Relationship of years (over 5) & ex wife / baby mother from down bellow

Spouses ex wife/ baby mother has been out of child's life since child was toddler. I had been raising my step son with his father. Until visitation started. Then false dcf calls, then I got a restraining order on her. Then after I got pregnant - ex wife who claims to be "completely over" the father (my spouse)
Yet throws tantrums to get her way, always includes me as the toxic obsessed jealous drama starter. Kot the one who stepped up and handled medical, dental, and sick days/nights with their child who I also consider part of me as I've been there for over 5 years. Its been so long and still battling each other, tension, and rage. But both "over" each other & it affects everyone. She's never going to stop, lies about me to make my step son think things of me - meanwhile I've been the one to ignore the lies, stay in my lane and yet in the end my now toddler son and I are treated differently by his brother / my step son. And my spouse who is "not affected... But very clearly affected because it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out something isn't right.

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This happened with my sister‘s ex-husband. He tried to poison my niece and nephews mind to hate my sisters now husband but they caught on and they realize that their father was the toxic one. My niece hasn’t spoken to him in five years, and my nephew only see him once a month now. My sister‘s husband was exhausted from all the problems Her ex put him through, but he showed my niece and nephew all the love that he had and they love him. It might take a while, but your stepson will catch on. You just have to continue to show him how much you love him.

He's in double digits now & seems to have caught on that he'll only get attention from mom if he brings up dad and I and she will only give attention that way so he's learned to lie, and come back home saying things he is told to say and with a smile on his face knowing it's not appropriate or true. The few days a month 2... If that, is enough to impact him and she teaching him victim playing, lying and threatening punishment if he doesn't lie. It's so taxing on a family and she always makes it about her

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