulting that we don't consider being a mum work.
I've heard it said by a healthcare professional that being a stay at home mum is the equivalent of working 2 and a half jobs. Not to mention, being a mum often means that in any given moment, we have to do several jobs at the same time.

Don't ever do yourself the disservice of saying you "aren't working" just because you're "just a stay at home mum". You're doing the hardest and most important, yet the most criminally underappreciated job in the world.

You should expect your partner to chip in equally, you are both parents, and if you're concerned about him needing a break because he's working, then so do you.
My partner has said on many occasions that going to work is so much easier and calmer, and is his break from parenting, and this is despite him doing very little of the work of parenting, and never having to do it on his own in isolation like I do for 10 hours everyday.
It says a lot when some men openly admit that going to work is an escape from being a parent. If that doesn't say how hard it is to be a stay at home mum, I don't know what does. We also are expected to get on with it all on our own with no support or breaks, all day long, everyday.
And that apparently is "not working".