Baby prefers Dad

how old is you little one?

thank you for sharing Sara, it's really getting to me and making me depressed. it's good to know I'm not alone.

he's 5 months old

Does your partner work? If he does then it's probably that he has seen you all day but hasn't seen dad since the night before and is really happy to see him. He truthfully loves you both just as much and you are his world even if it doesn't seem it. I used to think my little girl hated me when she was a baby but she didn't at all. I know it's a horrible feeling but your doing brilliantly xx

yes he works and I'm on mat leave. your comment really made me feel reassured thank you so much. it's really getting to me so thank you for sharing 🩷

Honestly i used to feel sh*t and thought she hated me and it would make me cry but it was just because I was with her all day and dad wasn't. I stopped thinking about it eventually and she was fine lol

I'm trying so hard to form a deep connection with him but I'm constantly blaming myself because my breastfeeding journey was cut short not by choice and it really broke my heart and I can't help but think that's what got in the way of our bonding.

that's exactly how I feel. I try to hide it so my husband doesn't feel bad but it makes me cry all the time.

Just talk to him and tell him how you feel, if he's a decent bloke he will understand x

Don’t be discouraged! Your baby doesn’t view you as a person that is separate from him; he thinks you two are one person and will until he gets a little older, and then he’ll be as obsessed with you as he currently is with his dad.

I have but he just says our son does love me and I shouldn't get upset because he is getting love from him because he is his dad. he even got annoyed at me at one point because I made him feel bad because the baby 'shouldn't love him less'. he completely misunderstood my meaning because of course I am happy our baby loves him, it actually made me feel worse because now I feel so much guilt for feeling this way.

I've heard this but I've only ever met babies who literally adore their mum, are comforted by her, look at her and want to be held by her etc. I feel like I'm doing something wrong.

Typical bloke not listening lol you are honestly doing a brilliant job. Try and find yourself something you like doing for when dad comes home and you get time to yourself

My first was like that as a baby and to be honest as an 18-month-old she still "lights up" when she sees him. She falls over and she doesn't want me if Daddy is home, she is so excited to see him whether he's got home from work or gets up in the morning.
But I don't think it's a case of loving him more than me, I think it's a case of she doesn't see him as much.
She sees me 24/7. She only sees Daddy for 3 days every 5 days due to his work other than briefly in the mornings (sometimes) and evenings. I still have days where I think "Would she even notice if I wasn't here?" and the answer is "Yes". When I was in hospital having her sister via C-section this March she was wandering around looking for me. "Daddy is fun and playful and Mum is nurturing". Of course, mums can be playful too!
I also tried to breastfeed her but she struggled with latching. I took that hard as well, emotionally. Remember you're only 5 months pp and your hormones are still balancing out. It does get easier. X

There is also a theory that baby takes a few weeks/months to realise they are their own person and not in Mummy anymore. Daddy is the first person they see as a separate person. Hence the strong bond as they think they are still attached to Mummy. X

yes I can imagine I'm just sort of part of the furniture for him, I also think he may even feel my relief when my husband comes home (this boy needs constant entertainment and it is tiring hahah) and I always make an effort like 'look who's home!! it's dadda!!!' so that could be part of it too.
what's getting to me lately is that often he only stops crying when he sees his dad or passed over to dad, even though I'm always the one who comes to him when he's upset and comforts him, my husband just gets frustrated. I'm always so calm and gentle and talk to him and my husband is just all 'what is WRONG with you' after like 2 mins of dealing with crying. phew I'm just ranting at this point 😭 sorry ladies

I literally wrote a post similar to this when my LO was around the same age. I had people telling me I wasn’t playing with her enough etc. load of rubbish as that’s all I was doing! 😂 but I can assure you it was a phase. She’s still obsessed with her dad but she’s equally as obsessed with me. She has her moments she’ll want one or the other of us but trust me your LO loves you.

It's totally normal and it's just cause he's a novelty because she hasn't seen him all day

ALSO she doesn't realise you are a separate person. She thinks she's part of you, like a spare arm. So I guess she takes it for granted you are there.

thank you 🩷

Mine was all about daddy till 18 months. From then on he just wants mummy. It can be a bit tiring 😆.

My boy didn't breastfeed last 6w as I had no milk and out bond is so so strong. Just love him it'll work out. He's 8 now and honestly we're so close.

Try and let that negative self talk go and just love him, they also go through these phases, and it can change so quickly. Have the faith 💜

It's a bit novelty right now seeing you all the time 12 hrs is so long in their life and dad appearing must feel brilliant after such a long stretch of sleep and lots of naps etc.

You're doing brilliantly. If you're struggling it's ok to talk to someone and get it off your chest as well. Maternity leave is crazy making and makes you feel so weird.
But your son loves you I promise x

My baby was the same from when she was a newborn until around 5 months old. No matter how hard I tried, she wouldn’t laugh or smile at me, but whenever her dad interacted with her, she would instantly light up. My husband works from home, so she saw both of us equally. I didn’t breastfeed due to latch issues, and I used to wonder if that affected our bond. I often felt like she didn’t even know me, and that made me really upset.
But now that she’s 7 months, she wants me every time she sees me, if I walk by, she cries to be held. She doesn’t do the same with her dad, she knows I’m the one who can comfort her more than anyone else.
I love watching her bond with her dad. But I guess the way I was feeling back then was completely normal. It’s okay to feel left out sometimes, it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing great, you are more than enough..

I remember feeling exactly like this with my first. She was obsessed with her dad from as early as I can remember until she was around 18 months old / 2 years old! Made me feel so shit and I think it contributed to my PND! I can say now though and from around age 2, that when she has to pick a parent, 90% of the time she picks me 🥰 and that hasn’t changed since we’ve had our second! Oh, and our second little girly is all about her mumma 😏

My daughter is 6 months and she's like this. When Daddy's home, I may as well not exist 🙃

I’d say we were equally loved before my husband started commuting for work, now when he’s home he’s all my son wants which I completely get. And honestly it’s nice how much he loves him.

My daughter adored daddy and still does. I was with her all day so when dad came home she screamed dada and ran over to him to get hugs. My son adores me now but he also really loves dad and tried to be just like him. It's just the person they don't see as much.

Ahh this is so sad! I'm sure your baby loves you just as much as he loves his dad (probably more) but maybe gets more excited to see his dad because he doesn't get to spend all day with him? My niece was the same, and now quite clearly has a great bond with both parents. On the other hand, my 19 month old often just wants only me and not my husband, which can be pretty draining sometimes, so there are some upsides to having a baby that is besotted with their dad!

it eats at me that I wasn't able to breastfeed past 1 month I constantly think of it weren't for that we would be closer. it was so important to me and I just wish I had tried harder even though everything was going against it working. I still blame myself.
I feel exactly like that, he doesn't even know me, I could just be any other person.
thank you for making me feel not alone, I've been thinking I'm doing something wrong

it's literally causing me PND I think about it all the time and just want to cry I keep thinking what am I doing wrong? thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one

yes I've heard this, my mum said at least he doesn't have attachment issues and so I need to keep looking on the positive side.

a lot of people are saying there's a switch in preference at 18 months which is interesting

thank you, you're right I need to stop putting myself down. it's not easy 🥲

it's an awful feeling isn't it? I've just been out today with my coworkers for the first time since I went on mat leave and I was away from him for 4 hours which is the longest so far and when I came home he wouldn't even look at me. I had to hold back tears.

that makes sense

yeah that's understandable. my son has a preference for his grandad over his granny too so I wonder if he just like men more.

thank you for saying so. yes I guess that's true but honestly I would much rather he wanted me all the time because it's making me depressed feeling like it wouldn't make a difference if I'm here or not.

OP - at 5 months, my daughter was also very attached to her dad. I told myself that it had a lot to do with the fact that the first 10 hours of her life she spent with him and a nurse, but him primarily. He was her comfort. She did skin to skin with him most of that time and was bottle-fed while she was away from me....& she never latched, which I blamed on that as well. She is now almost 2, but still is a daddy's girl, but it's not as bad as it used to be. Yes, it had me upset and slightly depressed, but it gets better. Hang in there!

Do you think it might be worthwhile speaking to a GP about the way you are feeling? I just mention because the language you use "wouldn't make a difference if I'm here or not" may be indicative of postpartum depression

I have a history of depression so I know the drill with mental health and GPS and never had a good experience

that absolutely could be the case with your little girl but I don't know it's hard to say what can have an effect on the baby bc I did skin to skin with him immediately after he was born and stayed in hospital alone for 2 nights with him whereas my husband didn't do any skin to skin at all. I haven't worn fragrance since his birth so it wouldn't interfere with the bonding and yet my husband never stopped wearing cologne. I held him all the time and let him contact nap on me for all his naps when he was a newborn and my husband wouldn't cuddle him at all because he has a hot body temp and was worried about the baby overheating. which now I'm typing all this it makes even less sense that he prefers dad.

The truth is kids go through phases of their "preferred parent" for their entire life. There will be times they prefer dad and there will be times they prefer mom. It's just how children work. I wasn't able to breastfeed my daughter because she was 5 weeks early and I couldn't ever get her to latch. My partner also did skin to skin with her before I did because I passed out as I pushed her out. These are all things I worried about myself those first few months. She's now 4 years old and the only time it ever crosses my mind is when I read things like this from other mothers having similar experiences. She still flip flops between which one of us she wants to be with. I work nights and the other night she cried when I had to leave. It broke my heart. The next morning? I asked for a hug and she said "I want daddy." I just said ok and moved on. A couple hours later she was all over me. You'll get used to it, and it's completely normal. It means they have a secure attachment to both parents and is actually good!

youre right about that secure attachment. I'm starting to think he just feels so secure that I'm there for him that he doesn't need to be excited by me.