Is it my fault?

I’ve been on maternity leave for 3 months now. I just found out on Friday my job laid off a lotta ppl so now I’m out of a job. I barely get any help from my bf with our 2 children. 4 year old lil girl and 3 month old lil boy. He works from 7:30am to 6pm and then goes to the gym until 8pm. I was working full-time at home, also homeschooling my daughter, and cooking all the meals. I’m EXHAUSTED. I don’t get to take naps during the day bc he’s not here and I asked him to cut down on going to the gym to come home and help out more. Even when he is home on weekends he barely helps. He’ll make breakfast once and leave me the figure out the rest. He doesn’t watch our daughter like he needs to. Our daughter is having a hard time adjusting to having a lil brother and has been extremely defiant. She throws things at us, talks back, doesn’t listen, acts like a baby. I try to be patient and understanding but it’s hard. Am I wrong for asking him to cut down the gym time? It’s just hard dealing with 2 children 12 hours a day. I shouldn’t have to ask a grown ass man to take care of OUR kids

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You are not wrong

Maybe he can go before the kids wake up, then on his days off come home and make breakfast/get them dressed. On the days he works he can clean up at the gym then go to work

My partner also goes to the gym before my little boy was born he basically went to the gym every single day but now he goes twice a week and helps out when he’s not going

Being in a relationship especially with kids is always about compromising and he needs to compromise gym time

Are you uk based or elsewhere? It's illegal to get laid off when pregnant, on maternity or up to 6 months after maternity ends in the UK x

he doesn’t drive. Doesn’t have a license and I don’t let him use my car. So I’d have to wake the kids up and take him to the gym then sit at the gym and wait for him to finish and take him to work. I’m not doing all that

I’m in California. They put my job on hold until my maternity leave was over (which was on Friday) then called me on Friday and said they’re laying me off

Oh that is totally different. If you have to drive him he is lucky if he gets to go to the gym at all. Going before wake up time works for us bc my SO has his own car etc so me and kiddo stay sleeping. I definitely wouldn’t take him daily.

Omg that sucks I'm really sorry x

after work he takes the bus to the gym so I don’t have to pick him up or anything my bad I shoulda clarified but his friend brings him home they work out together

That’s very nice of his friend but he still shouldn’t get a break at the gym daily while you never get a break! That’s not sharing the parental load at all. When he gets off work he should be clocking into dad role. Obviously he needs breaks some days but you do too. He gets to clock out of his job and you have to stay in mom mode while he enjoys himself? That’s BS

Oh no, that really sucks. I’m sorry you lost your job. I am kind of in the same situation to be honest. I have a 3 year old and a 3 month old. My oldest is very defiant as well and behaves in the same exact way. My SO works out before work and after work and isn’t home until 10pm.
My 3 year old goes to school, I could not imagine what you’re going through. When he has sick days I literally go crazy.

I personally don’t think you should ask him to cut down on the gym. Do you have any family willing to help out? Do you have a routine? You can definitely schedule a nap time for your daughter and align it with you and baby’s nap. I’ve done it a few times. Lastly, have you thought about putting your daughter into school?

this is crazy. And my daughter doesn’t do naps. The naps stopped after she turned 4. No matter how hard I try she won’t nap she has A LOT of energy. And tbh no I’m not sending her to public school only bc personally I don’t agree with the curriculum and she’s not vaccinated and never will be. She does have a routine but she’s homeschooled. Tbh I just feel like I deserve to at least get a nap in the evening and him going to the gym everyday is an inconvenience

in our community

Really bothered by this

A friend posted this and it really bothers me because that is exactly how she parents her kid, and it's rather unfortunate because when our kids hang out together, her kid has a meltdown at least 5x within an hour. We have know them for years and it's only gotten worse. My kids will concede to hers, because they don't want to see their friend crying, but it sucks because they give up so much of their toys and enjoyment to keep the peace. We aren't hanging out as much anymore but it's rather sad to think she doesn't intervene more in her child tantrums and just let's it slide

Is this normal

Let’s say you’re at a softplay with your 2 year old, and some friends & their toddlers.
You buy your 2 year old a kids meal - chicken nuggets, beans, and chips. They’re very happy with it and have almost eaten it all.
They’re sat at the table, fork in hand, consistently eating, and have one chicken nugget left.
Your adult friend comes over from behind you, picks up the last chicken nugget, and eats it.
There was no indication that your child wasn’t going to eat it, and they didn’t ask. They just took it with no warning and ate it right in front of you and your toddler.
How you reacting?

Are these men ok?

I get so sad seeing all the posts on here daily about women dealing with partners who are treating them horribly. I know it seems over represented because those of us with great partners don’t need to write posts asking for help, but I really hope most of us don’t have these kinds of men in our lives!

I tell my husband about these posts I see sometimes and he’s even shocked by some of the things these guys say/do.

Nobody’s perfect, and every relationship takes work. And becoming parents is a stress test unlike any other for sure, but seeing how many women get stuck in these relationships with men who aren’t interested in being better is so so sad😞

But is/was your partner helpful, loving, and supportive during your pregnancy/PP/etc? Was he a wonderful person but changed for the worst after becoming a parent? Has he put effort into becoming the partner you need him to be, even if he struggles?

Pouches

I’m not one of those mums who stand in the kitchen making every meal from scratch and batches of healthy snacks as I simply do not have time with other children and soon back to a full time job, but I do try give my weaning baby part of what we eat at meal times and will throw something healthy together if what we eat isn’t suitable. However, I do have some pouches in for convenience or a last resort. I’ve only used these a few times in the space of two months but she absolutely LOVES them. She will scream for more, get excited when she sees the pouch and will literally eat the whole thing. She’s underweight so this is massive for me seeing her eat so well, but the guilt is getting to me a bit! Anybody else like a little pouch every now and then and can make me feel a little better about giving her them😅

Friends with shitty husbands

Does anyone have a close friend with a shittv husband?

My best friend of 14years married her high school sweetheart (minus the sweetheart.) He was always a POS growing up, had an on and off relationship and eventually from what I was told, they sorted their shit out and got married. I moved countries and her and I drifted apart for a while so I didn't know too much about what their relationship was like but assumed all was well since her social media alluded to that.

We both had babies within a year of each other, she had hers first and when she gave birth I found out I was pregnant. I had a rough pregnancy and we weren't in contact much but after my LO was born we spoke a lot. This is when I found out that she was struggling with PPD etc. She opened up about how useless her husband is, I would go as far as to say abusive. She's a SAHM who basically does absolutely evervthing & is being financially abused She's completelv touched out and is about to have a second child in a week.

I absolutelv cannot stand her husband. I hate how he treats her. I hate to hear about him. She posted on social media all the time about how lucky she is to have him as a husband and father to her babies yet cries to me on the phone in private about what really goes on.
I'm at a point now where I want to tell her that I don't want to hear about it anymore. I feel guilty that she's going through this but she's also allowing it to continue in a sense. I'm so emotionally exhausted with her problems and just want to shake her.

How do you/would you navigate this situation?

Car issues

Idk if I’m in the wrong. I have a full time job. My husband takes care of the kids while I worked. Today was the day I was supposed to get us a car. But I couldn’t cause of the down payment. So now he’s texting me saying I’m wasting his day to be alone at Walmart so he can spend his tax return. I really want to say go ahead. Leave. Leave the kids and me alone. While you go out and spend money. While your at go ahead and buy urself your drugs and a bitch to go fuck.

Lucky I’m even thinking about him about the car situation if not I would’ve been buying me and the kids a car small enough for us!