Shitting his pants

My 4.5 year old started shitting his pants lately... almost every day.
He says i forgot (to go, to tell you, etc).
We have had some life changes.
A baby sister, 5 months old. He loves her but he's extremely rough, fast and loud in his approach with her.
We trained him to sleep in his own bed 9 months ago, before baby came, and now hes back in our room.
Mom and dad fight sometimes (stress, hormones, division of labor, messy home, exhustion) and sometimes it gets heated.
He's also become very defiant and sometimes flat out disrespectful. He does the opposite of what I ask, he treats his sister roughly, talking back, disregarding house rules, etc). Ive resorted at times to corporal punishment. I've started using a rewards chart for when he sleeps in his bed all night of helps mom in extraordinary ways. But more often, I have to take away stars/ hotwheels cars, while my husband still rewards him informally (ice cream, dunkin donuts, stay up late, sleep with him in spare bed, etc)
Im not sure about the WHY, but i need help to know how to make it stop.
Ive tried having a friend over to take care of baby while I spend 1:1 time with him. Its temporarily better.
Mom and dad apologize at "family meetings" and try to reassure him that we love each other.
I keep a change of clothes in the car for accidents.
We remind him his a big boy and can't have accidents anymore. He apologizes and does it again. Im afraid that we might be shaming him because we talk about it openly and directly.
Any explanations or tips?
Thanks

in our community

Really bothered by this

A friend posted this and it really bothers me because that is exactly how she parents her kid, and it's rather unfortunate because when our kids hang out together, her kid has a meltdown at least 5x within an hour. We have know them for years and it's only gotten worse. My kids will concede to hers, because they don't want to see their friend crying, but it sucks because they give up so much of their toys and enjoyment to keep the peace. We aren't hanging out as much anymore but it's rather sad to think she doesn't intervene more in her child tantrums and just let's it slide

Is this normal

Let’s say you’re at a softplay with your 2 year old, and some friends & their toddlers.
You buy your 2 year old a kids meal - chicken nuggets, beans, and chips. They’re very happy with it and have almost eaten it all.
They’re sat at the table, fork in hand, consistently eating, and have one chicken nugget left.
Your adult friend comes over from behind you, picks up the last chicken nugget, and eats it.
There was no indication that your child wasn’t going to eat it, and they didn’t ask. They just took it with no warning and ate it right in front of you and your toddler.
How you reacting?

Are these men ok?

I get so sad seeing all the posts on here daily about women dealing with partners who are treating them horribly. I know it seems over represented because those of us with great partners don’t need to write posts asking for help, but I really hope most of us don’t have these kinds of men in our lives!

I tell my husband about these posts I see sometimes and he’s even shocked by some of the things these guys say/do.

Nobody’s perfect, and every relationship takes work. And becoming parents is a stress test unlike any other for sure, but seeing how many women get stuck in these relationships with men who aren’t interested in being better is so so sad😞

But is/was your partner helpful, loving, and supportive during your pregnancy/PP/etc? Was he a wonderful person but changed for the worst after becoming a parent? Has he put effort into becoming the partner you need him to be, even if he struggles?

Friends with shitty husbands

Does anyone have a close friend with a shittv husband?

My best friend of 14years married her high school sweetheart (minus the sweetheart.) He was always a POS growing up, had an on and off relationship and eventually from what I was told, they sorted their shit out and got married. I moved countries and her and I drifted apart for a while so I didn't know too much about what their relationship was like but assumed all was well since her social media alluded to that.

We both had babies within a year of each other, she had hers first and when she gave birth I found out I was pregnant. I had a rough pregnancy and we weren't in contact much but after my LO was born we spoke a lot. This is when I found out that she was struggling with PPD etc. She opened up about how useless her husband is, I would go as far as to say abusive. She's a SAHM who basically does absolutely evervthing & is being financially abused She's completelv touched out and is about to have a second child in a week.

I absolutelv cannot stand her husband. I hate how he treats her. I hate to hear about him. She posted on social media all the time about how lucky she is to have him as a husband and father to her babies yet cries to me on the phone in private about what really goes on.
I'm at a point now where I want to tell her that I don't want to hear about it anymore. I feel guilty that she's going through this but she's also allowing it to continue in a sense. I'm so emotionally exhausted with her problems and just want to shake her.

How do you/would you navigate this situation?

Car issues

Idk if I’m in the wrong. I have a full time job. My husband takes care of the kids while I worked. Today was the day I was supposed to get us a car. But I couldn’t cause of the down payment. So now he’s texting me saying I’m wasting his day to be alone at Walmart so he can spend his tax return. I really want to say go ahead. Leave. Leave the kids and me alone. While you go out and spend money. While your at go ahead and buy urself your drugs and a bitch to go fuck.

Lucky I’m even thinking about him about the car situation if not I would’ve been buying me and the kids a car small enough for us!

Activities with baby

I’m so tired of not finding enough things to do with my 10 month old baby boy. What do you guys do to keep them engaged. I’m not giving him any screen time actually he’s not interested either in watching tv.
Any ideas and tips what to do with them I’m so tired 😣