New single mums / mums struggling/ single mums

No attachment to baby

I feel like the worst mum in the world. I had my LO 20 weeks ago (my 2nd child).
And I don’t feel any love towards him.
I can’t even bring myself to say I love him. I was not like this with my first. Even though I was a single parent then also.
My LO has had a few issues and basically flat out refuses to sleep.
My older child (toddler) was an absolute breeze compared to this, even with me being a first time mum. I found everything natural and I was overwhelmed with the love for my first.

I feel awful because I had an emergency c section and then couldn’t breastfeed. I really tried but it didn’t work. I thought that would help with our lack of bond. But not being able to breastfeed made me feel even worse.
My LO barely allows me to get any sleep at night and takes so long to fall back asleep(anything from 45 mins to 2hrs) I find myself thinking about how much I hate him and regret having him.
I feel like this is also affecting the bond with my older one as I’m so exhausted I’m snapping and shouting all the time at my toddler.
I don’t have any support so can’t get any relief from anyone.
I’ve explained this to the perinatal team however, so far they have only suggested baby massage.
I feel like we need more but I’m at a loss because I don’t know what other support they can give. Even though I ask, they are not very forthcoming.

I feel extremely ashamed of myself for having these feelings.
I just want to be okay so I can be a present health mum.
I just feel robbed of my entire newborn/baby experience with him.
I hate that I feel like this. I’m worried about how this will affect him long term too. 😔

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I’m so sorry you are struggling. Postpartum can be difficult- especially as a single mom and with a baby struggling to sleep you must be so exhausted.

Have you mentioned how you feel to your own doctor? They might not know what to do for baby- but maybe they can help you?

Do you have any family or friends who could come help take a shift at night so you can get a solid sleep?

I hope you are able to get help.

I’m so sorry. Your doctors can help without needing to prescribe drugs.

Are you able to get a second opinion from other doctors?

I’m so sorry you’re alone in all this.

Be kind to yourself. You've been through a lot! Hormones are a b*tch. Having no village is HARD! to say the least. Sleep deprivation on top of that is a real killer.

Also, every child is different. Your youngest might just need a little bit more from you. Or perhaps it's your babies way of connecting with you and forcing you so slow down. I struggled with contact naps for example, until I realised I really needed that time to rest, too.

Try and rephrase the "hate him and regret having him" to: I hate this situation, but I love my son unconditionally. You might not feel it now, but you will with time!

I've been in a really dark place pp and honestly wish I had started Sertraline (Zoloft) sooner as I too feel as if I've been robbed of the newborn stage with our only child. My HV however kept saying that our son was thriving! Although I'm heartbroken I'll never get to redo this, our son is a happy and healthy boy. He is so funny and clever etc. I do worry about long term effects, too..

Just to add; I'm not suggesting you to start meds. I was extremely reluctant for a long time myself, so I 💯 get it!

I hope so. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all this.

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