Anxiety over finances.

I know there's not really much anyone can do for me but I feel I just need to vent.

So I have just under 3 months left of maternity, I am an NHS hcsw working 4 days walking away with around 1400 a month then give or take 100 or so depending on tax etc.

We havent even discussed nursery for our LO and we unfortunately are unlucky that both sets of gran parents are noy fit enough to rely on for childcare. My mum and dad still work and my partners parents are both retired, but elderly and have multiple morbidities which hinder being able to watch the baby longer than a few hours ( both have arthritis, mobility issues, can't get down on the floor to play etc)

my partner works full time sometimes his days are long due to the nature of caring for animals

Apart from the child benefit 100 a month it looks like because of my partners wage (which is only like 35k before ni/tax) we dont qualify for any help through universal credit etc. But the thing is if we put our baby to nursery it literally is my full wage on nursery and my own bills.... we can't live on that. Since maternity pay I dont co tribute to the mortgage shopping or bills but I'll be in the exact same position once I go back to work ...

I have also got to have my return to work meeting where I can discuss flexible working and currently she hinted that until January they won't be in a position to offer me flexibility to reduce my days for needs of the business... im totally stressed out and wondered if anyone else has been in a similar position and knows of any help available. Happy to be messaged privately if feel its okay. I'm just worrying so much that I'm going to be unable to provide for my baby and have a life....

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You can try looking for options of childminders ( they seem to be cheaper)

There’s the tax free child care allowance as well, I’m not sure how it works but a lot of people use it!
I was in a similar situation to you, I have twins and we just couldn’t make childcare work for us, happy to chat! X

You can get a max of up to £500 every 3 months if you’re spending £10,000 (pro-rated if spending less than £10,000) on childcare costs so up to £166 a month from the government towards childcare costs - there’s an eligibility calculator online if you type in tax free childcare!

It’s a rubbish situation because of you lived elsewhere in the UK you would be entitled to the 30 funded hours from 9 months.
Do you work in inpatients or are you in the community? If you work in the hospital the issue you might have with nurseries are the hours might not suit your shifts and you need to pick set days at the nursery which can be an issue if you work shifts. I am in a community role so luckily the nursery hours worked for me. Our son has recently turned 3 so we are now getting the funded hours which has brought our bill down to around £830 per month (before the tax free) from £1350 per month for 5 days. If you work full time and need full time nursery hours you are talking your full wage. The tax free doesn’t make much difference in the grand scheme of things. If they can’t reduce your hours could you ask for set days temporarily for when you know your partner is off? Or nightshift? I know it’s not ideal. But it could be a way to reduce the nursery need x

in our community

Is it bad of me to think this or no?

My husband has been abroad for work (1 day and exploring for 1 day) for 2 and a half days which means I’ve had both kids (1 year and 4 year old) for 2 and a half days plus cooking, cleaning, taking them to clubs, bedtimes!
He came home late afternoon and said I’m so tired, I just need to chill. I said can you wash up whilst I sort kids dinner out, he said he’ll do it later which means he won’t do it and I’ll end up doing it so I said no do it now please otherwise I’ll end up doing it and he said well you have been home and I’ve been away so you’ve just been relaxing.
Don’t know what planet he is on but having the kids alone for 2.5 days is not relaxing. I was stressed!

When he was away, I did miss him and wanted him to come back but now he’s back, I want him to go away again😂
Is that bad?

Feeding

My son is coming up to five months and I just started giving him oatmeal and rice cereal. When can you start trying veggies or fruits? I only give him the oatmeal or rice cereal once a day right now which is what the paediatrician had said to do. I’m just curious to when anybody tried anything else with their kids cause my son eats a lot of formula and he’s VERY curious when I eat.

Really bothered by this

A friend posted this and it really bothers me because that is exactly how she parents her kid, and it's rather unfortunate because when our kids hang out together, her kid has a meltdown at least 5x within an hour. We have know them for years and it's only gotten worse. My kids will concede to hers, because they don't want to see their friend crying, but it sucks because they give up so much of their toys and enjoyment to keep the peace. We aren't hanging out as much anymore but it's rather sad to think she doesn't intervene more in her child tantrums and just let's it slide

Is this normal

Let’s say you’re at a softplay with your 2 year old, and some friends & their toddlers.
You buy your 2 year old a kids meal - chicken nuggets, beans, and chips. They’re very happy with it and have almost eaten it all.
They’re sat at the table, fork in hand, consistently eating, and have one chicken nugget left.
Your adult friend comes over from behind you, picks up the last chicken nugget, and eats it.
There was no indication that your child wasn’t going to eat it, and they didn’t ask. They just took it with no warning and ate it right in front of you and your toddler.
How you reacting?

My 2 year old won’t eat nothing but snacks

Is this normal ? He won’t even try anything I eat .. he really only like pizza fries and spaghetti… nuggets and snacks bananas some other fruit but like anything else he won’t eat if try but I don’t want to force him I’m just I feel like bad I mean he isn’t losing weight I breastfeed mostly still

Shift worker daddies - advice please?

My husband works shifts (6am-6pm days or 6pm-6am nights) so when he’s on shift we either get about an hour or 2 before he goes to work or an hour or 2 when we gets home with him.

I don’t think people who aren’t married/have babies with shift workers fully understand the impact of feeling like a solo parent sometimes.

Does anyone have any advice? I do have parents who can help but I struggle to leave my baby with others as I always feel like they don’t understand the need for tracking wake windows or feeds and our baby will not sleep unless we black out a room or go for a car drive . Everyone seems to think ‘if he’s tired he’ll drop off’ - no he’ll just get overtired and have to then pay for it during his night sleep. So I feel like it’s just easier for me to do it all myself.

When my husbands off work he is great but I do take the mental load of telling him what to do or even reminding him of wake windows etc because he’s not here and forgets routines. He’s also being tested for ADHD currently so there’s that on top of shift work.

Just looking for advice on how to stay sane/keep routines or share loads with shifts workers?

Thank you ❤️