Living with my ex and trying to coparent.
We’ve been separated for an almost a year now. We broke up because he never wanted the baby but after a few therapy sessions he wanted to be apart of her life but still not together. So I only moved back in February because I couldn’t afford to live on my own and he said he would support me for the remainder of my pregnancy and paternity leave. Now that our baby is 4 months, it’s been hard navigating being parents and also living together as ex’s. Also want to mention he has a girlfriend, literally took him no time to move on. She apparently knows and is okay with it. But the problem is I am guilty of having relationships with him but it also takes two. I feel like when I try to set boundaries and just talk about the baby and nothing else he gets mad but if go back and pretend and when we are basically friends with benefits then we are okay. Currently not speaking and keeping these boundaries. I talk to AI about and I’m not completely honest with my therapist about it because I’m disappointed in myself. I can’t really leave because I’m broke and I don’t have much support. I know most people are in relationships or married but this post is for the single and coparents. I genuinely don’t know what to do. Should I just be his friend and pretend to be okay or just ignore him? I personally just want nothing to do with him other than the baby. I don’t want cuddles, outings or s**. I just want to be good parents for our baby sake. I also want to mention I feel like he’s not a bad dad but just a little inconsiderate of the baby and me. I feel like he only thinks of himself first. He’s even cried to because I told him I don’t think he’s a good dad. I’m not gonna lie I’ve been mean it’s not okay but I’m working on myself and going to therapy. I feel like he doesn’t take any accountability. And he’s always drinking, I wouldn’t say drunk all the time but definitely drinks almost everyday.
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I’d say, give him back the same energy he’s giving you and focus on taking care of baby. And take care of yourself. You can tell him as many times as you want that you want him to change or that he’s a bad dad, etc. but it’s on him if wants to change or not.
Be honest with your therapist so they can help you navigate the situation better. He's taking advantage of you being in an extremely vulnerable position.
It’s time to acknowledge your worth and decide to no longer accept any nonsense. Like another mom here suggested, 100% of your efforts should go towards getting you and your baby out, and into a better situation where you both can thrive. Create an exit plan. Build a village of women around you who want to see you succeed. Don’t hide anything from your therapist. You’re paying them to help you and they can’t fully help if they don’t know what you’re actually experiencing. Lastly, but most importantly…Talk to God. Pray.
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